Ennui

Bright mundane lights on a dreary Monday morning.

Absent my best ally in the trenches and with mounting frustration at what is.

It could always – and has been – far worse, but maybe it’s finally time for you to move past all that.

Life is too short to wait for hope to get its act together. You’ve learned that if you want most things in life, you have to reach out and pursue them.

Happiness has no inertia to come and find you. Action is the order of the day.

That’s the difference between Hope being a curse that enslaves one to fantasy and Hope being what can keep you going when nothing else will – action.

Fear keeps you from moving forward. Fear of the headaches. The panic attacks. The rejection. The uncertainty you have the needed skills. Of having to start over again.

Things are going better; why rock the boat, right? Maybe happiness will make its rounds and run into you again…

No. Not good enough anymore.

You know you need to start being more decisive. Happiness is always moving. You used to be happy when you were a kid when you got a new toy. That won’t cut it these days.

It’s a moving target, and stagnation and fear will chip away at it. The only thing that remains in the long run to keep you happy is love, because love grows along with you, unless you let it get stale.

That’s one of the reasons you need to get in touch with your inner Crow. You fall victim to stagnation so easily.

Something’s got to give here. You’ve got to build something. Do something. You’re entering data. Sending invoices. Pulling inventory.

Make them give you a challenge.

Anger keeps pushing, but you seem to have it contained for now. You’re dancing with depression again; dynamism just isn’t there. Nothing’s helping. Just shut up, do your thing, and be thankful.

Health. Work life. Love life. Social life. Spiritual life. All in the doldrums right now. All in holding patterns. All stuck and frustrated wondering what to do next. All filled with concern, if not fear.

Again… Dammit…

One of the reasons you notice vicious cycles so quickly is because of how vulnerable you are to them yourself. And the way out is always the same.

Mix it up. Think outside the box. Approach things from a different perspective. Take some risks. Isolate what’s plaguing you and get rid of it.

Ennui’s a dick. Feeling young again always pisses it off… and you really love pissing it off… 😊