Author: ZorroFonzarelli

Thanks

When I beg for mercy, Lord, you give it.

When I ask you to be there for my loved ones, Lord, you hold them.

When my foolishness leads me to ruin, Lord, you save me.

When I cry out, Lord, you hear me.

I am blessed beyond measure.

I pray you strike me dead if I ever take you for granted.

Thank you so much.

Thank you so much.

I can barely contain my tears; thank you so much……

Daylight

Short work week and off to Dragoncon… Odd that things come around at certain times. Two friends in serious need of just getting away for a crazy, fun time. It’ll be good for them. You really don’t have the money at the moment, but screw it, it’s worth some debt.

Hopefully will be good for you too; right now your head is spinning. Literally; nausea and sinus infections really love coming along at the wrong time. Stomach is aching and churning…

It is what it is though… You’re going to have a good time in a few days no matter what.

You wonder how The Celt and the Crown will get along in Atlanta for five days… 🤔

Crow is angry again. At herself again. Taking it out on you again. You make an easy target and she trusts that you’ll always be there.

Huge trouble is coming her way and deep down she likely knows it. For some reason she’s just up for self-destruction. You’ve realized it for a while, even before your last visit. She just won’t learn.

You have a lot of other things to focus on, but you still care. She’ll always be sacred to you… but… for the first time… you don’t feel Him pushing you back in as he’s done in the past – at least in the same way – and that’s what scares you the most.

Right now there’s no way she wants to confront the reality of just what you’ve done for her and how cruel she’s been to you in return. Good news is you seem to be at an insulated point right now. Well, here’s hoping… 🤣

So… Just Wait. She’ll need you in her life again, and she is one of your dearest “soul group” members. You don’t see her the way you have all this time for nothing, even at times like this… and you aren’t the one she’s fighting… 🤔

Haven’t seen mom and dad for a while. Will need to spend time with them weekend after next. Now that college football is back, Dad will want you to watch every game with him at their place. Maybe a home-and-home could work? Lolz

Really, really want to go camping soon for some reason too. The heat is finally seeming to subside a little today; maybe it keeps up.

Things are going well right now, even though they may not seem like it sometimes. Not exactly where you wanted them, but at least a solid “B” lolz

Be thankful. Always be thankful.

Day 15,482

Strange times approach. Your former coworker the Celt and her daughter are moving in. She needs help, and that’s what you’re here for, especially considering how much she has done for you.

You really like her but not in that way. Just not enough in common. Damaged in ways you’re not sure you need to even try to understand…

Though now this is the second one of your friends starting to do battle with her ex-husband for custody rights…

Life is strange.

Who would’ve thought that you would manage to find a way to not be in the mode for a relationship without having even had one?

You want to make peace with the Crow, but you understand the forces in play right now enough to know it might not be the best thing for the two of you to be as close for the time being.

She wanted to be upset at you. And she found a way. You’ve run into that before and know what it means.

You decided to give it a week, and what you suspected was true. You badly want her in your life; to hold a prominent place in your life.

But… you don’t need her in your life. Ironically this likely would give her some comfort. Regardless though, even finally reaching out to her… you’re not really expecting a response just yet.

She’ll reach out when she’s ready. And when she does it’s up to you to fold your feelings in for her benefit, no matter what they are. They bounced around for a while but ended up at frustration. And honestly that’s probably the best place given where you are and where she likely is.

There is an awful lot you could hold against her; which is likely what she realized… but to what end? You don’t have time for that. That’s darkness and negativity. At this point you have to pray for her… and then let it be what it is. You can do that.

So what now? With anything?

The Crown is back in your life, and if you can navigate things you might actually see what might happen there. You still have Labor Day weekend off… maybe inviting her to Dragoncon could end up being amazing.

There are no answers right now, only questions. You can’t make decisions in an environment like that. Nothing can be written in stone. The good news is you’re not a prisoner of anything or anyone.

Although one thing you have learned is that a key to avoid ennui is gregariousness. This weekend has been miserable. Your greatest fear has had an upper hand, but the song never got stuck in your head at least.

That damned song… whimsically embodying your greatest fear… in your deepest moments of pain from the Crow’s talons, you have never shed one tear; yet you can’t hear it without choking up.

Be gregarious. It’s getting harder as you get older. But there’s a reason for all things. And giving over to darkness and despair has no place in your future… no better how bad it might seem…

Don’t write anything in stone… 🙂