Lord Huron

Earworm. Ironic. Appropriate though. You knew this week would be hard. Memories of a year ago. Happiest you’ve been since…. well… who knows…

Now…everything in your life is different. Collapsed. Except the feelings you have for her, and those she has for you.

You struggle to improve. For her. Even if you come up empty… she inspires you. You love being in love with her. It makes you capable of more. Pushing harder. Fighting longer. More. Always has.

And you know she wants you to be more as well. Even if not for her sake, for yours. Makes hard change easier. And so long as you’re not chasing a lie, you’d welcome the inspiration.

But there is only one way for you to love a woman – to love her more than you love yourself. Your dreams. Your life. None of them are worth nearly as much when you’re alone. They are replaced by yourselves, both your dreams, and both your lives. Making love as one spirit, one body, one shared dream. Anything for her but the three rules she already knows you can’t break; so fundamental they seem absurd to even mention.

And… that’s why you must hold true. To God’s wishes, not yours. You feel in your very soul… that the two of you are wasting what precious time you have together. And when she said she probably only had 20 years left… it hit like a freight train…

You still don’t understand now. You still feel certain, but you have been humbled too many times… and it doesn’t even matter if you hold true to what you really want. Her. Finding home.

Words cannot describe how amazing it could be to have both, But you don’t deserve that, especially now. Recover. Learn. Grow. Be more. And one day you might. Pray she does the same. and who knows, you might be right.

Until then… Let her inspire you. Your Muse. And do your best to put Him first. Him, and Home.

They sang A Mighty Fortress this morning; as always encouraging folks to sing at home. You couldn’t. Tears of joy. Saw a glimpse of what you couldn’t explain in a million years. Him. Working.

Please don’t get in the way. How could you ever deserve her love if you did?

How could you deserve anyone’s? 

That’s it. Standards. You need them to be who you’re meant to be… for whatever purpose that is. You like having them. You feel they make you a better person. And she makes you want to hold true to them.

And during this uncertain time in your life, you need them more now than ever.

Rest. Remember blissfully resting in her arms. And rest…