Your whole body aches. Even your bones are tired. You stand there with your ten stalwart companions; bloody, sweaty, drained, and everything but beaten. Staring down the barrel of the last eleven men who can stop you. And right now they’d each give three kidneys to do it. You’re the last two undefeated teams left. And now the best of each team is on the field. This is what you’ve dreamed of ever since you were old enough to care. Both bands are hurling fight songs all across the stadium. Yet you can barely hear them over the roar of 80,000 maniacs, with millions across the nation joining in that chorus. Prayers are being uttered, beer bottles are raised, and every kid in the stadium is peeking through their fingers. There are no time outs left. But there’s one more play. With two seconds on the clock. The ball is on their three yard line. And it’s Fourth Down and Destiny.
Little aches and pains here and there. They started out small, just as earlier generations said they would. They’re going to be companions for as dad would say “The duration”.
Oh they will come and go as they always have but some will linger on long pass their welcome. And the more we have the worse it will one day be.
Growing older is more appealing than the alternative. And with understanding of the future, drawing lessons from the past, and gratefulness for all that one has for the present… perhaps someone can find peacefulness.
At least for a few moments here and there.
Time is fleeting. Feel the wonders of His creation around us. The simplest of things. The calling of birds. Rustling of trees. Slow lap of ocean waves. Cool breeze on mountain lakes. Warm fur of a loving four-legged companion.
Like aloe on a burn, let it drown the turbulence of the world. If only for a few moments.
Powerful. It’s who she is. Friendly, relaxed and approachable just like anyone else, sure. But in those moods and in those times, there is almost a sense of pause she gathers herself and gazes upon you.
Regal. Elegant. Wily, yet serene. Beautiful obviously, but so much more. So much more of a presence, you have no idea how to describe it it’s just there, or it’s not. You just know. Some kind of magnetism. Someone who would stand out in a crowd just because… she does.
But it’s almost like a power she can turn on and off. Sometime she is in the mood to just cook dinner. Or watch a movie. Or one of a million things any other woman would. She loves being seen the way you see her. But she doesn’t want your life engulfed by her anymore than hers engulfed by you. She writes, paints, draws, gardens, sings, hikes, or one of a million hobbies she has of her own, and loves life on her own, thriving in the sunlight and dancing through the night. She smiles. She laughs. She loves.
Her presence is warmth. Mystery. Excitement. Seductive? Beyond, but only by choice. She doesn’t try to seduce, only attract. She knows she doesn’t have to use her whole measure; it’s overkill. She knows just who she is is enough, but that doesn’t stop her every once in a while from just blowing you out of the water and making you stammer at her with that loving, yet almost smug smile. She has you and you love it.
Intelligent? Yes, but also seeking wisdom. She can talk for hours about the past. Or shared interests she introduces you to. She wonders what it would have been like to share a table with Nelson, Augustus, Patton or da Vinci. Whereas you wonder how a castle was defended, she reaches out to touch the stonework and feel that a part of her shares the same world as the people themselves. And yet she wouldn’t mind coming up with a background for a goofy D&D character if you really wanted her to.
She has been wisened by her journey through life. No matter where she comes from she has seen plenty of people, places, and experiences to temper her judgment. To appreciate her world. To overcome her wounds, not forget them; to cherish the life she has, and not look back. Her life has not always been as it is now. She’s suffered. Been humbled. Overcome so much. She’s done with it, but her fire hasn’t dimmed. Now it obeys her, and only a fool would assume she can’t wield it when she chooses. She is powerful enough to realize she does not need to rain down her fury on mundane issues. They aren’t worth her time of day.
She is almost like a lion tamer when it comes to you. You vent your frustrations with fire and fury, as she sits there with a generously smug smile, kindly letting you get it out of your system. The voice of calm when you are acting the fool. In private of course. Embarrassing her in front of others by not being a man of her standards is just not going to happen.
Your behavior reflects on her; and you will not make her look foolish for choosing you. By her nature she makes you raise your standards. She doesn’t waste her time in realms of negativity she doesn’t need to. That gets in the way of her bliss. And what gets in the way of her bliss is your problem. Her bliss is your job. As yours is hers.
When the roles are reversed it is much the same, and you are the calm one who is her anchor as she vents her fury. God help anyone that pisses you both off at the same time.
She is respected by the others in your shared family for her wisdom and power. Certainly not because she demands it, but it’s just what she carries with her. Even if it is within your eyes only, it is still that power. That pull. That need.
She is a woman, not interested in pettiness. She is your queen, but not interested in groveling. Kings don’t grovel, and she deserves nothing less than a king. Your partner and other half. Similar in so many ways. Different in so many more.
It will be your job to make her so happy she chose you. And make no mistake – she chose you.
She loves you. And she loves being in love with you. She is as thankful to have you as you are to have her. You can’t understand why, how, or what are you have done to deserve her. But it is the greatest honor to make her never go a day regretting the day she chose you.
I really need one and I know I’m not alone. Forgive me. I need to be more. Please help me want to be. Grant me calm, please, and temperance… but most of all wisdom.
This music. These memories. So distant, yet so recent. This deep warmth of camaraderie. Loyalty. Faith. Truth.
Why keep trying? The real world isn’t like this. It doesn’t care about idealism the way it’s portrayed in movies about honorable knights like Galahad and Parsifal. Most were anything but anyway.
And you’re never going to be that way. You’ve failed too much. spent too much time charging windmills.
Well you’re past halfway done.
So… why give into nihilism now?
He has a plan. He knows you don’t like it. He knows you’re up to it. Even if you’re not ready for it.
You just need help. Bet there is some over there in that windmill…
I feel this. Maybe this represents your anger at me. Maybe it’s something you’re going through that you just don’t want to share. Maybe it’s all my imagination and things are great.
You have your reasons for being distant. Whatever they are, know that you are still in my thoughts and in my prayers. And there will not be a day that I don’t believe in you.
If you were angry with me, I’m sure there’s a good reason. And that you know I never mean to upset you.
It’s Not a Frame of Mind 