All hands on deck. Call to arms. Beat to quarters. Whatever you prefer. 2020 hit everyone badly and you for one spent it reeling. Fears of cognitive damage. Inability to master learning as you once did. Feelings of helplessness and fears of failing Him abounded.
Bright side: that was everyone. More or less. Everyone had nemeses that were stronger last year. And reality rarely confines dark times to our little pet Measurements of time. What will make 2021 better than 2020?
ROFLMAO…. you have no idea.
So might as well go in fighting.
For what you want. For what you dream possible. You have no direction. Nothing to fuel your greater nature. Woe was you in 2020. Woe was everyone.
Now is time to fight. Your hopes. Your dreams. You’ve walked the wrong way on a mountain trying to climb it and FINALLY felt that anger. That sweet, beautiful anger that defines the standards that you insist you hold true to and had fallen from.
And you beat that mountain. But that rush. That feeling. That passion. In that moment of abject stupidity and failure after already failing the day before…
That long forgotten companion. Screwed up on a report? Stay late to beat the crap out of a problem hounding you. Fucking FIGHT.
For a win when you feel you’re losing. When you’re wounded, be it physically, spiritually, or cognitively.
For your dreams. For your loves. Be who you fucking ARE again, Atreyu. And no, it’s not going to happen tomorrow. Or the next day. Or the day after.
Pound that drum. Every. Single. Day. For what you believe in. For what you desire more than air to breathe.
For her? Yes. She is you. In your very veins. You must be ready. And you will be. She doesn’t need potential. She needs fucking Warspite.
So be Warspite. NO. BE CONSTITUTION – you’re not in the mood to admire one of her majesty’s subjects, whose spirit could only have come from a former life as a proud American champion.
LOL does it matter in a world where all are children before the God of the Universe?
Yes. It does. It matters to fight for what you believe in. Even if you’re scared to death. ESPECIALLY if you’re scared to death.
This is the year you will rebalance. Or begin to. As God sees fit. For your sake. For the sake of those you Love. For His purpose – and everything in between.
You can’t read. Fuck it. Read anyway.
You can’t study. Fuck it. Study like a scared Senior with something to prove.
You can’t succeed. Fuck it. Laugh as you do it anyway.
You can’t hold her in your arms. Fuck it. You Will. This Year. Whoever She is…. It’s time to fight for her.
You have been your lesser half too long. 2021…. whatever it brings you… is another time. Another opportunity.
You know who you are. Quit hiding. You have the Old Ironsides you choose to, and the tenacity that Warspite would shine upon you – IF……
YOU. CHOOSE. TO. SEIZE. THE. DAY.
And today… Is a good day to seize! 😊
Praise be to God. You are beyond blessed and that blessing won’t share itself…
So much noble sentiment. So much you get. So much you see clear as day. So much is part of you. Sometimes it makes it difficult to see parts of the horizon you sailed past long ago. The questions you asked; the certainty you sought. It wasn’t nearly to the level of others, but you did have those questions. The difference was the times in your life where you saw plain as day the Truth and could only comprehend what it meant for you when it did. That was enough. 
Even now you really don’t feel much pulling you towards church and fellowship; two things that you know are very important to you in your journey. That’s gonna have to change. Covid’s making too many people comfortable being hermits. You’re not really the gregarious guy jumping into crowds, but you sure need to miss the normalcy of other people. Small groups. Friends. Etc. it’s who you are, and who you will be as soon as everything gets normalized again.
In the meantime take heart from the miscellaneous bits of inspiration and draw strength from them. 
You are out of alignment now and there’s no reason to pretend otherwise. Things will be fine soon, just focus on what’s important And let Him guide you – and remember you’re not immune to anything. 🤔
We all have some, especially once you pass 30. Things that make ordinarily rational and kind people go off on weird tangents… that really made no sense until you consider the greater context of things in peoples lives.
Well you certainly haven’t felt cold, callous, or petty on a while. Give yourself a little credit though. At least you realized it the second it happened. You felt that cold, Unfamiliar feeling… and yet could recognize it instantly.
You… but not. A part of you wounded long ago. It healed, maybe it was just a flicker of something else...
Flame’s oldest daughter got robbed. She was freaking out. First instinct was prayer as always, for Him to be with someone in need.
And holy crap if the first thing that popped into your head wasn’t baggage. 😔
She left you. Five years off and on is a lot when you’re 22. After getting out of college you were planning on proposing, but some jackass who lived an hour and a half closer weaseled his way into her life and she left. She got knocked up and was married before the end of the year.
And now the kid’s a sweet 20 year old in the army reserve working to be a baker’s assistant. Good for her. Flame is proud of her; For good reason even on top of that level where any parent would be proud of a good kid.
And when it comes time to reflexively pray, you find that part of you that’s one rat bastard. All of a sudden it was hard to pray because it was her kid with jackass. Was it supposed to be your kid with her? Probably not. But old wounds bubbled up to the surface. You remembered how much it hurt. The deep pain you suffered that was nothing really in retrospect…. it was just the first time, and oh did it hurt…
Now, so many years later none of that matters. You’re a different person, you’ve grown a lot; older, wiser, and more mature. You giggle when you think of how childish you were, but you were still a kid. That’s normal.
You just weren’t expecting that cold hand to reach out and try to rob you of empathy. It was crazy. For a second you literally didn’t give a shit. It has nothing to do with you. She has beyond nothing to do with any issues that happened back then; nothing could possibly be her fault, and yet here you were… Having difficulty praying for her when she was robbed thanks to momentary bitterness from 20 years earlier.
Fascinating.
You really don’t like her talking about her kids for many reasons, but it was easy for you to handle when you thought she was happy all these years. Now you find out she was miserable six months in and it’s only gotten worse since. And there has never been one ounce of interest on your end to even jab at her for leaving. Good Lord she has suffered far longer from horrible treatment than you did even when overly dramatic 22year old you cried yourself to sleep missing her.
Chances are it wouldn’t of worked out had y’all stayed together back then (because it didn’t), But it doesn’t change the facts on the ground.
You’re a jackass. Well, that corner of you is. It would be so much different if you did have kids of your own. You had been itching to take Celt and her daughter to see the lights for months. You got to cosplay as a parent, lol. 
Wife. Kids. Picket Fence. Being a Griswold. All denied. Maybe that cold that got in the way of praying wasn’t a residual bit of leftover pain from being an immature kid… maybe it’s the fact that Christmas is tomorrow. Thank God you still have two folks to go and visit, but damn if you just so want to bring your fiancé to visit. Or your little kids. Just once. Or hell, your fiancé and her kids from a former marriage – if it was any one but Flame’s.
See that cold, petty jackass?  See him? What, you think you’re too good to not be victim to callousness? Pettiness? Screw you for not being my daughter?
Deep down… given your baggage… you actually do have an excuse to have it. Seems to be the story of your life that the things you want the most so many others have and don’t appreciate.
It’s sick. Twisted. You’d treat your wife beautifully. You’ve waited too long to treat her any other way. You feel like you’d be an amazing dad; you had wonderful examples. Teaching and learning at the same time. Instilling discipline while fostering creativity. And instead you watch dysfunction in women’s lives all around you.
And if you had a wife and kids… these doldrums would be over – by necessity. That’s rocket fuel to a good man who needs a cause. You’d have different problems, sure, but those kinds of problems you struggle with much less than the ones you have now. 
Envy. You hate it. Don’t usually get bit by it. But no… it’s not different because you want something good, to benefit others, etc. Thank God it overplayed its hand and you saw it… now you know you’re battling it.
We all have that part of us that’s petty and bitter.  My goodness it is so much easier when it just comes across as wrong as it did so you see it for what it is… and then wonder how often it tricks you when you don’t see it.
Whatever. You prayed for warmth. Forgiveness. While giggling, lolz… hey if you can’t laugh at yourself when you do stupid things? And when the soul was clean, prayer for Flame’s girl were as natural as if she actually was yours.
All of this is so minuscule. So trivial. There are so many people out there with so many bigger problems. But admitting where are you are weak is the first step in understanding where are you are strong.
You’re not really sure about in the future if you’ll ever even meet her kids in person. That bitter guy inside has no interest in meeting them, even though they mean the world to Flame.
Goodness knows if they disrespected their mother the way she claims they do on occasion… in front of you? Yeah you’d open your mouth and Granny would come out…😡
You don’t even mean to think about them. It’s your wife and kids you want to think about – but there’s no one there. You certainly don’t regret not having kids with the wrong woman; seen it. It’s ugly.
The right one though… wherever she is, chances are kids aren’t a possibility anymore. Whatever, that’s fine. It’s not like you deserve one.
Acknowledge the wound. Recognize that it’s deeper than you realize. Can deeply bother you in conversations if you’re hit the wrong way. First step is to admit the problem. You don’t know where it goes from here…
But at least that one rat bastard can’t hide anymore. 😊
Don’t really care right this second either. Your 43rd Christmas as ‘the kid’ begins tomorrow. And both of your parents are still alive, so you’re a jackass if you complain about it.
One of these days you’ll at least be able to hold your other half in your arms. She will be all the family you really need. Might not be as you envisioned it when you were a kid, but… things just weren’t meant to be that way. Thank goodness you didn’t make a mistake with someone not right for you though.
It could always be worse. Now go find ways to make it better. And next time just enjoy the fact the little girls were thrilled to see the lights; Don’t let it beat you up so much.🙂
So weird, what gives one stress. Two phone appointments with good folks interested in helping you today, the first one paid, the second one a good friend of dad’s who is a motivational speaker and mentor. Reading in the book about Live Visioning and trying to gain wisdom and insight into understanding what areas to target to gravitate towards a path more suited to your ‘hunter mindset’. Signing up with various job services to hunt things temporarily. Amazon already blowing up your phone. Trying to isolate an exercise group that would help you get into a better overall physical shape to sharpen your mind. One you found is free, does Christian fellowship with fitness, and highly recommended by a friend. But…very, very early in the morning. And no women.
One of those is problematic, lol.
But damn if right now you didn’t hang up the phone last and not all of a sudden become instantly aware of your stomach being in knots and a weight being lifted by your lungs. FFS… WHY?
I mean you know these folks. You’re doing what you’re supposed to. Learning, putting yourself out there, all manner of things you’ve done before. It seemed a heck of a lot scarier last time too. And… while you have confidence issues with making mistakes, you’re addressing it – doing what you’re supposed to do. So why all the knots? The deep breath release when you hung up the phone and stress you didn’t even realize you were having?
Nichelle Nichols was gawjuss back in the day. Maybe she’s the reason a small part of you has an odd attraction to black women in good shape that have beautiful smiles. Nothing like with cute redheads, but it was rather difficult for you to not want to ask out a certain supervisor of yours at Xerox back in the day…
So irritating that your favorite episode of the old Star Trek – The Doomsday Machine – didn’t have Nichelle in it. The episode was a classic, and though remastered, you love the original special effects. For the Doomsday Machine itself…not the model used for the USS Constellation. Though the hilarity for how bad the mock up was does sort of get in the way of how menacing the Doomsday Machine itself was.
It was just a windsock dipped in paper mache, with a sparkler within. But it looked to you when you watched it as a kid like a literal Eye Of Fire. That thing, coming at the stalwart Captain Kirk, in between eating freaking planets… It didn’t “scare” you, but wow when you think about the first time you actually felt any tension, it probably came from TV (you were a happy go lucky kid). Darned if it probably came from this episode – the first episode you actually remembered.
The music at the end, as Kirk stared into the Eye of Oblivion with the “my clothes are so tight because of the gravitational field caused by my huge balls” look on Shatner’s face as he stood there, helpless. He’d already won. The Planet Killer was itself doomed. Set the charges and Scotty frantically repairs the transporter to get him out before the improvised bomb goes off, blowing apart the Enterprise’s twin inside the Machine. Spock calmly calling out exceptionally unhelpful suggestions to Scotty as he metaphorically attaches wires with gum and duct tape with not a second to spare. Kirk finally cracks a note of concern “Gentlemen I suggest you beam me aboard” brilliantly. Oh, he gets it. He’s not some “I’m a badass not scared of anything!”, but that doesn’t mean he’s not going to give a hint that he’s not completely in charge of the situation, even when it’s the exact opposite.
But the real hero of the scene was Sol Kaplan, who frankly deserved to be a bazillionaire after John Williams basically ripped off the score for “Jaws”. For literally 35 years, in the back of your mind, that sound is what stress/anxiety/you name it… “sounded like”. Literally the only thing that needed remastering was the dorking little model of the Enterprise they banged up for the Constellation since they couldn’t ding the master filming model.
Damn you can still feel it. You love this scene. Especially the music. Because it strikes perfectly in exactly what it was going for. So much so that you almost subconsciously “hear it”? Feel it? in your stomach and lungs even today. As perfect as you find it a fit for the moment in the episode, you actually like it in general. Sounds fun in a weird way. Like you would LOVE to be able to somehow use it in a tense scene in D&D for the players to ratchet up tension to 11… but there’s no way to because of how “in-character” and “out of character” time work. Only way to do it would be to loop it and put it on low in the background, but that would be a little too subtle. “Da na da na da na da na….” isn’t supposed to be subtle in the background… it is IN. YOUR. FACE. AND. ABOUT. TO. EAT. YOUR. PLANET. Lolz
Now?
An Entire week has passed since you left off this draft… well naturally because you didn’t have the pressure of another appointment. Until today. And the knots appear again….
So much to Process. You’re not doing nothing but it sure doesn’t feel that way. The bad news is this is not a recipe for success. But the good news is… It literally can change it in an instant.
Take heart from that. And write more… this is good for you. 🙂
They are beautiful, aren’t they? Sure would be nice. If they were yours, but they aren’t. You don’t know, you just… know.  Too beautiful… placid. Conventional. Why?
Beautiful melodies but in an ethereal (no pun intended) Melody with just enough beautiful, coordinated discordance that it sounds just foreign enough.
It’s really not fair. All manner of things that aren’t fair. Pretty much every aspect of your life that doesn’t have to do with love… unfair. In your favor.
Alcoholism killed your grandfather, From what dad said blissfully before you were born. Jackass wife-beating POS. Although fascinatingly just maybe two years ago dad mentioned that he had paranoid schizo tendencies and once even allowed himself to be hospitalized. Well for a little while. Always thought someone was after him. Hated Jews. The town drunk. Dad was the star running back of the football team and the bastard only showed up wants to watch his son play – and booed him.
Probably could tell even then how amazing the man would end up being and could see nothing but jealousy for him. Drinking himself to hatred of his own son.
A former army cook in World War II. The only picture you ever saw of him was terrifying because of how much he looked like dad – but… like his opposite. Evil doppelgänger. Because dad swore he would never be like him.
How many of your freaking blessings came from the town drunk’s effect on your dad? Bizarre.
Like when Crow mentioned what you had always wondered about Judas since you were a kid… wondering whether or not his duplicity was not just part of God’s plan, But like he had been “assigned” the task to make sure Jesus could die for our sins…
So funny that she brought that up when it was literally something that weighed on your heart when you were a kid but later buried because you always prefer questions to answers.
So, your wife beating jackass grandfather… hysterical because you grew up calling your father “daddy” because he was insecure with being called “dad” because that’s what he called the jackass. So funny that kids at school making fun of you in like the sixth grade for still calling him “daddy” made you have one of the first adult conversations, ask him to call him “dad”.
Who the hell was this guy? Died at age 59 before you were born. Not even sure if mom met him, but probably not because dad would not have cared for that too much. Whatever. Dad even today is terrified you carry the gene of vulnerability to alcoholism that doomed your granddad.
Nope. Blessed. Yet again…
The exact opposite effect. A desire to celebrate. To praise God. To sing. Dance. Love. Inspire.  The idea of hurting anything other than inanimate objects in this state of mind is foreign.
No wonder you can’t comprehend what alcoholism is. The worst thing alcohol leads you to is a hangover after having a wonderful evening enjoying YouTube, remixes of clair de lune, colorful disco balls, and the company of nothing but two cats and a deity.
Blessings.
Why is it this way for you? And yet… so destructive for her?  You’re not a genius but you’re not stupid, either. You understand enough to see the truth… and there’s not a damn thing you can do but be thankful for the toehold of Sunday mornings.
How quickly you would give up this blessing for her to give up her curse… yet another thing you would give...
You’ve been steering clear for a few reasons. Because you didn’t want to stand in God’s way with your own biases. And yet… figuring out what He wants continues to be an exercise in 12-D chess. Just enough unintentional barbs hitting your baggage to push you away.
Come on. Seriously. It’s His time. To speak to her. She is listening isn’t she? She is seeking Him with all of her heart, From Jeremiah 29:13, isn’t she? What do you have to offer? Generic “beginner level” Platitudes from someone who can’t even read the Bible without help to bounce it off of?
Claire de Lune. You do like this version. It’s not your song though. Not your end credits. It will be so beautiful if one day it was hers though… when it’s time. As in long from now. The gorgeous melodies and tones can’t hold a candle to the beauty you see in her soul, so there’s probably something better. End credits for Home. Has she ever heard hers before? It’s so odd, even now what she treats as fact in how she knows you, you still hold reservations on. Which is quite ironic because deep down in the tiniest corner of your soul… something lines up with it.
So what’s with all the doubt? Is it doubt? Or is it something else? An almost instinctive ordering of priority? Do you doubt that there was a past? Or is there a part of you that might acknowledge it but refuse to give attention to it because it opens the door to failing again and being stuck?
Goodness can you imagine what it would be like to have to go around again? Would people even be people a century from now? Would they be born with implants like a Star Trek villain? Born into a collapsed world right out of Orwell where conformity of thought is demanded by those who know better? Maybe even your thoughts could be monitored like social media algorithms do now… and you get your food ration if you agree with what the corporations tell you to agree with? It’s not like social credit systems aren’t being mentioned here and there in authoritarian circles.
LOL, yeah… you were a kid in the 80s, teen in the 90s, saw the birth of the Internet after the first death of communism. even in just the time you have lived you have been so blessed.
The very idea of going around again 100 years from now? Yeah no thanks. Especially when you have your desires set on Being With God. The Next Life.
So beautiful, peaceful, and not likely to be lobotomized by implants, lol…
Beautiful colors… disco ball… 😂 Just a slight blessed buzz… what do you need anything else for? The warmth of the music caresses your shoulders. The echo of the notes massage your spirit. It’s not fair. Of course it’s not fair.
It’s so easy for you. Feeling all the blessings of your life. Two wonderful parents that raised you to know where they came from so you could be thankful for them, realizing you were going to have to fight the part of you that was spoiled. Don’t ever act like you’re home free though – you know how quickly you can fall. How quickly you have fallen.
It’s not like you aren’t one hell of a sinner. Who isn’t? Stay grounded. Thirst for the Word. Seriously – Why would you not? What’s wrong?
What’s wrong?
It’s the music. It’s not your end credits.
It’s not hers either. It is nice and peaceful though. 🙂 Maybe it once was… who knows…
In a past that doesn’t matter unless there’s a part that you could learn from to not repeat mistakes… 🤔
What do you would give… to share this moment with her…
And for the first time in…years… you actually don’t know what accent Love speaks with in said desire…
Lord, please watch over her in her time of need. Comfort her lungs when they tighten without her noticing as stress seeks to strangle her. May the traffic make it a slight pain to swing by the red dots on the way home. Just enough to remind her… to give her a little bit more strength to consider another cat tower…
If your pattern holds true, something will end up happening soon to drive this heart straight to her. As it always does when it finds freedom from growing weak at the sight of her smile.
Last time it was a dream of a mansion and turning away from riches for her; as if wealth could hold a candle to happiness. 😂
 thank you for the wisdom imparted to me that I don’t have to have a clue how your stupid plan works 😂 I just need to have faith in You, and it will.
Let my heart bathe in the warmth of the peace of mind of Faith… it doesn’t have to understand anything to know your Love surrounds each and every one of us… we just need to breathe it in….
You prefer questions. Especially in matters of the spirit. The reason is simple – all else equal, you don’t know and will never know while on this earth. If you have a question and come up with an answer, He’s not going to appear and congratulate you for winning the daily double…
And in a universe where you are the creation, you have no idea the tools of the creator.
It’s funny that the Bible says that God created the heavens and the earth. Because of the time Genesis was written in, specifics of today really wouldn’t apply. It’s entirely possible that that only meant the solar system. Or the Milky Way. Or literally everything everywhere. Or just this version of reality. Probably something even more that you can’t even comprehend though. 🤔
So there is the eternal question then… Why? To which there is no real answer other than your cliché response…
One theory your Bible study group wants tossed out was that God is too majestic not to be worshipped… which is at the same time both true and probably still not the answer, lol… 😆 
Right now your running theory is that cliché…. “Why Not?”
One of a million things that has an answer, but it doesn’t matter. Very few of the answers actually matter.  I mean just your favorite analogy of trying to explain taxes to a housecat pretty much covers the idea of human beings attempting to comprehend their creator.
Maybe that’s one of the reasons why you put stock in evolution. That our species is supposed to evolve. That we are supposed to “level up”…  and maybe after a few more hundred thousand years, our species might actually evolve to a point where our brains can comprehend the next level in God’s little project.
Maybe that’s at a point when God reveals Himself to us in a way we can understand him in terms other than “God”.
Maybe that’s one of the reasons why you love SG-1. The benevolent Asgard were an advanced race of aliens who were friends of ancient humanity and sought to protect them, but the latter were to primitive to understand the former. So the Asgard projected illusions of themselves as great warriors to mimic the Norse gods… Leaving behind on many human worlds chambers of knowledge to test the human descendants.
Eventually one day said human society would advance to a point when the descendants of those cavemen could answer a question of a famous mathematical formula – at which point the Asgard would know they have reached the next step of development and would introduce themselves as what they truly were. 
Maybe it’ll be like that one day. Maybe not. 🤔
There is a reason for all things. God’s Plan. Ultimately that’s always the answer, which makes sense because it’s the most annoying answer possible.
Being able to just let go though… having enough trust in faith… anytime there is a conundrum of questioning what is right just and fair… always knowing “God Is Just”… You have so much less anxiety in your life because you have this faith.
It is rather disturbing though because honestly you do know that nobody’s really that great of a person… The human race isn’t exactly filled with saints and never has been. And even those saints had pasts…
God is Just. Jesus paid the price for our sins. Some people have a problem with that. “Why couldn’t God just forgive us?” “Why did Jesus have to go through all that”, etc.
Which is odd considering this society still holds true to systems of compensation, action and consequence, etc. Many scoff at the idea of offering sacrifices, etc, but it’s honestly no different than supply and demand at the end of the day. Jesus being the ultimate sacrifice ultimately squared it. 
Humanity’s collective sins are nearly infinite. Therefore only an infinite sacrifice would make up for them.
So many questions that made complete sense When you actually asked others wiser than you. Is there more to it than that? Of course. Why on earth wouldn’t there be? 😂
Redemption and peace. Jesus gave everything so we would have them.
Everything makes sense in a way that you just can’t explain to anyone else.  every single line of every conduit on that motherboard of motherboards ties together neatly in some greater construct that is existence.
So many things explained only in terms of your slightly evolved ape brain can understand. What do you need answers for? You wouldn’t be able to understand them. it’s all part of the wondrousness of Faith. You know that answer that annoys you. Faith in Him and His plan.
His plan. Our Free Will. Two things completely linked and separate at the same time.
There’s nothing you can say to help her. Nothing you can do. It’s between her and Him. He is her answer. Keep praying for her. Keep giving distance so He can work without your biases. Hold as true as you can so your prayers carry more weight. If she could only see what you saw in her… If she could only see…
How to destroy all that millions hold as Truth all in one fell swoop. No technicalities. No misinterpretations. No excuses.
No guts, no glory. 😂
The bullseye was painted on a faith’s back by the faith itself. What’s the point? Of this concept? That ceremony? Those ideals?
Salvation. And Home.
At the end of the day, there is no other point in having ‘Christ’ is Christianity.
So simple. Yet such complexity to the understanding. Ensuring that any could recognize it as otherworldly profound depending on their own personal understanding.
A simple-minded Thai rice farmer. An Ivy-League educated PhD candidate. The quest for understanding gives each as much as they may understand.
What ultimately matters the most.
And the way to discount everything it stands for, displayed for all to see… daring any to try.
Something wants you to feel fear. You don’t have a clue what or why. You know it’s the dawning of a new time. So why hold back? It’s not about you. It’s about God, and her. You know the feeling of being in His presence. Just the two of you. How overwhelming it was.
You know you have fear because your mind is downplaying things. Distancing itself even maybe.
How do you know she’s going to “get it right”? If you live in such loving, warm certainty, why wouldn’t you want to be the one to barge in and voice all your concerns? Try to Micromanage her experiences?
You know… be stupid? Lol so easy to answer ones own questions. 😂
If she reaches out to God with all her heart… Seeks the salvation of Jesus… He will handle it.
Your fears are adorable… but worldly. And given your own struggles… It kinda just makes sense to let Him handle it. He is smarter than you most of the time. 🤔
Your fears come from the most caring place in your heart… but they aren’t helpful. They represent not having enough faith in God that you’re worried what might happen.
There’s a duality involved – as there always is. This must be her journey. But she can’t do it her way. You can’t tell her you’d do it differently. But you’re worried she might miss what God wishes for her be insisting on “her way” instead of His path.
Given the past, that’s understandable. But ultimately… This just isn’t about you. And so you wait. Anxiously like a kid at 4am on Christmas morning. You can tell because you’re distracted.
You’re worried she’ll “not do it right”.
What is the right way? Her listening to God. Talking with Jesus, not you. How do you know she’s really listening to God? Not something else?
Because… God. If you have faith in God’s actions, there’s your answer.
For once in your life… maybe the tendency to ignore stress will lead you to do what’s best – shutting up so she can hear God.
Every meal though. Prayer for her. Every few hours. Prayer for her.
Trust God. His plan. His will.
And trust her. Her future will be more joyful than her present… and she is on the path. 🙂
It’s Not a Frame of Mind 