Still miss you.

Moving forward is rough sometimes. There’s so many things in transition. Things going well with Flame, but the road is long. Going slow. Trying to put God first.

Severing ties with some in your past was needed. Just basic respect for who you love now. There will always be prayer – until the day you die – but every Sunday is fine. No need for open channels. They don’t bring you much joy anymore, and don’t need to hurt you or her either anymore.

There’s no way to have said goodbye. You tried. It just sounded angry, and you’re not angry. Quite the opposite. But nothing could be said that hasn’t been said before. Just so miss the good times, and pray for her to find Home. It always meant so much to you. Always will.

Whatever the weirdness is going on with the main gig is wearing thin. Guaranteed work starting around late October was supposed to be the plan. Still waiting. Now you’ve had to crank the store back up. Annoying that money’s tight, but that’s what happens when everything dries up at once.

Gym workout schedule needs stability all the same too. It’s impossible to plan when everything is out on a limb.

Yet another period of time where stability evades you, but lots of amazing things are on the horizon.

Thinking about breaking down and just finding something here. And just like that, anger at that entire world starts flowing.

You just need more going on with the main gig. Keeping the store cranking short term. God willing, next year is gonna be a lot better, one way or another.

Just keep pushing through. Focus on God. Still not time for a rally. But it’s coming up… very soon.

Proverbs was wonderful. Hopefully Acts will keep the journey going.

There is only one Elvis.

But there is also only one version of this song.

Bizarre. Reunited with love, but still find a way to be alone on a Friday night. Fighting off something that wants to get you down. Again.

Tonight’s not going to be a good night for that.

Proverbs 30 with Flame via facetime when she wakes up. Rough week for her health-wise, but great results. So grateful. Would love to drive up, but have biz to work on this weekend here.

One more until the grand finale. Proverbs 31. Biblical description of what a good man needs in a good wife. And then afterwards, continuing to finish marathonning How I Met Your Mother. Into the final season now. Lots of emotions with that show, given your state back when you watched it the first time. How it almost seemed to speak to you, back before you realized that the Holy Spirit is Who you needed to listen to most.

Maybe one day you’ll do better at heeding His words. Bizarre that a single Friday night alone sends you back to PSB. Emotions tearing you in several directions at once. Remembering times not long ago. Being glad you aren’t there anymore, while still holding an ounce of romanticism for that time.

Every day, you become more grateful for other times in your life. More painful times. Times you needed to go through to be who you are today. Lessons you needed to learn.

You can feel yourself changing now. House being a mess ticks you off now. Same for days when you don’t accomplish much. Less happy-go-lucky, less head in the clouds, more like an actual 48 year old man with more of an eye for reality.

You want a Proverbs 31 woman. But that means you need to be known at the City Gates. You have a lot of growing to do to be ready to cross that finish line. So does she. But for once….. it just might be in sight – without the need for stars in your eyes.

Holy Spirit is working on you, if you let Him. When it’s time to smile and sing… that’s when you can smile and sing.

Now’s good. 🙂

Haven’t spent as much time with the Holy Spirit as you’ve needed to lately. You’ve been doing well. Can feel it. Source of your joy. Of anything positive in your life.

Side note:

You’re too old to be young. Accept it.

You’re missing a lot of days you actually weren’t happy during.

Stop it. Or deal with it. Or better yet, give it to God. Let Him deal with it.

It’s not good for you.

Celebrate what is.

You get to keep her a while longer.

Honestly, weren’t expecting that.

But goodness you are so grateful you get to keep her for a while longer. Whatever is inflaming those mammary glands isn’t getting worse. She requires medication twice a day, but it’s worth it. Every time there’s a medical issue with so many in your life you brace for impact. Could always be worse. One day it will be.

Lots of other changes going on right now. Lots of times in the doldrums. Being sick does not help. Not having much work doesn’t help either. Store algorithm doesn’t like you going to Texas. It takes a while to get it humming again. A lot of extra costs have eaten away at the savings. That’s what it’s for, but it’s still annoying. Kind of grouchy about everything but up to six weeks of work in Texas is around the corner so you just gotta hold on.

Flame is back home. Spent a lot of time with her and you miss her already. Watching to see how she handles things. Always observing. FaceTiming Bible studies now that she is back at her new place.

She got a chance to meet virtually all your friends and family and church and so far everyone is positive. Taking things slow and hoping it works out. 

Trying to understand women more by research, but it’s difficult because you want to steer clear of the Manosphere and all that stupidity. 

Glad autumn is back. It’s not cold outside or anything, but it’s perfect just like spring, only God paints with different colors.

These are definitely the doldrums. Things will pick up soon. A few other small jobs are on the horizon that can fund the stores resurgence if it takes more than a week or two to get started on Texas.

So much to be grateful for. Especially not being used to the doldrums anymore. 😂

So young…

Even the comments agree…

You’re happy. Finally over being sick for a week. Spending a lot of time with the woman you love. Things are going well.

Spent time with your aunt and cousins in the hospital tonight as your uncle took his last breaths.

He’d suffered for years. They knew this was the time. You and she were there for them. Mom & Dad were there earlier and will be tomorrow.

It almost feels selfish. Going back to normal knowing others won’t tonight.

You get along really well with them, but you weren’t incredibly close.

My goodness, your thoughts are on age so much these days. It’s not just ‘not the 90s anymore”… it’s not even close.

Can’t even get Dad to go to a Clemson game. Probably for the best since they’re losing a lot more now.

You are reading Proverbs with her.

It’s after 1 AM but now is a good time for Proverbs 13.

It’s in these moments that you wonder why you hurt. Ted has a little while longer. And one day, you’re all gonna meet up at Home.

It’s just the flaws of being human. We feel lost so deeply. We feel each other’s pain. One day you will be inconsolable and someone else will get to feel a little selfish like you feel now.

Selfish isn’t really the right word, but you don’t feel like thinking too much.

By tomorrow, you’re going to be happy again. You’re happy now you just need to get this out of your system. Lots of things lingering on your mind.

But thank God being away from the Source of Divine Joy ain’t one of them.🙏

Always funny when this earworm pops up. 😂