The Muse

You had never been more scared of her. Intimidated. It’s one thing to see her beautiful bliss and turbulence in words on the 21st Century screen, and it is quite another to speak with her face-to-face on the same screen.

But the first time you saw her in person, it really put you in your place, dinnit? 🤣Crazy as it sounds, you actually benefited from him being there, so you could know at least feel on a higher branch than someone. Yes it’s callous to say, but the way of things.

Sure, she’s beautiful, but that wasn’t it. Your competitive side kicked in, and you were fine. Familiarity melted away much of the initial shock quickly.

The Crow is just… more… than what she might seem.

Took you a while to figure out what it was… she had a sense of appreciation…of respect for you…and you wanted to live up to it. She was excited to see you too – and admitted to being nervous as they drove up. (Damn that helped… 😌)

But there was more to it still. More to the Crow. More than even she perceives? Yup. No way around it.

Her home looms on yet another screen before you and you remember that feeling passing above Wynyard, Saskatchewan.

It’s….a throwback emotion these days. Lump in your throat in high school every time you spoke to Kelly Jacobs. Butterflies. And you had so forgotten how good they actually felt, for reasons that you will literally never, ever understand.

It’s nothing like it used to be… but in February, and…now… you feel that… “glow” inside (for lack of a better word). Heart beating slightly faster. Smile getting brighter. What once almost paralyzed you in nervousness maturity had thoroughly blunted, save for the memory of those butterflies.

That tells you something though – something you already knew about the Crow – but worth remembering regardless.

You see her in the same vein as Kelly Jacobs. Someone your mind chose (without consulting you…) as a transformational presence in your life.

You’re not 17 anymore, but damn if you haven’t felt like it on occasion. 🤣

Kelly tore you out of the cage of introversion you’d been put in by the likes of the car accident that shredded your face not two months into going to a new school knowing no friends. And she didn’t even notice. She eventually would, and you would eventually lose track of her and most everyone else from high school, but the memory of those first clashes with that side of yourself after so long being buried beneath introversion comes right to the forefront as each pixel brings you closer to Edmonton.

You really made an idiot out of yourself back then for her. I mean WOW… 🤣 But it was normal for a 17 year old kid – and – that’s what made it wonderful…

When your eyes see the Crow in just a few hours, you’re going to feel it again. Probably much shorter of a time. Maybe it won’t even be but for a brief moment. Raw emotions of youth eventually find balance, after all.

But…remember, and more importantly cherish that feeling and what you finally learned that it means – something you can’t even put into words…

Growth. Emergence from darker times. Comfort with reaching, while rejecting settling. A desire to prove yourself worthy. To equal the impressions you’ve built up.

And…to what end? Meh, don’t worry about it. Just know it’s a good one. And cherish that faint echo of butterflies you once used to know so well (and often). Makes you feel young again…like you haven’t wasted as much time….

The pilot announces 30 minutes to landing. Another deeper than normal breath. Just a shadow of the feeling that once was… but True.

Damn you can’t wait to see her… 😊

No matter what becomes of that chance encounter on yet another screen five years ago… she’s dragging you into a new chapter of your life just as Kelly once did.

One you’d thought was dead and buried, now a Phoenix from the ashes. The Muse sings once more. That song of inspiration, fear, joy, then eventually courage… and ultimately… the dynamism you once knew.

You just really wish you’d gotten more sleep… 🤣🤣🤣