It began 21 years ago. Being grateful to God for fulfilling His promise made to you on the night you hit what for you was rock bottom. At your worst point, you knew you would make it if you did the work. And even after doing the work, you had to make a promise that you would give up the anger in your heart.
For the first time you get it. It wasn’t about winning and walking across that stage. It wasn’t about “overcoming being done wrong”; Crossing paths with Flame again, you now know she was never your enemy. It was about choosing to Grow – and Be More.
And May 14 sure came at a good time in your life this time, lolz. But you actually forgot something… 😂
This year it fell on the good old alma mater’s annual alumni event.
Thousands here, dressed beautifully and elegantly to the nine. Recent graduates too young to remember 9/11, mixed in with older Alumni reconnecting with old friends. The whole of the campus decked out in prom-like levels of regalia.
You actually had forgotten it was tonight. It was one of so many things that you had wanted to share. You finally had someone truly special you had been waiting for to share them with. And now that you’re here looking around at all these happy people on this beautiful evening, it’s not that much of a disappointment.
There’s no way on earth she would’ve wanted to come to this with you. If you had a date you would’ve just loved to come to something like this even though you didn’t know anyone. Her most of all. But crowds, fun, positive energy? Considering how indignant she got at you in that place so sacred to you that you said something dumb getting caught up in the moment about being stronger than her here, she proved it. She’d have no part of a fashionable night like this.
All the time you’ve been single and you’ve never gone stag to a thing like this, despite endless experiences as the third wheel. Good thing you dressed up. Trimmed up the beard, got the haircut yesterday, down about 10 lbs… you look good. Not amazing yet, but you’re good.
No one even checked for your invitation. You’re an alum. Didn’t even need to flash the ring that finally now fits consistently again. You belong here. Somehow they know. You watch and smile, raise the Strawberry Banana juice cup you were going to hide the cigar ashes in. 😂 Enjoy the night. The celebration. Positivity. Laughter.
Great music. Just wonderful times other people are having. People with so many memories of this place just like you have yours. But you don’t know a single person here. And there was just a guy in a kilt. Because Charleston. 😂
So much pent up inside about her, but tonight’s not the night. At some point soon you will unblock her to keep the one channel open if she asks for prayer, but otherwise that’s that. Over 350 pictures deleted. Everything. You must try to forget what she looks like. That otherworldly beautiful smile will destroy itself and it’s devastating. Mourning more than missing. You still want so much for her to be truly happy.
But… Enough. The drama and negativity serve no purpose. Mourn the loss, clean the wound, and heal. Good news is you now have so much more of an appreciation for the kind of woman you need, rather than who needs you. You’re 45. You need More. So be More.
And the first step in Being More is realizing how much your life has now changed.
You now truly appreciate what it is like being with a woman you love. Happiness like you had never imagined. Your other half. Every day. Becoming one of your family. And that seed got planted deep.
The day you saw the dolphins at Waterfront Park was the day you have been waiting for for 22 years.
May 14 is finally the second happiest day of your life. Crow broke down that wall… and despite everything else, you owe her so deeply.
No, it didn’t work out – but that doesn’t change what December 6 felt like. This doesn’t feel like last 22 years of May 14 anymore. Good party. 😂
You are slowly filling with purpose. It’s almost reflexive. Diet. Exercise. Becoming more professional. Going to church for fellowship and wisdom rather than just seeing friends.
You feel His purpose in your life; it won’t be long to find a woman who is right for you now. Someone seeking you as you seek her. You may already have, but let’s keep that optimism in check.
For now… enjoy the night. You finally don’t need this tradition anymore. Sure didn’t end the way you thought it would, but that’s God for you. 😂
The fact that Crow is gone means Dec. 6 won’t be able to replace it. But it has finally become a feeling, not a memory.
Which is why you’re not going to have to wait much longer. And you won’t. You feel energized. You’ve tried it your way. You’ve learned you need to Be More, and choose God’s way.
The truth of the matter is that you’re starting to realize… Once your anger is done evaporating, that Crow changed you – for the better.
Lol… let’s see if you’re right.
You might come out another 5/14 one year hiding a cigar; it’s always a nice night each year.
But otherwise…
It’s 12:05am. May 14 is finally over.
🙏🕊 🥂
🌷.
It’s Not a Frame of Mind 