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What do you do when you are misunderstood in different arguments but each of you are so sick of the arguments that you realize it’s counterproductive to try to clarify it?

Nothing. 🙂

Greater picture always gets muddled in any conversation because any conversation by definition is the smaller picture. It’s ironic that so many greater overall influences in emotion can override even a good or bad mood. 

When she finally reached out to you in true need, you could feel that need. Everything changed, because deep down somehow you were able to shelve your frustration and the fact you knew nothing would change. That was good; which means it wasn’t you that gave you that serenity. Your heart was calmed so you could be there for her.

You still don’t know what to make of anything in the grand scheme. But you know how negative your feelings have become. Negative? A far more fair word than ‘angry’. A lot of the little stuff you haven’t even talked to her about because it serves no purpose, but still impacts you. Online dating is impossible. No one is even remotely like her; though that’s ironic because your feelings for her have changed too. What bearing does that have on anything other than to cause problems for you?

Fortunately it doesn’t matter right now because you are sidelined when it comes to dating anyway, and you have your hands full with health concerns in the meantime. So at the very least you don’t have that pressure on you.

Whatever. You’re just sick of it. Three dreams in one afternoon and you couldn’t even escape the frustration when you slept. Haven’t had any dreams of any kind since, so maybe you were just on one that day.

If there is something you have learned from the research you have done though it is that the damage to you – though lesser – is also real.

Best bet is for you to just find anything else to talk about. You will do that as best you can, because that’s what you both want.

She might not know what you meant,  but she knows how you feel. And most importantly, your limits. Yes, you actually get to have limits too. Everyone does.

Give her some credit and trust in God. Everything makes sense with that in retrospect. If she is truly in need, you truly need to be there, and He will truly be there for you.

So go easy on the day-to-day and make yourself easier to get along with. The negativity pisses you off and it needs to go. She is sacred to you, so the last thing you want is for there to be negativity in the way.

But know your limits, because this is coinciding with the slow changes in your life you need to make - something that’s scared the crap out of you for many years.

You used to be a real arrogant bastard. It really messed you up, and you learned your lesson, but way too hard. Now that Flame is back in your life you have come to realize that so much of the mythology you concocted was simply that. Either that hasn’t fully hit you or it wasn’t nearly as damaging as it seems that ought to have been. You know that you’ve been missing something for a very long time.

That means you are going to have to find a way to tap back into what you have avoided like the plague for so long. Your confidence in many things has been superficial, especially now.

So much of that “you” you left behind. Well you need some of it back. Not much. Just enough. 

Good news is you see the cognitive issue as something to overcome, and it has been a very long time since you had something tangible like that. Use it to overcome and build confidence.

And then keep building until you find Resilience… then stop. There is only one definition of self-respect, and you need to achieve it. That doesn’t mean feeling good about who you are. Feelings are fleeting. It means being in balance in your world, and thus at peace. You don’t get to define reality; you need the wherewithal to understand it so you can find your true path.

And vibrance.

Today needs to be a good day. If not,  whatever. Then tomorrow will need to be a good day. If not, whatever. Rinse, lather, repeat.

And while you do have a really really comfortable recliner and sofa, but good days don’t happen spending most of your time in them.

It’s okay, Atreyu. Literally everything is alright. There’s no reason for your blood pressure to be a problem. There is also no reason for you to deny the fact that your blood pressure is again becoming a problem.

There’s a lot that “you don’t need right now”,  but there’s also a lot you do. 🤔

Find more balance. You’re already making a little progress on your eating and exercise. Build on that. This time slowly. Make it a part of your lifestyle instead of a goal to meet and then let creep back up.

Get past your anger at God. It’s beyond counterproductive because deep down you trust Him more than yourself; so it’s not gonna drive you away but at the same time it doesn’t do any good.

Now would be a good time for the Celt to come home, though that does sound scary. She’s good at helping inspire you, when she’s not frustrating you. 

Now, find a way of being productive today. 🤔

And if you insist on holding that everyone else needs to “just get over themselves”… then ya darn well better do the same. 🤣