Mournday

Poor guy. Think he was a red shouldered hawk. Big one. Big enough to have claws as big as a cat. Just laying there dead in the road leading to the house last night.

Hate that. Beautiful majestic animal; seeing it like that. Was probably sick; not sure how such a powerful bird would be hit by a car otherwise.

Was so tired last night. Didn’t have much energy but you weren’t gonna let it lay there in the street. Just like you did when you found the poor cat just 100 feet further down, at least you got it out of the road. Not really sure what the protocol is; it’s not something you’d thought about.

He was still there where you’d left him when you came home from work. Big, hooked beak and eye open facing up. So wish there was something you could do to be able to let it fly once more.

You suck at helping people too, so don’t sweat the hawk.

Sore throat been on all day. Energy levels are very off and on. You felt fine yesterday, but you might have something after all. Mom is almost back to normal from Covid and bronchitis, so now Dad tests positive for Covid right before the week he supposed to have spinal surgery.

Not a promising start to the week. Church was good Sunday; sermon was on identity. What are you if you were in a completely unfamiliar land. You take notes furiously while listening to try to keep working on your cursive and to use as a memetic device to absorb things better.

Until you figure out what’s wrong with you healthwise, the gym is on hold. You felt fine yesterday after a negative test earlier in the week so you can’t beat yourself up too much over church. Everyone’s eventually going to get Covid at some point so there’s no point freaking out about it.

Asked a friend randomly for the next book to read after John and someone suggested James, so that’s the plan. No idea what it’s about, but you mentioned how it’s being a harder to reach out to Him right now; like you almost have to force yourself to do it. It’s like yeah you already know X, Y, and Z; sure, etc.

All that means is that you’re supposed to be reaching out. In the past you were younger and more emotional and now that you’re older and wiser He’s not going to reach out in that same way anymore. Why would he reach out the easy way? That’s for starters. Now it’s your turn to reach for Him. You get it. Because when you take the time to, you feel it.

A relationship with Christ is not a casual thing. It can be at some stages, but as you develop, you don’t need “signs” (for lack of a better word). By now, you know He’s there and He loves you. So now it’s your turn.

And you are, so that’ll work out in time.

Mourn the hawk. It’s okay. Keep reaching for God and it really doesn’t matter what kind of week you have. Accept what you must and move forward.

Could always be worse. 🙂