Not even noon yet on Monday and you can tell this is going to be a trial of a week. And you still know the storm on the horizon hasn’t really even begun to churn yet.

Life just never hits you piecemeal does it? Well maybe it does, but it’s not so bad because it is just one at a time.

You’ve been through far worse and you will be through far worse in the future. That’s not the problem. Problem is the storm is bigger than just you.

One of your dearest friends is neck deep in anger at you and honestly has been for a few weeks, for reasons you really don’t understand. You’ve tried to stay positive, then she tried twice to stab you in the heart when you failed her. She’s pushing you away. She must have her reasons, but you’re really worried about her. How can you not be? Mixed messages for months and months and you literally just don’t know what’s truly going on in her mind…or heart. She seems like she wants to hurt you and there’s only one way left that she can. And that wouldn’t just hurt; it would devastate you.

A new friend and coworker is fighting her own battle just to come into work. You feel you need to make it as easy on her as you can or she’ll crack. Considering you can’t even make it easy for yourself, an uphill battle begins… along with the hell of having to go back to where you spent eight months of misery for “a little while”.

You can see it in mom’s and dad’s eyes they’re afraid for each’s health, and you know they’d keep you away from the stress as much as they could – so it’s worse than you think. That’s all you can know. Which makes it worse.

Tiny slivers of silver lining can be found, but this is no time for Optimism. But that is why Optimism is more important than ever.

It’s hitting in May for a reason. Just hope the reason isn’t because it would destroy you some other time.

You hark on the virtue of Wisdom, but that’s because what little wisdom you actually have, you treasure – because you’d suffered so hard to get it.

And that Wisdom tells you…trust Him. No matter how mad you are at Him. No matter how hard it gets. No matter what you don’t understand.

And if you lose everyone you love, and everything you have, and god forbid everything you are…

Be nothing but thankful for the days you got to have them in your life…

…and hold fast. Because the page is about to turn…and the new heart you’re building isn’t ready yet…

One is on the way. You can feel it on the wind. Part of you is glad. You have survived every one and this one will be no different. You are in the trenches, but they are better than the doldrums now aren’t they?

Some confidence is actually appropriate; you’re able to not be bitter. Sure wasn’t easy. Won’t be. At this point likely ever. Maybe that’s why you’re looking forward to the storm. When you’re so tired of your struggles you look forward to different ones.

Ditch Facebook. Enough. As it is, watching that endless cycle is just insulting and hurting you. Batten down the hatches. Start fortifying LinkedIn again. Who knows… Compartmentalize. What comes out on the other side of the squall will be stronger, if even by a minuscule amount.

May Wisdom lead you – though please not home yet. There’s still too much confusion. Winds blowing in four directions at once and these sails are tattered. These waters aren’t home, but you came out here for a reason… And you’re not scared of them anymore.

Bring the storm. Wish it all upon yourself and yourself alone. And once you’re through it… you’ll finally have clear skies.

To what end? Only God knows. But that’s fine. He’s a better sailor than you’ll ever be. You’ll be fine.

Not soon. But soon enough…

Bring it. Insomnia for something new… and you’re finally wise enough to find it invigorating.

You called it almost 3 years ago, but you didn’t listen to yourself. That’s why she was put in your life. Chaos isn’t the enemy you thought it was.

Chaos is possibility. Chaos is opportunity. Chaos is energy.

If you aren’t careful it will blow up in your face. You can’t control it. But you can choose to navigate through it without trepidation instead of avoiding it.

In the calm before the storm, the skies are clear. You see more clearly now than you have in a long time. That will change when the storms arrive.

But now… you have finally learned Time Squared. Even you don’t get how you’re so optimistic. Even here. Even now. You wouldn’t be if you were truly on your own.

Wintersun’s guitar begins to swirl the waters around the cove. The wind feels soothing and cool.

20 years ago today, your first heart was breaking wide open. Then into pieces, and lost to the sea.

But that was a different time. And never again will you be afraid of a storm…in May.

https://youtu.be/X9ukSm5gmKk

Not much does. 

Words can’t describe how much it is. In fairness, it’s been asked to do more than it has in years, and gone so much farther than it ever has before.

Maybe this is exercise. Just the warm-up for a new chapter of life  but it’s needed to stretch and work out to prepare for.

Maybe this is it way of saying it wasn’t meant for what you’re asking of it.

So….what are your priorities?  What are you doing out here?  Here be dragons, after all, and you have weathered many, many storms. 

What are your priorities? Do they really matter? And if they do, who do they matter to? If they matter to others, what are their priorities?

If you look long enough, you can tell.

So now…to Scylla or Charybdis? Is that where we’ve journeyed? This far out?  Did Wisdom lead us here? Probably not, but she can get us home. 

 …if it’s time. 

…when it’s time.