Crow…

I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to hurt you. But now I have to acknowledge reality.

The only way sending pics of you like that hurts someone is if you know they truly love you.

And you use that love to hurt them.

It’s not just mean-spirited, but abusive. I was just upset. I didn’t deserve that.

Blocking you wasn’t an easy decision, but I decided last year if you ever did that again that’s what I’d have to do. I couldn’t even let myself think about it. There aren’t many more hurtful things you could do to me.

I need to regain respect for myself. I need to come to terms with the mistakes I’ve made and the best way to do that is to stop making them. With you, with Flame, wherever I know better.

Everything I said this morning I meant… but it was wrong. The timing was horrible, and that’s on me.  I handled it first with alcohol and then reacted out of anger. That was wrong.

Maybe we’re all going crazy with all that’s going on. I have no idea what even prompted me to get hammered and lash out. But what’s said was said.

I’m sorry I upset you. And so many things.

My caring isn’t helping; it’s hurting, so… it’s time. If it was just me being hurt, it would be different. It’s not. It doesn’t matter whose fault it is if I’m causing problems for you.

Please stay safe and take care of yourself sweetie. Words can’t describe how much I care about you.

I’m sorry that I gave you my word when I said I would always be there for you. That’s just not possible; at least right now. I’m no good to you if my feelings to you get negative, and that’s started to happen.

I would never even try to hurt someone I hated that way. No, not even him. I never imagined you would hurt me that way a second time.

Don’t ever think that I don’t miss you and wish with all my heart I’d handled the last two days differently.

Orson 🌷