New Market Street

Has it always been this enjoyable to walk? Well, yeah. More. Many years ago when you lived downtown. Surrounded all sides by 300 years of history. Walking down to Market Street to pick up a cigar for the evening; getting two so you had something to enjoy on your way home. Walking on the same streets men carried muskets down while heading to brothels. 

Of course back then the port itself what is a bunch of long rickety docks right downtown where Waterfront Park is today. Good old Waterfront. How many times did you repeat the mistake of taking the girl on the first date there? It was a great place for that, but none of those went anywhere; it had to be the park, lolz

Very early 2000’s. You were so different back then. Not personality-wise; that’s always been fairly constant ever since high school when you finally realized the scarring on your face had become hardly noticeable anymore and you were actually somewhat attractive. Of course this was back before the nerds won the Great Nerd/Jock War of the late 20th century.

Managed to play both sides of that one but you didn’t choose cross-country over the debate team. Was more you, though both were fun. You actually were pretty good on the Debate Team for a beginner, but you just keep gravitating towards macro rather than micro. Preferred cooperation to confrontation. The two activities and we’re both the same thing in that regards but cross country just seemed less so. And muscle aches were easier to get past than headaches.

Walking is a relaxing and good first step, though right now you’re gonna have to start spraying your hair down to keep it out of your eyes. Really getting long. You’ve actually considered growing along for the first time ever just because you never have had the opportunity to. Colonial maybe. Lol this virus is going to turn us all into hipsters. 

Trying to avoid news today again. What was once then a torrent of positivity flowing through your life had become a trickle. A lot of reasons behind it and most of them environmental. Self-Discipline Has never been a strength of yours sadly. It is so easy to just take a nap and risking the brain damage worsening. While your only significant accomplishment In self-discipline – the 17 years – was nothing short of amazing in retrospect, much of it stemmed from simply avoiding putting yourself in those situations, and for far too long the toxicity of pornography; something you’re gonna have to claw your way out of again now.

The only observation that can be made from that is that there are good and bad ways of dealing with self discipline issues. 

And for better or worse now is a different time. You feel very sorry for Flame. She is trapped and in love with you. Sees you as a savior, the poor thing. Ever since she walked back in your life you picked up right where you left off encouraging her to be independent. Have a car, have a job, have a social life outside of her family and people she meets singing songs with on Smule. Poor girl is still 16 years old in her head.

You were in the midst of that encouragement when she left. That’s just not who she is despite how much she Says she wants to be. Bottom line is right now trying to inspire others is the one thing that gives you so much meaning in life, but apparently you suck at it.

No reason to let it bother you; it is what it is. If you had a better relationship with God you’d probably be a little better at it, but you can’t do anything about the decisions other people make, and you are far better channeling that desire into something that allows you to help others achieve their dreams. At least then they’d be invested also. 

Back in the early 2000s you wanted more than anything to be a financial aid counselor at the College of Charleston. Help kids go to school Who couldn’t afford it in such a way they weren’t screwed afterwards. Thanks for the way that industry has gone, that career is as dead as being a loan officer at a bank. FICO can go die in a fire. 

Fascinating how the entire world fell apart just after yours did. You still have the brain damage to work out, and medicine really doesn’t care about that right now. This isn’t just a “before and after moment” in your life it’s one for the whole world.

Take heart in your intentions in this life, but only that. Intentions are meaningless in the long run without results for anything but inspiration. And Inspiration in the long run is meaningless without self-discipline.

Energy. You need energy. And not just for five hours. The good news is… though maybe it’s arrogance… you’ve always felt the future will be brighter. Seek Wisdom and you might just be right.

Wednesday thoughts…