Category: Uncategorized

Professional

Time to break a rule. 🤔

It’s business. Never personal. No matter the field. Professionalism sets the tone. Issues are worked through. Situations are managed. Sure there’s tedious work. Boring. Intensive. You name it. But it’s work. It’s great when it’s lighthearted. Amazing when you love what you do. But at the end of the day, we have faith in ourselves to do the work we’ve trained for.

And all the other things we say when we feel burnt out.😕

There are so many opportunities out there, for all of us. It’s really daunting when you feel those walls boxing you in. But this is just the first step in a plan that will revolutionize our lives. Whatever that first step is… we are professionals… and that daunting feeling is why we need to channel that. 🙂

I’m scared too. Uncertainty in my world… I don’t know what to make of it. But I can handle things. I just need a plan, and to start in on it. Courage will form to push me past all the broken plans the year has destroyed, and Need will seal the deal.

Compartmentalize. Adapt. Channel thought. Plan.

I have faith in you. You got this. 👊😊

Hope

It’s not a problem for the long run. But in the short run… you need to ask Him for Hope. For your future. For those dearest to you. For your country.

This cycle must end. A new world awaits you… but that storm terrifies you. Everything you hold dear.

Trust Him.

He loves you.

He will show you the way.

Always.

Dinner Party

Night time at our home. Having a get together for some friends. Busy night planned, party with hors d’oeuvres, dinner being catered. She looks magnificent. Silver earrings. Black dress. Otherworldly smile. A bit shy tonight and I don’t understand why at first.  quietly looking over at me from the kitchen where she is speaking with wives of some of my friends; though I don’t know who. Her smile loving, As she lowers her brow. She wants me. Badly. She is smiling and nodding in the conversations, but her thoughts are filled with me. Wanting me. Every part of me. Mind. Body. Spirit. I’m free of fear. Pain. Anger. We both are.

The house is amazing. 2-3 stories. Marble floors. Not a mansion, but many rooms, two wings… plenty of space. Pleasing environment. Plants scattered here and there, but the sunroom is a garden unto itself. The living room is a ballroom tonight, and the catering has used the kitchen well and cleaned up spotlessly. Light colors for the walls. Stucco? Not beige… the non-boring kind of beige. Like a nice elegant house like one would picture in San Diego or Miami.

The guests have fun. Ambient music in background, reflecting calming music the real world had playing as I slept. The crowd enjoyed themselves, and eventually began to file out. As each slowly left, she got closer. Her smile got more narrow. Her eyes betrayed her desire until she deliberately projected it. I loved every second. She wanted me. She loved me. She needed me.

Yet then, just as the last of our friends left, we hear some voices from another living room, this one in the center of the house. Several elegantly dressed people. Older. Wealthy. Important people. Leaders in industry. Maybe a legislator. All with smiles, laughing, having a good time. The party was actually for them. And they came to visit us. Celebrate something we did. I think me, but “me” is “us”. I’m nothing without her, and vice versa.

We had invited our friends over to join us. Meet some of the important folks. Maybe do some networking, who knows. She has forgotten about the “important” guests, and I could see her glaring at them. She was thankful they were there. She liked them. She knew how important they were. How much they meant to us and our future. But her breathing had intensified. Eyes narrowed. She wanted them gone, now. She could barely contain herself. She wanted me. She backed away and moved into the background to “give me a hint” as if by now I didn’t feel the same.

But with it she had piqued my mischievous side. I smiled at her lovingly and approached the guests, and joined in the conversation. Pretending I didn’t know what she wanted. Making her wait. 😂

She fumed… not out of anger; but of hunger. For me. She knew what I was up to; she knew everything about me. She saw my mischievous smile and the sentence she would subject me to simply got longer.

She eventually retired for the evening; thanking everyone for coming. Her face was red and her eyes piercing. She spoke on the opposite side of the room so as to not lunge for me right then and there. Less than a minute passed before I smiled at the guests and told them to make themselves at home. I didn’t care anymore. Not with what awaited me. I stepped off into the hallway and went down into the opposite wing of the house into one of the guest rooms. Not our bedroom, because I know where she really went. Closed every door between the ballroom and her arms. Stepped into the furthest corner bedroom with the dim lights and closed the door.

Us. As if caps were pulled off of fire hoses. The most important people in the state… Forgotten about. I didn’t care. I couldn’t. And hell with anyone who could. She wanted me. She loved me. She needed me. That’s all that would ever matter. The music was with us now. The night was ours. The whole world was too.

It was wonderful.

Fixing it.

We need to talk. I needed you tonight and you were there. Thank you. With more words that I know, thank you. But something’s wrong. A coldness. Distance. Confusion on my end. Facing a lot of adversity (by my spoiled standards) has led me to have an undercurrent of frustration. Other factors chime in and instant sleep problems. And from there on, there goes the neighborhood.

I’m by your side. But on autopilot. That needs to be fixed. Foundation is solid, but the aim is Vibrance. And for me that means containing a few fires…

It’s my hope that navigating through the first hurdle in Classes will be a shot in the arm. Celt came back just in time to help me learn the basics of the system. Just getting one solid hit in the form of an accomplishment will do wonders.

The mold situation is what it is. I have a plan and am going to have to do lots of slow, frustrating work. And it’s hitting me in my insecurities royally because no man needs to rely on the folks at this age. And the more they do the more awkward I feel. This stuff does have to be done or it will spread. Otherwise I’d be fine with living with it until I could slowly get rid of it, Or whatever homeowners do who don’t have thousands of spare dollars around.

Watched rioters and mobs terrorize people just trying to live their lives and wishing someone would hit a packed crowd with molotovs. Thinking the kid that defended himself by shooting the two rioters trying to kill him would have just shrugged and got his money’s worth and painted the street red with his AR if he’s going to be jailed for self defense.

That’s not me, Lord. And it needs fixing.

The lack of confidence, proper sleep, disorganization, anger and insecurity are causing problems. Making me dwell on them and not You.

I don’t like this feeling. The universe is off, but there’s no way I can explain how. And it’s my responsibility to fix it. And there’s no reason why I can’t do it considering the 99% you’ve already done.

This stuff sneaks up on me. Has seemed to explode around Crow, but still we need you to help us fight it off.  We are all vulnerable and if I didn’t know better I’d bet those little bastards are using teamwork because we are. Always hitting us where we’re weak.

I need you, Lord. There are a million things I just don’t understand. And I probably never will. But I trust you. I don’t want to be cold anymore. I don’t like this. Thank you for being there tonight. Please keep holding her in your arms. Please help me shred my negativity. Just like mold I didn’t realize how bad it was until I had to fight it off. And frankly I need to give You credit for that too because my head was spinning thanks to sleep issues all week.

”I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.” Philippians 4:13

Stuff piled up. Please strengthen me. And please give her inspiration to ask you do the same for her. Her burdens are heavier than mine.

In Jesus’s Name,

Amen