Waterfront park downtown. Amazing place that’s boring to visit alone.

Things just don’t feel nearly what used to. There’s so many things you don’t understand. So many things. You have your limits, but short of them you can accept things for how they are in order to get through the day-to-day.

Things with Him are mending…well seem to be. You miss going to church. Not enough to go while it’s at a high school yet. Hopefully that construction finishes soon. In the meantime, you really need to reconcile your shallowness on the matter.

You wonder what’s going on in her world. She’s being so distant, but you trust that she has her reasons for pushing you back. That trust is very difficult considering everything you’ve been through, but if you are True, you’ll manage. You are worried about her, but not over what she’d think. You miss her. But even you can read the tea leaves right now.

You felt guilty even going on a date Saturday, but you were doing what she said to – and wanted her to know. Deep down you think you knew nothing would come of it. You don’t run into the sheer volume of Walls you do without recognizing you’re being…guided.

Work is better. A little bit at least. Not much else to say just yet. Promotion was good and now it’s time to deliver.

Folks are being the folks. You’re avoiding them, though you don’t know why. Fixing that needs to be a priority. Screw insecurity they won’t be here forever.

If there’s one thing you would ask for right now it’s…meaning.

For now just enjoy the warmth; what warmth there is. And be thankful.

Always be thankful.

Miss springtime. Autumn is nice also, but just not the same. Beginning to get stir crazy…want a weekend nature jaunt and it keeps storming. Haven’t been camping in forever, even when you did hike Table Rock.

Lots of stuff on the horizon. Things seem to be generally trending upwards, but you routinely get knocked off your optimism perch for a few hours.

He’s being Him alright.

You’re not certain if it is some sort of cosmic sense of balance that He places upon the universe, or if Ego is like grass and just needs to be cut sometimes.

Friday’s come at a good time this week. 🤔 It’s been a bad one for a few people you care about, but you really don’t have much to complain about yourself.

It will be good to close your eyes for a while.

Mom’s going crazy wanting to have your house’s interiors painted. You wish you…cared. Though if you did, you’d feel guilty probably. She loves interior decorating though, so hey…

… let’s just go brighter and have a coastal theme or something. 🤔

Least you got that sad song out of your head. Saddest asong on earth far as you’re concerned. Naturally it coincided with her biggest fear looking possible, though you didn’t realize it until just now.

……….

Looking back now… Amazing how things can happen so fast since just Friday afternoon….

Yeah, there’s something wrong if you start feeling this way. This ain’t you, and it’s not supposed to be. Things seem dulled, not vibrant. You are somewhat…overloaded? Yeah… by the recent standards you’re trying to change. So…good thing, right?

Vibrant… such a relatively new term you’ve started using to describe so many things you see that appeal to you. “Energetic.” “Dynamic.” Regular old ‘Bright.’

None of them have the degree that “Vibrant” does. A person can be happy, but Vibrant means something even more…

What’s “Vibrant?”

Your Soul is.

Your City is.

Your Dreams are.

Your Life (default) is.

So what’s wrong? What isn’t Vibrant right now?

Your spiritual life isn’t.

Your work life isn’t.

Your love life isn’t.

Your health isn’t.

Ouch. That’s pretty much all the things that matter in the here and now. 😳

You’ve regressed on your weight. Good news is that you feel horrible. It bothers you to be at a place better than you were two years ago. You walked for two hours last night, put 6.4 miles into it, and feel fine today. So, put that into the “in progress” category. 🤔

You can’t do anything about love life right now. Just overloaded. More than anyone needs to know. Frankly you wish you weren’t as smart sometimes.

You can throw down more at work. Have a good opportunity or two coming down the pipe… if you can just embrace the change of losing the Celt – but she was your guide and erstwhile mentor. You miss her a lot more than you realize, even though you text every other day or so.

Spiritual life is… better… but still too cold. Probably need to untie internal knots before going out on any limbs soon. You’re still in wonderful shape by some folks’ standards, but not yours. This will be good to work on. 🤔

You do want the world to just be quiet for a bit. But maybe the reason why isn’t because you’re tired. Maybe it’s because there are things you really just need to work on.

Sigh…storms this weekend at both Table Rock and Caesar’s Head… again.

This phase is taking way too long. Find what you need to find and get past it.

And get that damn song out of your head.

Something bad’s coming. But something better’s on the way too…

Cautious Optimism seems to be the order of the day.

Have a lot of stuff to work on….

Work… personal… health… home… spiritual…

Good thing seems to be that hitting any one slowly improves the rest. 🤔

Good ol’ Ventures have never let you down… 😊😊😊

Hibernation Weekend seems like it might have helped – once everything was said and done…

Stay tuned! 🙏🌷👍

It can’t be said enough…

Never forget how much He listens. How much He loves. How much He cares.

Calm skies. Don’t ever take them for granted…

You really don’t know. You’re trying your best to ignore your feelings, but you can’t. Any success on your part comes from what you truly want for her and her request to find it.

She can see right through you, so there’s no reason to act otherwise, other than to keep up appearances so you don’t get in the way.

Maddening, isn’t it? Lol maddening in a different way though… maddening in a way you can actually handle because no matter what this is good for her. Finally what is good for her.

So what about you? So much going on around you. Swirling vortexes of many different folks are surrounding you, and each day at work you are almost on an island, alone and able to focus…. only this tiring problem rearing its ugly head out of nowhere robs you of it.

What the Crow learns in the west rhymes with you sleeping on a bed for a week, and the two voices become one – His. Was wondering when He was going to show up, lolz…

Damn that uncomfortable thing. If the mask isn’t on just ride it sprays air straight into your wounded eye, drying it out even more than staring at a screen for 20 hours.

But He wants you to wear it. And He is showing you her concern for you to do it. Yeah, that’s almost a cheap shot, lolz…

Part of acting your age is acknowledging that you’re statistically over halfway to the grave – if you’re lucky of course. Nice to know that people care enough about you to want you to max out what time you have left.

It wasn’t supposed to be this way was it? You were supposed to be a heck of a lot more. A lot more meaningful. A lot more respectable and well known. At least have a better career, and more money.

Maybe the reason you never did is because you have nothing to fight for. By yourself you’ll be fine. Not great but fine. Likely dying in a nursing home alone in about 35 to 40 years.

Memories of various pets adopted here and there. A sense of loss, but at the very least not a sense of unhappiness. It would be stumbling into the next world as safely as possible.

No wonder you’re attracted to dangerous women… 🤣 You can afford to be – so long as you remember where you came from and hold true to rule number three.

Fascinating how so many things happen at once. It was merely three weeks ago you were with her…and it seems like ages.

You are in tonight. The honest reason is that you are very tired and don’t want to go out. Which is a shame because you honestly have many options tonight. Oh sure you’d love to talk to her tonight… but… you know she needs a break from you.

Maybe that’s what the source of being down is…

… but then she asks you for some funny pictures of your teeth… and you remember that she does really care about you. Even if it isn’t meant to be, she does truly care about you.

And that makes literally everything better. So no…nevermind. There’s no question after all.

It’s Day. 🙂

You just don’t know what time. And right now you don’t care.

God bless that woman, and keep her safe.

May God grant you clarity in the other paths that you travel.

The Crow was right about your former coworker the Celt. She was put in your life for a reason also. And though romantically there’s not much there… you’ve gotten to know her a bit better. Been shown some of her pain. And wow it’s… in many ways worse than any other you’ve ever seen.

There’s something about her that holds a key to brighter future for one of you, and that is a reason to be grateful.

She knows about the Crow and your feelings, which is one reason she is probably more trusting of your intentions then she would otherwise be.

The Crown is reaching out, yet being distant. You don’t know what to do with that.

Friends need you. Coworkers need you. And yet you’re alone in so many ways.

So what’s next?

Well… anytime you ask, you know what the answer is. And you’ve been keeping Him waiting for a while now.

One hell of a broken promise to explain, that you didn’t see coming.

And the fact that you have difficulty regretting it… leads you to even more worry.

What will the consequences be? You can’t punish yourself to get out of them, that’s one lesson you sure as hell have learned.

You know what you fear the most, and how you would interpret that. And you really hate yourself for it because there’s no way you could put that on her.

So you can’t do it. What you gave her was meant for your wife. And that’s why it felt right. But it was your decision. And you would never hold that against her. It was the world to you but you can never risk even an appearance of machinations. Just the thought of that sickens you. Thank God you’re better than that. If she’s right… you used to not be.

You really don’t even know how to process it. Still. All you know is that you will never be happy unless He is on your side.

Oh fun…a paradox. Well… make it easy on yourself. Be honest with yourself. And Him. And her – if she asks. Otherwise don’t burden her.

Well then… seems like it’s late afternoon after all… 🤔

It’s alright… take solace in the fact that things are moving… and you actually have finally started to learn from her…🌷🙏 🕊

You are truly blessed… never cease giving thanks… and never cease sharing those blessings with those dear to you…🙏

When you’re doing something and you really ought to know better, it is amazing how fast life can react… 🤔

A toast to the Unknown… into which you now sail bringing your hopes and fears… Alone…

Sharpen your tools. Drill the crews.

Battle awaits. Today, you call it ‘crunch time’…

You’re not ready.

It’s fine.

You never are in the beginning.

You’re worried about things far greater. Just a feeling right now. But a lingering one. He feels so distant… and you don’t know why.

You’re doing something wrong.

…and shut up. Yeah, you detect something. Good for you. She’s only screaming it as loud as she can without saying anything. Wow, you’re a veritable mind reader, lolz.

Look – The truth is that you really do mean what you’ve said to her. You want her to find herself. Work on herself without some guy causing problems for her. “Be single and find wisdom.” And yeah, you were right.

Well here it is, so shut the eff up. Be her friend, because by your own admission… anything else is what you want her to avoid…

Yeah, yeah your heart, blah blah. Truth of the matter is if you are to ever have something with her, you want it to be for The Duration – not just ‘another guy’. The only way that can ever happen is if she goes through this growth that she needs.

Selfish jackass. Yeah you want to have it on your terms because you trust yourself, know you care for her, and know the goodness that fills your soul and bursts out of your smile.

Yeah you’ve just got God’s love just bursting out of your eyes, smile, and asshole. Good for you! 😇

Well guess what, genius… the girl don’t work the way you work, and despite naïve dreams, this is just not going to work with you showing her your world and her magically inspired to share your path.

I mean she’s doing what you want her to do – be single. So just shut up. Yeah, yeah, after two weeks ago? What you shared??? (clumsy as it was on your part after so long)… Your heart was going to spin.

Aaaand…okay. It’s good and spun, and even Ray Charles can read the tea leaves right now. So stop thinking about your damn self.

Be there for her the way she needs you to be. She knows how you feel. You can tell she still enjoys your company. She’s not upset at you, so stop being paranoid and keep it that way.

What she doesn’t need… is romantic bullshit. Yours or anyone else’s.

You told her your biggest fear was losing her. And that’s true. But probably not in the way she thinks.

You love who she is. And you’re really terrified she’s going to change. Outgrow you in some way. I mean this is “going into the hardwiring” stuff…

The ultimate paradox, lolz… The one thing you know deep down she needs most – to grow and find herself – scares you the most.

Well guess what… Time to find out if you’re full of shit or not.

Your feelings for her supposedly transcend simple romantic love. You see her as family. What she calls a soul group. Her happiness is more important to you than your own.

So be there for her; what she needs. At the very least don’t be what doesn’t freaking help, lolz 😂

Yeah you want to be with her, but you know that if she somehow chose to be with you without choosing to be single for a while…. it’d be doomed.

And maybe she’ll grow in a different direction and you won’t have a chance anyway. So suck it up.

You’ve already told her how annoying it is to hear her say “I have to do things my way”…

…But this time she is absolutely right and screw you if you can’t see it.

Be family for her. Not some whiny guy that even in passing could remind her of the one she just left.

You say you want her to have a good man. So prove it.

She won’t forget your feelings. Stop reminding her. She needs you in a different way now. Maybe forever. But at least for now.

Have faith in her. In the good woman you know her to be. That’s what she needs right now. Not your baggage.

Stand with her.

Trust her.

And most of all… Don’t let her down. 🙂

Learn from your own words that you left for her. You meant them for her no matter what you would ever be to her, even if nothing at all.

Now man your post.

Dismissed.