Irony

So many fascinating aspects to the world, order and chaos; placidity and turbulence; fire and water. Everyone who was ever born has run some gamut between gregariousness and despondency. Levels of duality are normal when it comes to the slightly higher form of consciousness human beings possess above other mammals cobbled together after over 200,000 years thanks to enlarged brains from various factors like the discovery of cooking, which scientists believed was foundational to cognitive development, functioning as a ‘pre-stomach’, freeing internal body processes up for slightly enlarged organs – including the brain.

There is a difference between the mind and the brain. Well, a difference and not. Consciousness, emotion, higher forms of thought… are both more than the sum of the parts of the wrinkled fleshy material between the ears and the various chemicals sloshing around within it… and wholly comprised by them. And we meet our friend duality once more.

It’s a part of life for all of us…for some the cycle is mere ebb and flow, and for others could be described in terms of torrential positive and negative G forces. Through science, slowly but surely, tiny pieces of the puzzle of our reality seem to be revealed to us, courtesy of our developing intelligence and blossoming curiosity. We slowly begin – well, believe we begin – to understand both the brain and the mind to the point where we are able to soothe various ailments… of mind and body.

She isn’t the crazy one. You are.

The chemicals sloshing around in your modest gray matter bear certification of chronic depression, anger complex, attention deficit disorder, and something else that you’re forgetting right this second. You thought you had it bad until you recently found out one of your jackass grandfathers was a paranoid schizophrenic. And instantaneously some perspective was in order.

She feels she’s dangerous. Prone to hurting others. Her own words were: “neurotocisms, anxiety and depression, rage, sunstance abuse, and a dash of narcisism”.

And…. truth is…. she ain’t wrong. No one – no one – has ever sliced as deep. Never have you come anywhere near so close to a swirling vortex of energy, emotion, and passion like the Crow.

But that’s… not crazy. What’s crazy is how early and easily you sensed that realizing it. And that’s when the third and least understood part of being – the spirit – charged into the maelstrom dragging the rest of you with it.

You knew. You never told her just how early you knew she would mash you to pieces. How did you know? Looking at the drunken letter you never showed her that you wrote to yourself when her marriage ended… wow. You actually did know. Have all along.

Wasn’t much of a letter, you guess. Incoherent, misspelled, and you didn’t even really end it. Added in some guilt from hurting someone else because you’d do almost anything for the Crow that you would never do for her.

Actually humorous in retrospect, lolz 😂

So why are you the crazy one? Well you’re not one to simply put up with being abused, but at the same time with her… it’s different.

You are protective of her, in ways you have never understood. You feel her suffering and you instantly want to heal her. Or be a slow, yet torrential tide of a Placid Lake to engulf her in your embrace when her wild fire gets out of control.

You feel the anger in the range of the firestorm, and… you… *want* to be the one who endures it, because you… actually can – because you know when it’s her and when it’s not her. You can even sense it when you are attuned to her.

You are a born caregiver in some ways, in spirit if not effectiveness. When it comes to her, though… There’s a level of protectiveness that transcends virtually every lesson you have ever learned – but even still, it… makes sense to you.

You simply won’t go away. You can actually handle the slings and arrows from her that might slaughter you if cast upon you by another. And at this point in the development of your feelings, what burns the brightest within you is to see her soothed. Healed. Happy.

And yet… not significantly “changed”. You love her passion. Her Realness. Her desire. You wouldn’t change who she was in a million years in any way other than to soothe her rage; to bring calm to her when her world churns too hard; to bring peace to her when she when sadness tries to devour her.

You honestly feel… more and more… like you were put on this planet… just to be a stabilizing force in her life… just as if you yourself needed some healthy destabilization, lest you get stuck in the rut of your feared Ennui.

And if this is somehow so, what terrifies you the most… is the feeling that your purpose in life has already been failed… because she rejected you.

And yet here you are… the meaning of your life in danger when hers is placed in danger.

You will never not be in love with her in some way. It’s crazy because the new heart… is hers too… it’s just bigger. To incorporate armor. As if the pain was to temper the steel; to forge it into what can handle anything she throws at you with the smile, calm, and peaceful temperament that you can only be if you were a better man – what you desperately strive to be anyway.

And though you are biased… you just might perceive a tiny bit of the scaffolding of His Plan.

But if you have already blown your chance… you still have a job to do.

Make her laugh. Smile. Encourage her every turn to follow her dreams. To calm the fire in her heart when it begins to boil over. Be her “officer” in whatever way she will have you.

Be what God would have you be in her life.

And you have too much joy in yours to keep it all to yourself… 😊

Irony. Misery loves company. Just as much as Happiness does. 🤔

Duality.

Interesting… 🤔🤔🤔