It’s more appealing than the alternative. Well, you made it to 46. Amazing vision your entire life. You could see individual leaves on trees from hundreds of feet away when you were younger. Not sure when the last vision test was, but it just for fun sometime around 15 years ago. 20/13 vision. Despite the damage to the tear ducts from that old accident from when you got your face ripped off, dry eye when you left a movie theater wasn’t too bad.

Not sure when things started not looking as crisp. Just remember when you started to notice. Deployment and you were marking machines. The tiny numbers 34 and 41 looked alike. Seriously tiny numbers. Like no one would have an easy time trying to discern them. But for once you certainly didn’t either.

Avoided worrying about it as best you could. But you needed to see if there was something wrong. And so you went into the eye doctor for the first time since all those trips to check out the damage that had to heal back in the late 80s.

You took the vision test and the doc diagnosed you with a case of A.G.E. It’s a good thing that you enjoyed having amazing vision because now, it’s plain old “good” 20/20 vision.

Could always be worse. In a different world, He didn’t make you blink in that split second and you don’t have a right eye. Well, either Him or ‘wow what a coincidence…’ 😂

Whatever. Plenty of eyedrops because the tear gland is actually getting worse. And three pairs of reading glasses, with blue light filters… magnification 1x.

It sucks how useful they are.

Maybe it will make dating easier.

One fun story. What’s not to love about a guy taking a road trip in America before there were even modern roads… with his friend a mechanic and Bud the dog… 😂

Had a cool name too.

Just love it… 😂

Being out here is invigorating. Outside of that one day at 17 you helped finish construction work at the first place you worked, these deployments are the easily the hardest you have ever worked.

There have always been days here and there, but this is just… what you do – every day. And you’re doing it nearly 30 years later, and holding your own with some tough guys.

Heading home a week early for rotation. More gigs coming so rapidly mean new guys need training and there’s only so many spots open before the chaos.

What’s interesting is that you really prefer one week deployments, but you’re kind of bummed. You were mentally ready to push forward next week.

That insecure part of you is worried you’re not doing a good enough job because you’re not as fast as everyone else and the lower back and arm pain is evident… but that’s just because of issues that you’ve already gotten past.

You know better. You handled Pennsylvania and that was a lot heavier. Plus, you enjoy being reliable. Wow that last job really messed you up. Just a terrible environment. Could always be worse though.

Lol fell asleep. Brain dead in the plane.

And back home now. Any worries were unfounded. Another opportunity soon. Wasn’t what you were expecting to do with your life, but it’s certainly a good way to spend 2023. Between this and the bookstore it’s the best money you’ve ever made. Meeting interesting – very interesting – people.

Need to make God more part of it. Then again, this is always going to be the case. Not because you’re gonna keep failing; it’s just never a bad idea. He’s the one leading you where you’re going right now. Just like He led you to work here and to this path of entrepreneurship.

Bible study had been on hold for a little bit because the hosts had another kid. 😂 that doesn’t mean you can’t figure something out though. Maybe start with a crotchety old man of Ecclesiastes and they ‘bring you down to earth’ attitude that it’s just not a bad idea you keep in mind.

You definitely overcorrected too far from the arrogant phase after college. And in all honesty, yeah, it’s better to err on the side of humility.

But introspection is the key to so many things in life. All of us are broken and flawed. Maybe the solution isn’t “enter a new phase” as much as it’s “eternal vigilance”.

Wow.

Since you do this voice to text, you actually heard that out loud. And in all honesty, that means you’re doing a lot better than you thought you might be. You’re not necessarily looking for a new phase, where you could be more prosperous. You’re in one.

And, if that’s the case, you have one more blessing to be grateful for.

Texas was nice. The western part, where you could get a new level of understanding of what the dust bowl must’ve been like.

New gigs are opening up. Another in Texas. One maybe even here in South Carolina. You’re getting stronger and healthier, so you’re able to handle these gigs better. They aren’t a long-term career path. But that’s not what this path is.

Where will it go next?

We’ll have to see. Until then, let’s get those books in and out, and just see how far you can go. 👊😊

The three books of wisdom. Proverbs. Ecclesiastes. Job. Interesting that they are where they are as collections, maybe even parables. More than one scholar as hypothesized that Job was a story and not a real person. Considering the book begins with a wager between God and Satan, there might just be some truth to that; it’s not like they likely have a big audience of those.

Been feeling a little bit more tugging lately. Which means it’s probably been going on for a while and you’re finally starting to notice.

You do enjoy the book of Proverbs. Relatively easy to grasp, most of the with a direct point. Live your life this way and you will be better off. Make good decisions. Work hard. And things will generally work out.

Heard recently that the three books of wisdom could be thought of as three friends at a metaphorical bar.

The third book, Job, needs no introduction. An old, grizzled man who’s seen it all and gone through it all. Highs to the lows. And in his age and experiences come a measured understanding.

Proverbs is an idealistic, wise, young woman. Brilliant and grounded. Seeing order in the universe that must yield from a Design. The thought was so close. Almost like a machine. Like these are the basic processes of existence, all operating according to established principles that just makes sense to us – and even when they are complex, we can follow them by reducing them to basic concepts that we can understand.

Proverbs as machinery. Oh, that’s a rabbit hole you’re going to have to go into later. Just seems like fun.

Almost like the motherboard Dream from a few years back.

And that leaves Ecclesiastes. A middle-aged curmudgeon of a man who just seems to get lots of pleasure by contrasting himself with Lady Proverbs. Voicing the chaos to her order.

“Oh, work hard and everything’s just gonna happen for you?” he says, with a smile as he shows you a picture that will crush that thought like a plastic cup.

Life isn’t fair. What does it matter when death is right around the metaphorical corner for all of us? How is it right when someone saves up for years for something and then lose it all to mere chance.

What does idealistic Proverbs have to say about that? When all those orderly principles you were taught to believe it get stood on their head and you wonder if God isn’t just a kid looking at you like an ant as He holds a magnifying glass.

A book about popping balloons. Teaching a lot of wisdom on the other side that you don’t usually mess with being an optimist…

Yeah, maybe that one would be a good one to be up next. A a lot of things in life seem to be nudging you that direction. Like maybe you need another perspective. There’s a lot to like in Proverbs, but it is not meant to be read alone.🤔

A lot of the time, the good comes with the bad. Well, almost all the time, because tradeoffs are how the universe works.

Your body is getting stronger, that first week of Texas was rough, but not nearly as grueling as Pennsylvania. Things are going great, and they already need you back for two more weeks starting Monday.

The store is off and on, but a lot more on lately, so money’s gonna be great this month. Tomorrow is the folks’ 49th wedding anniversary. Lot of hits. A few misses. Massive problems sleeping lately. Like more so than usual.

Once amazing 20/13 vision is now blurry up close. Your vision is now a dismal 20/20. Doc suggested you become the proud new owner of magnification one reading glasses since the damaged right tear duct seem to magnify the problem… no pun intended. Got some to filter out some blue light. Absolutely hating how useful they seem to be.😒

You had barely unpacked; turns out that’s a good thing. You also almost died. Nearly choked on a morsel of food, and when you live alone, that’s a recipe for death right there.

So… let’s get it started. Would prefer to hear about all the raining on all the parades before you do kick the bucket. Your optimism is commendable, but it’s gonna get week if it isn’t challenged.

It’ll be fine. Take the time to get to know this curmudgeon killer of buzzes. It’ll be good.

Now try to get some sleep. Mask just hasn’t cooperated lately. One thing at a time though.

So long as you were within these walls, you have only one true function in life…. feeding Ted.😂

I have no idea why I am missing you so much more lately, buddy. Barely remember dreams in general, so when you’re in at least two in a few days, I guess I’m missing you deep down even more.

Your sister is doing well. She misses me when I go on deployments for work.

Just got back from one. Wish you were here to welcome me home.

Maybe you are… just somewhere else.

Miss you, BroCat. Glad you can still watch over me.

It took 22 years, but you ended it. Really not in the way you thought you would, or even wanted to… but that tradition finally got put to pasture.

Looking back, it was getting to be an occasion for self indulgence, celebrating an accomplishment that seems more and more pedestrian as the years continue – not because it was… just… that as you grow older you realize that some things just don’t need to hold the same level of reverence.

Seemed like the same conversation with Him every year towards the end, until last year, when you realized you finally didn’t need it anymore. Last year, the Cistern was for once filled with CofC’s Alumni event. Traditional night would change, no matter once. And that’s when you felt Him smiling that “finally, you get it” smile.

What were you celebrating all those years? The happiest day of your life, that finally had changed? Apparently so. Sure, you couldn’t have done it without Him, but… that was a given. Just a given.

By now, you would have had decades to recover had that night not happened, and yet… you were celebrating what you did. Not what was done for you.

Ironic that last year’s May 14 was a tradition changed due to the happiness that had led to that day now finally becoming the second happiest day in your life, but unbeknownst to you, you’d spend it in the company of a thousand or so of your fellow alums who you were finally joining in moving on.

The first time since that day that May 14 falls on a Mother’s Day Sunday means now the beginning of newness.

The mundanity of spending it in rural West Texas working to build this chaotic new career with no connection to your beloved Cistern just oddly feels exactly the way it ought to be.

Cigar and convo with God are still on the menu – because you finally realized the most important thing that happened all those years ago wasn’t the day you “won”.

It was the night He showed you the kind of faith you’ve taken for granted. You’d remembered that night too, November 18, but it was an afterthought.

The date doesn’t matter. Only the gift does. His gift. The Cistern will always be sacred. But it’s not what matters.

Who you were in those days… was different. You didn’t have the Joy in your heart you do now. The vibrance. You were quieter. Lost a lot of the confidence you set out into the world with when you left home for the first time.

You believed in Him because you were raised to, and that faith was strong for what it was… but in the days since that night, what you had in your heart you had because you knew it was true; not because you were told.

Since then, you’ve learned of many that have testimonial experiences. Stands to reason. Suffice to say, now you have a Joy in your heart that just isn’t going to go away.

That’s the gift. Not what it anllo you to do. And it’s in your heart. Not your beloved Cistern.

Ne grateful to everyone who has been a part of your journey here. Especially on Mother’s Day.

And no, never forget how amazing the Cistern was. It was the second happiest time of your life.

In time, here’s hoping it’ll one day be the third. You never thought it would be the second. 😂

Either way, cigar tonight is in a hotel chair outside in northern Texas, ready for brutally physical work that transforms into a massive sense of accomplishment.

Thank God for this opportunity and every other blessing.

Long day tomorrow.🙂

Well, it actually begin a while ago. But wow if this isn’t the best season. Mid-seventies and deep blue sky.

Crazy how things are working. So much uncertainty in how ends will meet followed by realizing that store money is on the way and then another week or two in Texas is on the horizon. Ought to be easier than Pennsylvania, which, definitely what is the hardest any of the vets had ever worked, and you *can* handle it. So you’re OK there.

Enjoying the outside needs to be something you do more. Things are slowly picking up in the social life. Looks like many are coming out of their shells for spring time, and it will go for months. Endless Summers.

Spring and summer just feel so energetic. Makes you want to get out and do things. Try new things. Meet new people. Feel the wind and waves.

You have a decent amount of time and can set your hours as you see fit. Which means finding more gigs and branching out into more things.

Probably won’t always be this way, especially the way things are going in the economy, but now is a good time to enjoy yourself and the freedom that you have. Try to build up some capital and build something bigger. Hopefully you’ll have some more input soon. 🤔

Be grateful for all your blessings. Never forget you have nothing that God has not given you, that you have not accomplished anything without Him helping you, and even if He took away everything you have tomorrow, what is a few decades of mundanity compared to literal Endless Summers in Heaven?

So get closer to Jesus. Advice that is literally never a bad idea. Home is not in this world, so quit focusing so much on the latter.

Even when things are going well, it’s never a bad time to work on bettering yourself. 🤔

The 80s were such an amazing place.

There is nothing wrong with being normal. Such an odd sentiment, lol. The worlds is full of people desperate to be different. Fill their lives with drama. Maybe they’re just not happy with themselves.

So many people acting like there is this “lived experience” others are obligated to kowtow to. Sure you don’t understand what it’s like to have lived someone else’s life. That doesn’t make them better than you or their problems mean more, or vice versa.

What is it with people today? So many claim to be unhappy with who they are. Born in the wrong body. You don’t know what my childhood was like. I’m of this kind of person and you just have to respect that – or you’re just a terrible horrible person, and bigoted against people who are desperate to feel like they are different than you.

One of a million things to make them all feel special and unique. To what end? Pretty much… dopamine. 🤔

Anger is a big releasor, as is sanctimony. People trying to fill holes in their lives with a sense of unearned superiority.

As annoying as tendinitis is, it’s a lot better to have problems like it.😂

Makes you think about a war vet wheeling around because they are missing a leg or two.

Someone fighting cancer as they make sure they can make their kids’ Little League game.

A grandparent who doesn’t even have a clue how self-centered the “I’m different!” crowd is as they buy their grandkids birthday presents not being worried about them prattling on about being non-binary because they’re just kids being kids.

It’s almost as if traditional values survived to become traditional values because…they actually work in the long run.

Sure, you are unique. Just like everyone else is. And you’re fine with that. There’s literally no one on this planet, who is exactly like you. Never has been, or will be.

What does that mean? Nothing. Except it’s fascinating how that isn’t enough for so many of the drama queens out there.

What’s so much more important is the feeling of being special… *to someone*.

Too old for bed weed, man. Sift through the drama queens; you’re in your mid 40s. And at a certain point, all that seems to run together.

As always, get closer to God. There’s really not much else you need.

Lots of prayers for people in your life right now who have health problems. Try to be strong for them. Prayers of the devout carry more weight. So there’s no reason not to try to be more so. All you can do.

Physically and spiritually – eat your vegetables. Try to get better sleep. Be grateful for all of your blessings.

And stop forgetting to do your exercises. The arm isn’t going to fix itself and two weeks in Texas loom on the horizon.

Good problems are the best problems.😂