So weird, what gives one stress. Two phone appointments with good folks interested in helping you today, the first one paid, the second one a good friend of dad’s who is a motivational speaker and mentor. Reading in the book about Live Visioning and trying to gain wisdom and insight into understanding what areas to target to gravitate towards a path more suited to your ‘hunter mindset’. Signing up with various job services to hunt things temporarily. Amazon already blowing up your phone. Trying to isolate an exercise group that would help you get into a better overall physical shape to sharpen your mind. One you found is free, does Christian fellowship with fitness, and highly recommended by a friend. But…very, very early in the morning. And no women.
One of those is problematic, lol.
But damn if right now you didn’t hang up the phone last and not all of a sudden become instantly aware of your stomach being in knots and a weight being lifted by your lungs. FFS… WHY?
I mean you know these folks. You’re doing what you’re supposed to. Learning, putting yourself out there, all manner of things you’ve done before. It seemed a heck of a lot scarier last time too. And… while you have confidence issues with making mistakes, you’re addressing it – doing what you’re supposed to do. So why all the knots? The deep breath release when you hung up the phone and stress you didn’t even realize you were having?
Nichelle Nichols was gawjuss back in the day. Maybe she’s the reason a small part of you has an odd attraction to black women in good shape that have beautiful smiles. Nothing like with cute redheads, but it was rather difficult for you to not want to ask out a certain supervisor of yours at Xerox back in the day…
So irritating that your favorite episode of the old Star Trek – The Doomsday Machine – didn’t have Nichelle in it. The episode was a classic, and though remastered, you love the original special effects. For the Doomsday Machine itself…not the model used for the USS Constellation. Though the hilarity for how bad the mock up was does sort of get in the way of how menacing the Doomsday Machine itself was.
It was just a windsock dipped in paper mache, with a sparkler within. But it looked to you when you watched it as a kid like a literal Eye Of Fire. That thing, coming at the stalwart Captain Kirk, in between eating freaking planets… It didn’t “scare” you, but wow when you think about the first time you actually felt any tension, it probably came from TV (you were a happy go lucky kid). Darned if it probably came from this episode – the first episode you actually remembered.
The music at the end, as Kirk stared into the Eye of Oblivion with the “my clothes are so tight because of the gravitational field caused by my huge balls” look on Shatner’s face as he stood there, helpless. He’d already won. The Planet Killer was itself doomed. Set the charges and Scotty frantically repairs the transporter to get him out before the improvised bomb goes off, blowing apart the Enterprise’s twin inside the Machine. Spock calmly calling out exceptionally unhelpful suggestions to Scotty as he metaphorically attaches wires with gum and duct tape with not a second to spare. Kirk finally cracks a note of concern “Gentlemen I suggest you beam me aboard” brilliantly. Oh, he gets it. He’s not some “I’m a badass not scared of anything!”, but that doesn’t mean he’s not going to give a hint that he’s not completely in charge of the situation, even when it’s the exact opposite.
But the real hero of the scene was Sol Kaplan, who frankly deserved to be a bazillionaire after John Williams basically ripped off the score for “Jaws”. For literally 35 years, in the back of your mind, that sound is what stress/anxiety/you name it… “sounded like”. Literally the only thing that needed remastering was the dorking little model of the Enterprise they banged up for the Constellation since they couldn’t ding the master filming model.
Damn you can still feel it. You love this scene. Especially the music. Because it strikes perfectly in exactly what it was going for. So much so that you almost subconsciously “hear it”? Feel it? in your stomach and lungs even today. As perfect as you find it a fit for the moment in the episode, you actually like it in general. Sounds fun in a weird way. Like you would LOVE to be able to somehow use it in a tense scene in D&D for the players to ratchet up tension to 11… but there’s no way to because of how “in-character” and “out of character” time work. Only way to do it would be to loop it and put it on low in the background, but that would be a little too subtle. “Da na da na da na da na….” isn’t supposed to be subtle in the background… it is IN. YOUR. FACE. AND. ABOUT. TO. EAT. YOUR. PLANET. Lolz
Now?
An Entire week has passed since you left off this draft… well naturally because you didn’t have the pressure of another appointment. Until today. And the knots appear again….
So much to Process. You’re not doing nothing but it sure doesn’t feel that way. The bad news is this is not a recipe for success. But the good news is… It literally can change it in an instant.
Take heart from that. And write more… this is good for you. 🙂
It’s Not a Frame of Mind 