Not belonging

Had that weird feeling you can’t put your finger on again today. It’s been a while. Things felt almost alien. Almost like you didn’t belong where you were, doing the things you did. Almost as if you were supposed to be hanging out with other friends from long ago. Or like work was keeping you away from some office where you were supposed to be working.

You haven’t felt this way in a long time. Well significantly at least. It’s almost like that feeling when you’re a kid and change schools. It doesn’t take you that long to find a crowd and blend in and as soon as you feel like you’re part of that crowd there is this oddness that seems to find you that the level of familiarity isn’t the way it was with the past crowd.

So difficult to explain. Now you want chocolate ice cream so bad. Not the ice cream substitute that you are eating to keep sugar intake low; The real stuff with chunks of fudge in it.

Well craving sugar means you’re actually accomplishing something.

Maybe the feeling stems from the fact that you don’t really interact with anyone on a regular basis in person like you would if you had an office job or lived in a busy apartment complex.

It’s almost like you could feel like you stepped into a parallel universe or something, and sensed some cosmic difference like Guinan in Yesterday’s Enterprise.

Celt is hardly home anymore. New guy. Something puts you off about that, but it’s probably just the eternal hatred you now have for being the third, fifth, or seventh wheel.

You’re tired in the afternoons. Have to fight the urge to take a nap. Wastes your time. Need to find out what’s wrong with energy levels; sleeping after work just robs you of time you’re going to wish you had back.

Sleeping has been difficult lately. Especially going to bed at a reasonable time. You’ve never had problems waking up too soon and not being able to get back to sleep. Been a plague the last two weeks. That damn chest pain is back too. Just doesn’t wanna go away.

Well get used to it. You’re not gonna get any younger.

It’s so easy to get angry right now. Not sure why. But there’s no place for that outside of college football season. Might go for a walk. Might drive somewhere to walk around because the area here is just so well-traveled lately.

Yeah that’s a good idea. So boring. Everything’s finally getting back to normal Covid-wise. Such a Beautiful day. Cloudless. Mid 70s. Would love to take someone to folly beach tonight. pick one of a dozen odd dinner places you’ve never been before. Warm breeze. Moonlight. Purpose.