Warmth

I reach out to Him in prayer for you.  prayer for you to feel His warmth. His peace. His love. Mine falls short. I am nothing without Him and yet I tried to speak for him to you in arrogance.

What I thought was the story of rebuilding the temple is the story of high expectations followed by disappointment because of the self-righteousness and lethargy of those who would rebuild what had been destroyed.

The meaning escapes me other than That this new heart will fail if I do not let Him fill it with His grace.

I failed you Because I left my desire for you come before His wishes. His wishes are for you to be happy. At peace. Your wounds healed by building up on the foundation your father placed within you.

You rightfully lost respect for me when I forgot His wishes and substituted my own.

I don’t know what my path is now. But it must be the one He sets out for me, or I will continue to fail.

I must find what I have lost, and what I have continued to lose far longer than you’ve known me.

Warmth filled my heart. I tried to send some to you. Only you know if I succeeded.

I didn’t ask Him for answers, only for Him to be with me as I sought to understand a tiny piece of the world around us.

You are sacred to me.  I need you to have peace. Love. Warmth. I have tied my life to yours. I didn’t know what I was getting into. But in that I have no regrets. 🙂

He loves you and so do I. I don’t know what anything means right now. I don’t know if He wants me to move on without you in my life, but if He does, then it is needed for you to have what I have wanted you to have since the day I met you.

Forgive me for the wrongs I’ve done by you. For letting my selfishness get in the way. For me wanting you for myself.

For now, I cause discord in your life when what I want for you is peace and happiness. I told you I would never leave unless I became the source of problems for you. By your words even tonight I have been. 

I don’t know what that means. Other than the path I must choose is the one He leads me on – not the one I would choose for myself.

Close your eyes and feel His warmth; I see your smile in my mind and ignorantly try to send it through my own heart.

Tonight. Tomorrow. And as long as it continues to beat. 

Gnite, Jenn 🙂