Another week. Same gig. They can’t get enough of us. We can’t get enough swag.😊

Won’t always be good times. But will always have His Joy in your heart.

Always be grateful. 🙏

I pray that one day, she sees herself as I saw her.

with no place for anger anymore.

help her find Home, and to be well along the journey.

if for some reason she holds nothing for me but anger, may she forget me, because I’m in the way.

if not, may her memories be warm, as I want mine of her to be.

and may that be that.

You wanted this to be her. You just wanted to give her everything you had, were, and would ever be.

The ocean meeting the sand, her sandled toes in the middle. Wind of Folly in the air. Holy City springtime with just enough of a cold breeze to remind her of home. Where there is warmth, and life. Love, kindness, and happiness.

And it all ended a year ago tonight. If nothing else, it certainly made St Patty’s the next day “retro”. At least now you can stop with the “a year ago” stuff; it’s less raw.

And as more time passes, it gets easier. Much easier.

You gave her everything you possibly could. It’s not like you weren’t kind enough, or didn’t do enough.

At the end of the day you were a chance, and wanted to share with her everything that you had, but she never did. All she had to do was grow and leave the Jerry Springer drama behind.

Manufactured anger never made sense to you. Yelling because you ‘want to win’ with someone you love means you don’t even realize you have won because you are loved to begin with.

How insecure does a person have to be to feel better about themselves by fighting over nonsense with those they supposedly care about?

At the end of the day, that’s the life she apparently wanted. You showed her life of warmth, kindness, cooperation, and happiness; and went out of your way to have her around the folks as much as you could so she could see what you wanted for her when your own words failed.

You’re not putting up with a Jerry Springer life. You grew up in a happy and healthy environment, and aren’t particularly interested in anything about having pain and anger simply for the sake of having pain and anger.

Is that from naïveté? Growing up spoiled? No. It’s a choice. And you choose not to have dysfunction for the sake of dysfunction. That’s high school drama and has been pathetic for decades now.

You have no idea how much of what she said about the other guy was even true. What she said about you to others. You realized she used each of you to hurt the other, and when you did, that was the end of a lot of anger.

You wish her well now, and even the folks say they still pray for her. They always liked her because there was so much to like. They were never worried about you being with her because they know how good she was deep down – they saw it – and they knew you knew what you were getting into.

It’s Jesus or bust if we ever want to be truly happy; anyone trying things their way is doomed to failure while shouting at the universe like it’s its fault – when we are the ones that always try to make the rules.

You tried that once or twice – doing things your own way. Never worked. Because it doesn’t work. And the more arrogant we are about it, the harder it eventually hurts when the inevitable crash hits.

You pray for her constantly as well; hoping she finds her way Home.

You still know you were meant to be together. But that requires each of you choosing it, and choosing to grow together. Love. Work. Time. Patience. Her priorities were different.

And that’s pretty much that.

A year since you heard her voice. And an awful lot has happened in that year. Most of it good in retrospect. Tough times you needed to go through. Out of left field amazing times you weren’t really expecting. Opportunities to repeat mistakes you chose not to avail yourself to. New mistakes made along the way as always. Pain of losing Bellerophon. Tacit understanding that God was telling you you were ready to move on from where you’ve been the last decade… and that you’ll see him again one day and find out what he really was.

You have no idea where the future is going in your life; but you know backwards is not the way to look. Leave the demons of the past in that past. Grow.

Keep it bookmarked at Psalms 46 if you need fortitude at anything coming down the pipe. Try to stay open to God’s light and never give in to cynicism. A strong man never begs for love, and a wise man knows mistakes aren’t worth repeating.

Feel the warmth of the life you have, enjoy the sands. The water. The breeze. The sky. Everything you have. Your family. Everything you are. The Love of God, what you treasure the most. The Peace that brings to you, and the love you seek to share. Breathe. And be ever grateful for the life you have.

Things could always be worse… and you’re going to be alright if you choose to be.🙂

We ruin Poetry. Uniqueness. Creativity.

How? We standardize excellence. It’s insidious. It really is. There seems to be an obsession with standardization. Uniformity. Categories. Boxes. To the point where… it’s refreshing to see exceptions to the rule, if not just to spite the simplicity so many Americans have for hating dangling threads; wrinkles that make life more interesting.

From 1895 to 1940, a total of 71 American battleships were authorized and named – all named for States (obviously with some names reused, lol). From USS Indiana BB-1 to USS Louisiana BB-71, everything nice…neat…industrialized…bankrupt of creativity.

For once (ever), thank Congress though, in 1896 – for requiring BB-3 to be named USS Kearsarge, in honor of an 1861 sloop of war, that was named for a mountain in Vermont or something.

Why? Because screw you that’s why. You’re telling me the Brits get to have amazing names for fearsome shops like Iron Duke, Orion, and freaking WARSPITE, while we’re wallowing in noncreativity naming fearsome ships after Rhode freaking Island? Screw it… ANY state so pathetically cowardly to stay in lying rat bastard “honest Abe*’s” sacred union?

Yankees. Pathetic. At least they have their moments. A spark of creativity did ignite in a congressman’s brain in naming Kearsarge (the sloop that sank the CSS Alabama, proving that even when they do have two brain cells to rub together it still has to have something to do with their self-flagellation of trashing their own constitution just to stop their cousins from leaving the apparent roach motel they called a free country in such a way to lie to African-Americans and pretend they weren’t neck-deep in benefiting off slavery themselves just so they can play the “aren’t you grateful?” game with them after obliterating, raping, and pillaging those same erstwhile cousins’ lands to keep them down for a hundred years to come?)

What were you saying? Oh, right.

Now do cruisers. Cities. Heavy Cruisers? Big cities. Light cruisers? You’ll never guess. Behold the fearsome USS Savannah. Kill our enemies with laughter. But thanks for saving us, exception to the rule USS Vincennes CL-64.

Where is Neptune? Tiger? Vanguard? I get why there was never a USS WARSPITE; even after she retired, they wouldn’t be able to cut her up for scrap; they barely were able to cut up the British one.

(God bless autocorrect for once only for all-caps-ing WARSPITE 😂)

Battleships. States.

Cruisers. Cities.

Carriers. Battles (at least this gives some cool names. Someone must have hurt themselves.)

Battlecruisers? Creativity? Nope. Territories. I swear. Meh. The French weren’t much better, but c’mon. The Sea is a vast, mysterious mistress, demanding respect, and you give her tripe like the “uss peoria”? (doesn’t deserve any capital letters).

“Amateurs study tactics, professionals study logistics.” – basically how the US won all its wars after 1814: by superior technology and organization defeating spirit, heart, and individual skill.

Alexander the Great brought to his knees by a metaphorical Walmart 12 pack of tube socks.

College Football. One conference playing 8 conference games while most others play 9? What’s wrong with you? What do you think you are? Unique? With rivalries dating back well over a century you don’t want to lose? What’s geography? Southern Cal playing Stanford since the daggum Hayes Administration and you’re cashing that in to play conference games against Maryland? What the…?

Oh. Right. The Big Ten was at only at 14 teams and the SEC went to 16. And 16 is easily divisible by four. To hell with uniqueness. Everything must be ubiquitous. Standardized. Like the NFL. Boring, sterile, and pointless. But what matters is the number 32.

Good luck being a wrinkle that makes things just a little different, Notre Dame, trying to enjoy being independent in a sea of conferences. Everyone that matters will be in homogeneity of assembly-line conferences, traditions be damned.

Have an idea for a fun, niche mom-and-pop store selling different kinds of decorative accessories? Too bad, because brain-dead losers will waddle around and leave, saying “I can get one like that at Waal-Maht cheapah ”.

Well go get one. Made in China and not Virginia Metalcrafters, ya freaking Philistine. Made by literal slaves, but don’t let that stop you from sucking your own dicks at how angels sang when Lincoln read the emancipation proclamation that freed absolutely bloody no one.

Damn you, Booth. For eternity. For killing Lincoln the redcoat four years late. America had something unique under the Constitution, but because of that jackass we just had to be like everyone else with a centralized power structure for the sake of weak ass “men” who wanted to run a country rather than be the public servants they’re supposed to be. Then having the gall to act like they ended slavery while establishing their countrymen as third-world peasants in their own country.

You try not to curse online, but fuck it. Fuck these degenerate pricks. Jefferson the Yankee pieces of shit that try to run your life, tell you what you have to believe in their f****t religion. They want bitch and moan about yours? Okay. Don’t answer to God – Answer to Evolution, you sick freaks… Bring your drag show shit around kids and you deserve to be neutered IN PUBLIC – unless your fucked up fetishes would get off on that shit.

No.

You don’t blame people who are angry. Look how fast it can happen.

You’re “right”, after all. You’re the “good guy”, fighting all those horrible people that don’t believe the same things you do. So it’s not hate raging in your heart. It’s okay when you do it.

Fuc… “oh, fun”. It really is easy to leap down a rabbit hole. Forget that even the craziest one “of them” is just as much a child of God as you are.

So easy… to look into that Abyss and not care that it’s also looking back into you. The really messed up thing is that… this could easily be you. You. Yes, you.

And it absolutely would be, if it wasn’t for the Joy of the Holy Spirit within you. Your strong opinions would be prejudices. Your “ever-so-righteous-hatred” would be bigotry at your fellow children of God.

And you’d be okay with it. All of it. And far worse. Far, far worse. Believing you yourself were the true righteous one – desiring to smite all “those people” (whoever they were), believing the ends justified the means.

Seriously – start at the top. A minor disagreement about a navy naming convention 100 years ago… take it, add half a gallon of ADD, a pint of self-righteousness, and a few shots (no communist metric bullshit) of Admiral Nelson and you’re no different than those you claim are destroying the country by forcing their views upon it.

Oh, but you’re the good guy when you do it. 🙄

Lolz…

It really is easy to let yourself be consumed by anger. Let it build. Churn. Mutate. Eventually calcify.

Yes, Atreyu. You are vulnerable to this too. We all are. You are not special. Being strong of opinion does not equate to being strong in conviction, conscience, or purpose.

So get over yourself. And thank God for what fortitude He has given you in not letting your passions be your undoing. You may love Him, but you do not speak for Him. To make your anger His anger is to cheapen it to the point where it is meaningless.

No editing. No filter. Leave it as is. Don’t even spell check.

Please place Your arms around me, Lord. I hate this. Tightness of my heart. I can feel a glimpse of my life without You and … yeah… that guy’s a jackass. 😂

Please hear prayers unspoken tonight. Those that give me grief over that which I cannot change. Place Your arms around those whom I love and care about tonight. Forgive my trespasses. And thank You for the occasional night like this… where you show me how much I need You.

For all time, please by my mighty fortress, as exalted by Psalms 46.

Now……….some puuuuuuurge…. 😂

It doesn’t technically begin until later this month, but wow today was just Gawjuss…

Weather is beautiful. Physically, mostly recovered. Bank account good with some extra after bills are paid and the store is getting more of a well-oiled machine each day. Given this new path, it won’t last forever and you have plenty of room to breathe for the moment.

Felt great getting out today. Felt brave and picked up some cat toys. So far, Ted is making the money spent wisely.😂

There’s a lot to be said for being able to just enjoy the little things like a perfect cloudless 67 degree day with the highlight, being picking up a new belt and sunglasses. The date-like-event fell through, but He’s in charge of that again now. It’s off your chest. Slight actual weight loss. Gonna pretend that’s why, lolz.

Happiness is a blessing. And when your heart can be filled with the joy of the Holy Spirit shining from the world that really matters, you can take the concerns of this world and table them. They don’t go away, but they don’t have to build up on you either.

It’s alright. Enjoy the respite. And be grateful for all of the simple blessings. When you actually look around, there are so many more of them than you realize… and when those rough days hit you like a freight train, you don’t see them.

It’s not like you really delve into that stuff here; this is the place to talk about things you actually have control over. So usually no politics, economic fears, culture war crap.

Just a good little place for reflection. There’s always gonna be tough stuff down the pipe though; so when things are good, just enjoy them.

For today, you can call yourself a great decision-maker…. Because Ted liked the mousy toy.😂

And who knew Electric Six nailed 80s covers? Top comment is right. It has no right to be this good… 😂

She’s never wanted to cuddle this much lolz

It’s fine; muscles are still aching, and probably will for a while. Lots of work to catch up on here. Store is doing really well. Just so happy at how things ended up going. Now you have some flexibility, and for at least a little while, and more productive sleep cycle.

And boy, is it calling 😂

Had Bible study tonight. John. Basic story you’ve gone over when you read it but it just was so much more alive. Glad you made it. Week is going well. Be grateful for everything. 🙂

One week down.

Each one of those things weighs 29 pounds. We’ve placed over 2,000. Arms bruised to various shades. Halfway done.

You’ve kept up with these horses, three of which are well-conditioned amateur MMA fighters.

You’re hurting more and more exhausted than they are, fighting through tendinitis and lack of conditioning, but you’re recovering well enough to know you’re going to be good enough for another week.

That feels good. You can’t wait to get home though. Store is taking off, and the folks are keeping up.

You told them you would put the store on pause, and dad said he had nothing better to do. They actually enjoy feeling useful. You really don’t deserve them. Glad things are the way they are these days; sure hasn’t always been that way.

Thank God they’re just going. Trust Him to keep leading you. Feels like you’re being tossed across a storm. Not adrift… just not sure where you’re going. Heavy seas, but she’s handling just fine.

Get some sleeeeeeeeeeeeeeep.

Gray skies. Cold mud. Heavy physical labor. Every part of you hurts. Sleep comes easy though. Tough to even have hobbies when you’re this sore every day. 10 more days. Can’t wait to get home and it’s only been four.

Could always be worse. It’s enough money to do nothing the rest of a month and pay all the bills.

Missing home would be too much though.

More bruising tomorrow; get some sleep.

The money is going to be amazing. Dreading the trip though. Hate airports. Two weeks. Hotel room Very little to do. Rural Pennsylvania. Could definitely be worse. We’ll see how it goes.

A new journey is a new journey, though. No reason not to enjoy it.

The date isn’t be really with the Holy Spirit, and that needs to be a requirement going forward. Too bad.

Well, at least things are falling into place in the area you need them to the most. Things are gonna be fine. One thing at a time.

Give thanks for every blessing.

Decisions. The good news is you have a lot of options. The bad news is it doesn’t seem like it. Money will finally be coming in for the new store on the seventh. It’s not much yet, but it will definitely help.

One key decision you had to make was what to work on until things got back up and running. Hit the job market full bore, or bet on what you’ve built up in the last year or so and keep plugging with very low income with the new guy at the helm. Big talk. Other guy though he was doomed to fail. One path or the other. You couldn’t travel if you were pinned down.

Another potential opportunity to do something 1099 at a company a friend works with. If both could be done remote, you’d be in okay shape short term.

And while building the new store. Lean weeks. Lots of work. No money. Low income mode again. Nothing you can’t handle; like being 30 again.😂

Then, as they often seem to for you, the clouds part. Money for Pennsylvania starts coming in, and it’s now a grind to get HR into place in one week. Blog entries take days when you’re neck deep in OSHA regs. 😂 You’ll get your “old” job back and hit the field making even more. Store finally starting to earn at the same time.

So many small revenue streams. Some not as small as others. You feel like God is showing you an opportunity to move towards something more your speed, with a long-term goal of building something yourself. It’s a choice between that and just going back to what you’re familiar with, only this time get more money for your time at a job you don’t really care about to make a millionaire richer.

Good news is you’re actually not bad at these decisions when they present themselves. It’s the main reason why you’ve had a comparatively well off life.

There are endless examples of people born into great situations that constantly face hardship because they just couldn’t make a good decision to save their life.

You don’t have any ex-wives, never broken a contract, never spent time in jail for doing something stupid, or gotten sued. Have a good credit rating, and great relationships with really good people who look out for you as you do them, and yet when something is important to you, you still take risks. Like you just did.

Generally speaking, you’re gonna be okay if you do these things. Keep eating your vegetables lolz.

A friend wants to set you up with someone she knows from work. Someone who knows quickBooks lol. Who knows? Maybe this weekend.

Do a better job of being with God. Be grateful. Nothing you have is yours. Everything is a blessing.

You rolled the dice and looks like it’ll work, at least for now. Hold true, don’t tolerate drama, and keep pushing forward. Give glory to God for all you have. This life isn’t the one that really matters.