Fixing it.

We need to talk. I needed you tonight and you were there. Thank you. With more words that I know, thank you. But something’s wrong. A coldness. Distance. Confusion on my end. Facing a lot of adversity (by my spoiled standards) has led me to have an undercurrent of frustration. Other factors chime in and instant sleep problems. And from there on, there goes the neighborhood.

I’m by your side. But on autopilot. That needs to be fixed. Foundation is solid, but the aim is Vibrance. And for me that means containing a few fires…

It’s my hope that navigating through the first hurdle in Classes will be a shot in the arm. Celt came back just in time to help me learn the basics of the system. Just getting one solid hit in the form of an accomplishment will do wonders.

The mold situation is what it is. I have a plan and am going to have to do lots of slow, frustrating work. And it’s hitting me in my insecurities royally because no man needs to rely on the folks at this age. And the more they do the more awkward I feel. This stuff does have to be done or it will spread. Otherwise I’d be fine with living with it until I could slowly get rid of it, Or whatever homeowners do who don’t have thousands of spare dollars around.

Watched rioters and mobs terrorize people just trying to live their lives and wishing someone would hit a packed crowd with molotovs. Thinking the kid that defended himself by shooting the two rioters trying to kill him would have just shrugged and got his money’s worth and painted the street red with his AR if he’s going to be jailed for self defense.

That’s not me, Lord. And it needs fixing.

The lack of confidence, proper sleep, disorganization, anger and insecurity are causing problems. Making me dwell on them and not You.

I don’t like this feeling. The universe is off, but there’s no way I can explain how. And it’s my responsibility to fix it. And there’s no reason why I can’t do it considering the 99% you’ve already done.

This stuff sneaks up on me. Has seemed to explode around Crow, but still we need you to help us fight it off.  We are all vulnerable and if I didn’t know better I’d bet those little bastards are using teamwork because we are. Always hitting us where we’re weak.

I need you, Lord. There are a million things I just don’t understand. And I probably never will. But I trust you. I don’t want to be cold anymore. I don’t like this. Thank you for being there tonight. Please keep holding her in your arms. Please help me shred my negativity. Just like mold I didn’t realize how bad it was until I had to fight it off. And frankly I need to give You credit for that too because my head was spinning thanks to sleep issues all week.

”I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.” Philippians 4:13

Stuff piled up. Please strengthen me. And please give her inspiration to ask you do the same for her. Her burdens are heavier than mine.

In Jesus’s Name,

Amen