The Art of the Impossibly Possible: Trusting Chaos

Everything you ever dreamed of.

Everything you have ever waited for.

Finally No one else is in the way.

You remember her words like they were yesterday… “If it doesn’t work out this time… I’m your girl”.

It literally took your breath away for a second. And yeah, you are used to The Crow changing her mind. It’s always been one of the difficulties in reading her.

And obviously she seems to have changed her mind now… and you understand why given the circumstances.

And you can’t count on anything. It’s not like she is going to announce a long plan to heal, accomplish X, Y, and Z just prepare to be with you.

That would be Amazing, but come on…get fing over yourself… 🤣

If you lived there it would be different. A few months ago your parents even told you not to worry about them and if you loved her…to go. But that was before the hospitalizations.

And you flat out can’t do that to them. You don’t deserve this magnificent people. Sure everyone has parents but not like them. Endlessly compassionate. Frugal yet Giving. Hard-working and simple. Understanding and encouraging. They have done so much for you it is unfathomable to leave them now when they need you. And Mom could not make it in Canada.

They’re older and when they’re gone… you will go anywhere if she wants. Canada. Colorado. Outer Mongolia. She will have given so that your Duties could be met; she will have earned the right to decide where you will spend your future years together.

There is some anger there as well. The folks are a reason. Not wanting to move because you’ve already moved somewhere once is an inconvenience.

If she moved here you would sell your house so you could get her a suitable house for her shop. No-brainer; it’s just a house. She’d be everything.

You’re not going to give up your faith, so you really don’t have any right to have expectations of her changing her views.

Of course there is the obvious desire for her to share your faith – That’s what any Christian would want for any non-Christian. You’d do your best to be an advocate – which means respecting her views and not pushing her away. Be the example you wish to set. Few folks can do that. It sounds terrifying. You’re game though. 🙂

You know what is in your heart, and if you listen to it and are wise enough, maybe she will give it some consideration.

But even if she doesn’t she will never be loved one ounce less.

Then there’s biblical wisdom of seeking a Christian wife. You don’t care. If she’s never going to follow Christ, then you don’t want to be Wise. If you’re wrong, you’re the only one who will be hurt. And If you’re right? Zero problem whatsoever rolling those dice. 🙂

More than anything you want to go to her. Out of fear and terror that you will miss this tiny little crack of a window that you might have. If she asks you to come, you will be there literally as soon as you possibly can. Maximum two weeks so you don’t get fired.

Because you’ve been so scarred when it comes to those damned windows.

But you know what?

She kinda knows, Atreyu….

There isn’t some magical argument you can come up with to convince her of anything when she has made a decision.

Respect it or ride off into the sunset. So others might have gotten their way by pestering. You aren’t them. Be someone she can’t wait to talk in the afternoons.

Regardless of what you want the Crow to be, first understand what she actually was put in your life to be – The Muse. Whether it’s her or she helps guide you, you know she’s a part of that journey.

You decided long ago that she would get approval rights for any relationship you started. If a girl met her approval…. you would be okay.

You know the irony deep down that as protective of you are of her… deep down she is very protective of you was well.

Maybe that’s why you have difficulty sleeping…. wondering why she just won’t give you a chance… with all the stars aligning…

And that’s the frustration born from thinking the linear way you did before you met her and she taught you a new dimension to it all.

You really are an idiot sometimes. 🙂 Trust her. If the answer is no now, it’s no for a good reason.

Is he really gone this time? You don’t know. You really don’t. You don’t even know what happened and you don’t want to, because if it is beyond devastating and she does let him back in…. no more. Just no more.

If her needs are overwhelming her you will “sacrifice” the last 17 years to keep her away from him. Yeah like that would be a sacrifice to make your wildest dreams come true with that magnificent woman…

Whatever. The fact that you’re scared means you aren’t trusting her. And there’s only one way to fix that.

Trust Her.

Because if you can’t, nothing else even matters to begin with.

So shut up, smile, and make her smile. Something tells you… she won’t forget that you like her. 🤔

Now be her trusted friend and Do Not Wait for her. Try to find someone else. Because that’s the hard thing to do – and just how life works these days…🙂

But what if she finds someone else and you miss out again?

What do you think? It’s gonna hurt. But that’s no reason to turn into a whiny, lovesick husk of a man. Act your age, and work to be someone’s lottery win.

Time Squared.