When you spend over an hour on your thoughts only to try to discard a change because of a typo and the site to mysteriously and completely delete what you’ve been pouring thought into.
Or is it just more likely you can’t hit the right buttons because your brain is still messed up and you hit discard post because you thought it was discard changes? 
How can you even know anymore?  How can you live like this?  Oh sure everyone makes mistakes… And if your life ambitions were to work at Chick-fil-A and not take a job where you actually seriously help other people for a living, it’d be fine.
But you need more. Fine little tight rope you have here. Taking the frustration and channeling it to constructive purposes in such a way where you don’t use it to beat yourself up and get to be more depressed than you already are.
You’re not really sure how much of a chance you gave the sleep shift thing, but whether or not it works, it’s not working right now so find something that will.  Self discipline. Getting up at the same time. Getting into a regimen of a schedule, even if it’s just to sit around and do stuff you want to do.
You try to stimulate your brain with 17-year-old video games, but you use the same strategies as you did during the GWB administration. Shit, you know what? If you’re pissing away all your time… Make a schedule for pissing away your time and hold to it. Why not try that?
Dad gave you another contact. Friend of his at a tech school to talk to you about career things. You haven’t emailed them yet because of pride… as if pride was gonna help you find anything in life after making the same damn mistakes over and over.
Whatevs. Pat yourself on the back for the things that you are doing right. Eating healthier. Small can of veggies with every supper. 10,000 steps at least three times a week. Two months – longer than ever while living alone – without once watching filth. You’d never even accomplished that when you tried to focus all your thoughts on one woman; you eventually broke down and tried to find someone that resembled her and later fell back in the habit. But now there can’t be turning back. Things are just… getting better. You can feel it. Maybe one day you’ll even be attracted to someone that likes you on Match. Your research tells you that’ll take more time though. If you keep getting in shape, who knows… you might be able to live up to responsibilities you refuse to fail at. Let’s face it… It’s not like God doesn’t want you to knock her socks off. He wants you to be able to make her happy. And now… you have given yourself a streak to maintain. Curse your fucking flaws. Whatever… be thankful they’re not worse. 🤔
Going to church every Sunday morning has been really easy, and you have a good reason to do so knowing that you were sharing it with someone who really appreciates it. Even if things get back to normal it still needs to be streamed on YouTube. If they decide they don’t need to do that maybe you can convince them to let you learn how to do it for them. 
Build. Create. For once in your life you have time. Yes you will screw up and accidentally hit discard. It’s okay. You hate making mistakes for many reasons, but an unhealthy one is pride. And yeah it’s really tough to learn right now. You even got confused trying to learn how to clean the stupid gun. Frustrated. Put it off to the side for later.
It’s alright. One step at a time. One area of your life at a time will make things better across-the-board. You’ve kept the mask on when you’ve made it to bed, but with very little to do during the day you sleep so easily.
Whoever she is, wherever she is, she wants you to succeed. Needs you to succeed. Please don’t let yourself die alone. And please don’t settle. That would only lead to resentment, and you really want to share with life with someone and make her the most special woman in the world.
Don’t let anger and frustration consume you anymore. Let God lead you in the direction He wants. Such an easy thing to say and such a hard thing to do. 
Now go to bed so you can be awake for church. And thank God that you finally have someone special to share it with.
It’s Not a Frame of Mind 