Low Tide

Last thing you want to do is be more harm than good.

It’s up to her.

She’s a part of you and always will be. Not someone you’ll tell goodbye in this life. But you’ve had enough for the time being. She’s made it clear the Cancer was her choice, so fair enough. You can’t be as invested.

Would be so much easier if you could understand each other.

It’s not like you haven’t been here before, but He has always seems to nudge you back to her. If He wants to again, so be it.

Pray. And move forward. Low tide always seems rough. You have faith in her, though it’s on a scale she’s not used to thinking on.

As for you, keep working on yourself… things take time. Be patient. She does care about you too, and does want you to be healthier…🤔

It’s time to move forward. Match again… great…

Tomcat

(Part I…) 🤔

Sad truth. Ships had to have birds overhead in the 20th century. The battles of Taranto, Pearl Harbor, Coral Sea and Midway saw to it that going straight at another frigate or ship of the line and letting loose with cannon or turret fire were over.

There would be a few more ship to ship battles, but carriers were the new ships of the line, throwing manned birds at each other to do all the fighting. 

Whatever. Time goes on. Adapt, innovate, and solve problems.

If you have to have birds overhead to survive, have the best to protect you from enemy birds. Wildcats led to Hellcats and Corsairs, then to Sabres, and eventually onto Phantoms and Crusaders. Fighters that would defend the fleet rather than strike at land and sea targets.

Fighters fighting Fighters. Good. Let them do all that so ships can fight ships. Though the more powerful and expensive fighters, the more specialized and fewer there were.

Vietnam saw manly Phantoms protecting carriers against MiGs while bombers went and did their thing uselessly like almost everything in that stupid war. They were good enough. But not good enough for what was next.

Soviet “Backfire” bombers armed with “Kitchen” missiles (love NATO code names) Had long flight range and even then once fired, the missiles could hit a carrier 300 miles away.

The spectre of a dozen or so Backfires showering carrier groups with those missiles could spell doom for those Carriers. Sure, they had picket lines of cruisers and destroyers with big SM2-ER Standard missiles with an 80 mile range sailing far ahead of the carrier, but no, our ships would be screwed. Phantoms weren’t fast enough and the short range missiles could never hit a bomber that far away that fast.

The best was needed. Industry want to work. They had to be big, with a huge radar in the nose. Needed amazing supersonic afterburners to soar at Backfire bombers. Range. Range. Range. The standard Sparrow missiles didn’t have it. So they designed a new missile. The Phoenix was huge. The new bird could carry six of them. It was the only reason plane that could carry any.

The Tomcat was a beast. Too big to even operate off the oldest Midway Class Carriers in service.

Vastly improved avionics. Variable wing design, wide to take off and have maneuverability if they had to go air to air against other fighters, and they’d move into a swept back for blazing speed to close distance with bombers.

From the ground up across the board, an amazing aircraft had to be designed, not just to shoot down the “archers before they could fire their arrows” but still have air superiority over more maneuverable fighters.

Basically they just need to the best of absolutely everything. They were.

Air Force pilots called them “turkeys” because of how they looked parked. But they were F-14 Tomcats. Yeah, they were in the movie Top Gun. Good movie but the Tomcat was far more than just a movie star.

With its speed, range, afterburners and those monstrous Phoenix missiles, good luck being a Soviet bomber anywhere near a carrier. Early warning aircraft finds you and whispers to a Tomcat on routine patrol and you could be locked onto before crossing the coastline.

Leave it to Air Force guys flying F-15 Eagles to take to a rivalry with Navy F-14 Tomcat pilots. Which one would win? The airmen always bragged the Eagles won in dogfighting and air superiority.

LOL what the Eagle was designed to do. Talk about missing the point. Sure, go up against the Tomcat. What? What do you mean you want to start inside 40 miles? 😂

No, son. You’re getting blown out of the sky from 110 miles away before you even get close. But even at your game you’re going to get a run for your money.

Competition between the services is nothing new;  but it always struck a bit hollow in this rivalry because the missions of the planes were so different.

The movie didn’t help. Made it look like the Tomcat was a pure air superiority fighter; not a fleet defender.

Easily the most magnificent fighter America’s ever made. Oh sure there’s the new ones, stealth planes with more expensive smaller radars, etc. but nothing like the Tomcat that will hit you 500 miles away and full afterburn.

The magnificence of that plane makes the tragedy of its demise even greater. After the Cold War ends, The Navy doesn’t have as much to worry about from long range bombers The Russians can’t afford to operate, And after 9/11 everything became focused on land attack and no one had anything that could hold a candle to the multi-role Hornets that backed the Tomcat up.

So they got rid of them. The capability of hitting targets out that far. Too expensive. And they were too stupid to at least keep just a few of them around to maintain the capability.

Not unlike getting rid of all of the anti-ship weapons on our naval vessels – a stupid mistake. Sure we didn’t have any credible naval threat for 20 years, but now Russia and China are actually building threats to our fleets and we sure could use some anti-ship missiles and some freaking Tomcats on patrol when our multibillion dollar carriers get within a potential enemy’s ballistic missile range.

Leahy- and Belknap- class cruisers carried the SM2-ER to hit air targets 80 mi away and they ditched them for the Ticonderoga class that had missiles only half the range, but more advanced Aegis defense systems. Same issue.

More “advanced”, but with not nearly the range. Good job guys. Don’t give them both barrels at the same time and hedge your bets In case your new-fangled toys don’t do the trick.

Next-generation stealth fighters? Sure. Spend 20 years designing a plane that can’t be seen… until they spend 5 years making a better radar.

Tomcat could independently track and hit a different target with every missile.  worried about missing? Lol fire twice. That way you don’t have to worry and put your trust in letting Kitchens get close.

The only other country to operate Tomcats Ironically was Iran; The legacy of an arms deal done before the Shah was overthrown. So the Navy destroyed every last retired Tomcat just to keep spare parts out of the enemy’s hands.

It’s not like they were going to lose any in battle against the Iraqi Air Force in the 80s. There are legends of Iranian Tomcat pilots that American Air Force guys try to shush.

The Tomcat was one of a kind, built for a very specific mission, though dynamic enough to adapt to any aerial threat. Towards the end they even made ground attack modifications, but that was a waste of its talent.

There’s just something about facing unique threats. Unique circumstances. Times where an unconventional solution is needed to save the day.



Innovation. Creativity. Hard work. Adaptation. Solution.

Unique challenges require unique solutions. 

There are just lessons in everything, aren’t there? 🤔

And damn they were beautiful…

It sucks not to just be able to man the cannons and do straight up battle with your opponent. But being a Knight of the Sky… that was a pretty good consolation prize…

RIP, Tomcats. Y’all are truly missed.

Get out of The Way.

Spent. Tired. Weary. Yeah, you’re in The Way now. Your attitude has been getting more and more… well… probably best called sullen as of late.

You’re just tired of it. All of it. She knows you think about her every day but she doesn’t know how much. Would probably bother her.

Doesn’t matter. There is literally not a damn thing you can say, case you can make, anything whether relentlessly logical or purely emotional.

You once mocked her out of frustration. Literally no matter what he did she always brought him back in. Literally no matter what. Literally. No. Matter. What.

You said you hoped he never actually hit her because then she’d never leave him. Well that’s one hell of a regret now.

Fucking Stockholm. Conditioned response “but I deserved it because of what I did”. Exact same damn thing no matter what said action is.

It’s the gaslightingly emotional abuse that started this wagon that’s your real concern.

And even if you are completely off-base… it’s still freaking toxic no matter what.

Pat yourself on the back that you managed to hold your tongue from the nasty plunging fire in the form of sardonic babbling you’ve kept from her so far.

And now take that with the bitter pill that you deserve – and recognize that maybe you have a fucking control problem too and that’s why you’re so pissed off.

Because it certainly looks like it. Oh whatever just admit it. 😒

And yet…

…she says…

She’s considering a lot of Jesus stuff right now. And she might be tuning into Pnuts soon.

While you’re feeling this way. Great.

Well, save some of that indignation for yourself. No – you’re not perfect… but you made it very clear that you could not get in the way of your desire for her to find Home.

You need to go in a different direction for a while. You are in absolutely no position to be of any benefit to her with what really matters right now.

It is deep down what you really want for her most of all. At least that actually is the truth even as strongly as you have your own desires as well.

But if she is to develop her relationship with Jesus… you need to leave her be. You are causing problems. Or will as that side you keep hidden gets more ornery.

There are two facts you need to understand more than anything else right now:

1) She owes you nothing in terms of explanation or consideration regarding the choices she makes.

2) If she chooses to follow Jesus, literally nothing else matters.

You are your problem right now. Not her.

Take heart from the fact that you have given her your concerns. She has given you her word that she would consider your Stockholm assessment – which means she has and will.

SHE will decide what is best for her.

Interesting question… if you could override her decisions… would you? That’s not something you believe in. You believe in individuality, freedom and personal responsibility.

And yet… yeah. Yeah you would. So you’re a hypocrite too. Great.

That’s not protecting her… WTF is wrong with your head right now???

Sigh.

General rule of thumb whenever your faced with tough choices:

Choose the harder path. It’s somehow literally always the right one.

Take some time away from her.

You are in The Way.

And frankly you really need to work on you for a while too. You didn’t realize how far off course you’ve gotten.

Jesus is what matters. For both of you.

Springtime in the Holy City is coming. This is a good time to do some centering. For both of you.

And don’t get this way again. However she feels about you, she knows you’re better than that – and sure needs you to be.

Now go be better. Eat your vegetables. Get out of The Way.

And do the Tomcat post. That was a neat idea. A better idea than being an idiot at least.

Refuge

More Psalms. The tough ones. Book III. Regret. Forgiveness. Love.

Please forgive my trespasses, Lord. I fall short, but must never cease trying. I felt horrible about it even before it was over. I just wanted Flame to leave. The last day I didn’t want anymore of it, and just wanted your grace to forgive my guilt.

Forgive me so that guilt may leave me; it obstructs me on a night I need a clear voice. 

Please let beloved Crow find You, Lord. Please help her find tomorrow. Her angry taunts plagued me all day. I pray for her to choose tomorrow, and have terrible fears that she will leave. But there is nothing I can say, and her anger won’t subside.

Please hold her in your arms every moment I can’t hold her in mine. I don’t care if she hates me forever, just give her more time to find you. And please let my mind be at peace.

I’m not responsible for any of the corners closing in on her; the cancers in her life and her decisions led her there long before we grew close... but sometimes it sure doesn’t feel that way.

If given the opportunity I wanted to be part of her finding that which has alluded her for so long.

She knows how much I want for her, how much I want to be with her, and what I would give to make her happy…

…and for over five years, I have been crushed as she has chosen the cancers over what I wanted to give her. Or at least what I wanted her to find.

But I am nothing when it comes to what I want for her in finding You, and my love and pain has blinded me far too often. Now it has been joined by my frustration. And here we are.

Take whatever you need. Save her. Please. I don’t even care how. Give her something. Anything. To guide her to you.

That has never been me. I am no guide. Merely a fellow broken traveler that leads himself astray too often. Only you can guide her – and only if she is willing to give You a chance.

Please let her anger be with me, not you. I didn’t wrong her, but that isn’t good enough. Just be with her. Hold her. Guide her. And please do the same for me.

Even in what seems like it might be the darkest hour… I have faith in this woman. To be courageous. Wise. Strong. Happy.

Her brightest days are yet to come, filled with love and laughter; caring and understanding. 

Even tonight. Even now.

I read the words from Psalms 91 as if she could hear them.

Because I have faith in her.

I will say concerning the Lord, who is my refuge and my fortress, my God in whom I trust:

He himself will rescue you from the bird trap, from the destructive plague.

He will cover you with his feathers; you will take refuge under his wings. His faithfulness will be a protective shield.

You will not fear the terror of the night, the arrow that flies by day, the plague that stalks in darkness, or the pestilence that ravages at noon.

Though a thousand fall at your side and ten thousand at your right hand, the pestilence will not reach you.

You will only see it with your eyes and witness the punishment of the wicked.

Because you have made the Lord – my refuge, The Most High – your dwelling place, no harm will come to you; no plague will come near your tent.

For he will give his angels orders concerning you, to protect you in all your ways.

They will support you with their hands so that you will not strike your foot against a stone.

You will tread on the lion and the cobra; you will trample the young lion and the serpent.

—

Please. Hold her in your arms tonight, Lord. Bless her as you have blessed me. She is sacred to me.

She has always been.

In Jesus’ name, amen.

Energy

Just so tired. The cloudy, chilly days begin to give way to warm, sunny days of renewal. Moving forward is all around you. A 44th birthday approaches. Another notification for another book for tomorrow. Start out small. Humble. As with any new job. But just so tired. Become less tired. Find new energy. Find new life...

The Limit

It’s a new day. For you, and more than one of those close to you. Every day will have highs and lows, but a new day is a new day. Notice the context.

“New Day”… is a term of optimism. Interesting. 🤔

Blessings bestowed on us. Things to be thankful for. Answers for questions on decisions needed to be made.

Start off strong. No reason not to. And give thanks for every New Day to God. Let Him guide you. Across seas stormy and steady. Breathe deep into the mask. Sleep will come. Cool breezes. New ideas.

The sky is the limit. 🙂

So Easy

It really is. Maybe the only thing that’s easy. So easy you have to be careful.

Telling her that you love her. It just… feels so good.

It’s not just something you say. Sometimes you try to pass it off that way, make it less formal. “Love Ya” is a good go-to. But even then, it just feels so good to say it to her. Not just because it’s true, or feels natural – even though both are the case.

Sigh. You really need to be careful.😕

Keep the order straight. The Dove comes first. Then the Azalea. Then the Rose. Quit forgetting. Please quit forgetting. You are not what matters. Her finding Jesus – and Home is. It matters so much.

Because you love her so much.

Aaaaaand that’s what we call a feedback loop. Which means only one thing – LOL yeah you’re gonna need His help on this one. 😂

It’s not like you don’t have feeling for anyone else. You care for Flame a great deal. But you haven’t said those words to her since she found you again outside “part of you always would”.

You don’t know what to think about that. So remember what you heard this morning, and try to get closer to Him in your daily life. Try to invite Him into everything you do.

In supply side economics, people always fixate on the political aspect and not the economic one.

Basic layman’s economic understanding is the line where demand meets the supply, and you move along those points on supply curve. The lower the supply, the higher the price. So logically you would want to maximize the yield. If the first number is the Number of people willing to buy something at the price (represented by the second number)…

1×9

2×8

3×7

4×6

5×5

6×4

7×3

8×2

9×1

You charge five dollars. Five people will buy it. Maximizes the inflow.

But that’s moving along the points on a static curve. When you focus on shifting the whole curve itself… that’s when things start getting amazing. 🙂

Maybe that’s what happened with your heart. Maybe not. But focus on helping her shift the whole curve, not just find more comfortable points along it.

Because it feels so good to tell her you love her.

🕊🌷🌹