05/24/2020

This. So much this. Who knew it would come down to some stupid cheesy Marvel comic book movie to put plain as day what God’s plan is…

 Freedom. Choice. The beauty of inalienable rights. The understanding of the world as it is in the consequences for choices each of us as individuals makes. 

And far more importantly, the reason why. He doesn’t want mindless slaves.

You needed to watch The Shack again. Reinforce the peace sustained despitesource of the conflict within you.

You know what the best path is. With every fiber of your being… you know it. But the idea of forcing it on someone defeats the whole purpose and point.

 So ironic.

What do you stand for?

There are a few things on earth that you hate more than abortion. The mere fact that you were put in a position that you had to sacrifice your own child because you had no control over anything and the woman you were with at the time did.

You do your best to try to contain your absolute hatred for that barbaric practice. And guess what happened back in April?

https://www.politico.com/news/2020/04/07/court-backs-texas-pandemic-abortion-ban-citing-emergency-powers-173419

Yup. A Texas judge actually said that constitutional rights can be suspended in a crisis like coronavirus…  including the supposed right to an abortion.

Oh fun… so where do you line up on this one? Truth be told you know where your spirit is. You know where your heart is.

Each stand there in abject betrayal of everything you believe when it comes to the preservation of life like the life that was sacrificed that would’ve been your daughter.

But what is True…  and God forgive you if you’re wrong… Is that inalienable rights cannot be suspended even if in some declaration of an emergency. And while you do not hold true that infanticide is a right… It was wrong for those judges to declare Rights that have been established as nonexistent, just because of an emergency.

That’s one you’re just gonna have to square with your conscience. 

But until then you clearly understand the duality involved. 

……………………….

06/25/2020

So what’s changed since May 24 when this formerly incomplete rant was saved in “drafts”? Lots. Thanks for the fallout that begin from events that would take place the following day.

Well, Far more than literally anyone in North America would ever imagine. A fellow American citizen was literally and brazenly murdered on camera by police while being held down for an extended period of time while handcuffed as police officers taunted him. He pleaded for his life “You’re gonna kill me!” over and over.

In Dallas. On August 10, 2016. His name was Tony Timpa.

Yesterday, the statue of John C. Calhoun in Marion Square was torn down within mere hours of the city placating a mob of proudly ignorant puritanical zealots, Programmed to heat based on what they were told on social media and – if they had the slightest ounce of conscientiousness - a cursory use of CTRL+F.

To say Calhoun was a controversial figure is definitely true. He was controversial when he was alive. Controversial figures from this state are nothing new.

But it is interesting just how much the Overton window has been moved since the days when a committee headed by then Senator John F Kennedy named Calhoun one of the five most outstanding senators in American history. It’s amazing how much it’s moved in the last month.

One would think that we learn from the Salem Witch Trials, but we never did. One would think we would learn from the French Revolution, but no.

And it’s with a tremendous sense of dread you consider the level of forthrightness and desire to be consistent in your views that you look at the current “burn the witch!” state of not just America, but the West at large.

Rather frustrating. When there are riots, the police are unable to respond, and Democrat governors refuse to utilize the national guard because they actually want there to be racial division, you are one of the few conservative voices arguing against the president bringing in the military. The Constitution still means something even if you’re the last one that actually believes in it.

So you basically have two choices… Turn your back on what you claim to believe in, or stand there and die as terrorists destroy your country from within. There is that third option, and honestly it’s been the right path all along – but you just don’t know realistically where it fits in.

Try to be consistent with the one thing that’s more important than the Constitution. Let God lead you in what you believe to be right.

Because there is no rule of law anymore. If there is no rule of law, you can’t pretend otherwise. The bottom line is that George Floyd’s horrific murder was absolutely no worse than Tony Timpa’s was. And yet it was the kick off of what can only be described as a Marxist coup to destroy freedom of speech, freedom of thought, rule of law, all through the Trojan Horse of “social justice”.

When those nine people were killed at Emmanuel Church, you mourned with your fellow citizens. It was heartfelt, and meaningful because everyone came together in spite of differences of opinion over one thing or another. And that goodwill was quickly abused by elements that site to cash in those nine lives to enact a political agenda.

What has happened in the last month is absolutely no different. No one cares about 70% out of wedlock births. Or 13% of the population committing 52% of the crime. 67 people shot and 14 killed in Chicago last weekend.

Your history and ultimately your freedom of thought itself are the scapegoats for legions of “activists” to avoid having to address embarrassing problems that are the root cause of the pain that African Americans suffer from in this country.  

The good news is after the events of the last month, you know you will never ever become racist, no matter how hell-bent it seems like they are in trying to make you one in your heart. But the bad news is you are now living in the world of the French-Revolution-Meets-George-Orwell. 

And you really, really need to embrace God with all you have, because there are a great number of people right now who you’d be fine with meeting death en-masse – and that’s not who you are. That’s who they are. They who have given themselves over to darkness that you can see clearly now… that you would’ve rolled your eyes at the thought of three years ago. 

Do you honestly don’t know what to do because this stuff does make you tremendously angry. People you once considered good friends have bought into this crap, and if you were attacked and beaten by someone of a different skin color and they were only told your race and gender you wonder if they would excuse it on the basis of “well it’s okay because social justice”.

Screw it. All Lives Matter – because THEY DO. And anyone that would have a problem with that ultimately has a problem with you.

Do not be burdened with having to have empathy for someone who has absolutely no empathy for you. Love them as Jesus would love them – the real Jesus – who though He loved them had absolutely no use for self-righteousness or fools.

An interesting verse you read somewhat recently in Proverbs is 26:4 “Answer not a fool according to his folly, lest you become like him yourself.” A bit confusing when you see the next one “Answer a fool according to his folly, lest he be wise in his own eyes”.

Basically… don’t play the games of fools. It reinforces to them that their games are wise and justified when they aren’t.

All Lives Matter. The second this notion is taken away from reveals a game being played that says that George Floyd’s death was worse than Tony Timpa’s when it was equally wrong.

It is exactly what racists believe, and no, it’s not okay Because of past injustice anymore than it was okay in a previously unjust world.

Jesus would love the fool. He died for the fool. He would forgive the fool. But he would be under no obligation to play the games of the fool on the fool’s level.

No one is obligated to interact with anyone who demands respect they refuse to reciprocate. No one. The only one above us is God.

That doesn’t relieve our general obligation to be considerate and compassionate – but if we allow ourselves to be taken advantage of by fools, we are fools ourselves.

We are free. That freedom was bought and paid for in blood over the course of centuries, and the blood of the past will certainly not be the last.

It was the freedom that God wishes us to have. The freedom to follow Him, to live our lives as we see fit, and the freedom to choose what we ultimately believe in. It is the freedom that stands in stark contrast with the Salem witch trials, The French Revolution, and the Marxist utopia sought by those tearing down statues.

There is absolutely nothing wrong with opposing those who would try to take away what God has given you. Be as consistent as you can, but do not expect consistency from your enemies. Discover who you can interact with reasonably, but choose not to play the games of those who would subjugate you the second they had the opportunity.

You owe them nothing but the love Jesus would have for them. And even Jesus wouldn’t put up with this bullshit. 🏴‍☠️

No one you know has a clue what it’s like. Well, you do still actually have one other friend in your life that’s in the same boat, but he’s likely not missing what you’re missing.

Another night alone. You feel in your soul it wasn’t meant to be this way, yet here you are. Certain songs you listen to remind you of just how much time is passed. Certain nights you listen to them make it even worse. 

Aside from your earlier friend, no one that knows you knows what this feels like. It feels like loss. Emptiness. A purpose unfulfilled. Like half of you is missing. A song brings you back to the early 2000s when you were probably the happiest you’ve ever been so far… but wow it sure didn’t feel like it because you didn’t realize what you were missing out on. Literally everyone from those days found someone… but you.

There have been bouts of relationships here and there, but… no. Nothing meaningful. And then fear from to that major decision that would define your life got added onto that and soon enough the musical chairs were all full. Literally. You feel cursed in this regard. Blessed in so many regards… you really are. But this is where it seems to even out.

Every single parking space is taken,  handicapped, or too far away. It’s just not possible. Two years on eharmony for nothing. Absolutely no success with Match other than Crown… if you call that success. You’re cursed.

Either God really has a specific plan for you that you’re not to interfere with or you are fucking cursed. No one knows what this is like. And you are not meant to live life this way.

Flame is not much help. There is no doubt in your mind she is head over heels for you, but the only reason she’s even in the conversation is because she was originally the one… and she left. And now that you have finally had a chance to talk with her about why…. and the answers…? Good Lord….

You are protective of her, you care a great deal for her… and she’s a lot of fun to be around. Goodness though… Why the hell did she ever leave to begin with? 

It’s not like she hasn’t eaten herself up over it. She’s far more miserable with her decision. Broke down in tears the first time you saw her in person on the way back from Ren Fest. She didn’t know how to reconcile her mistakes with the fact that those mistakes brought her three children into this world that the truly loves even more, as well she better.

There’s no future there. You have no role in her life other than to encourage her. She already has decided she’s leaving her marriage when the last of her kids leave. Five years. But it’s just weird. Not the way it ought to be. Strange. Spoke to her about it and she says she understands, but you’re not buying that for a second. If/when you do get into another relationship she’s not going to take it well… but that can’t be your problem.

Crow is Crow. You meant what you said when she asked. Wasn’t the full story but the full story got interrupted by a cracked screen. Probably for the best because that wasn’t the time for it. Your certainty is high, but it’s not as high as it once was… because you just literally cannot understand. If she was the one… you just really cannot understand. In your heart of hearts you have no doubt. But in your mind you just cannot understand. Sure, you understand the logistics… but absolutely nothing else.

And you can’t pretend it doesn’t really bother you deep down. Really grate at you deep in the core of your very being. There’s a dark part of you that’s become beyond resentful at her choices. If she was the one… you just don’t understand how *she* couldn’t see her future with you and want to leap into your arms; or at least get past the cancer in her life that keeps manipulating her.

You could be fine about if you knew she didn’t have feelings for you. But that left hand. That one Sunday night out. If it’s not there it’s not there; no harm no foul. If it is there…. sigh…

There’s more to it than just that and you are – finally, only in the last few months – cognizant of it. She’s always been different, and the normal rules don’t apply to her. Ever since you first saw her picture and admired her passion on G+ you felt something pulling you to reach out to her. And you have no idea where that’s going. But it is strong enough to hold your negativity in check because at the end of the day you care about her more than being with her. At least you damn well better this time.

You’ve only really vented at her one time and that led to a blowup. But that was the part of you talking that was getting in the way… Not the part of that God wants you to be in her life… whatever that is.

You literally could not imagine breaking rules for anyone you’ve ever even wanted to be with. You couldn’t believe the folks were willing to help you see each other more often. Never been that way before. But for her…it’s almost like they were unconsciously into breaking the rules for her too. They feel it. You don’t even usually talk about her often to them but they *know*…

The situation was literally everything you have ever been waiting *forever* for and everything fits perfectly and…….. Damn, you really get the disappointment of Ezra. Doesn’t matter though. Not the way she needs you now, and she gets to break the rules; at least for now.

You really hope someone else will come along, but the odds of that are very slim. There’s just… really… not a lot of women like her.

Besides, you have a whole bunch of problems to fix. You literally have no right letting your new heart run loose until you are a man again. Job. Health. Confidence. No matter who you might be with, they don’t deserve anything less.

As soon as you get there though, you’re not planning on waiting. You just can’t. LOL it’s not like it’s gonna matter though. Cursed.

Match is no help. Sure you’re getting likes but they are from women mostly over 50 that don’t have the passion you’re looking for. 

Whatever. You’re lonely tonight, Thinking about songs you listened to 20 years ago when so many of your friends were finding the loves of their lives. Oh, you got plenty of dates. But they sure as anything weren’t the kind of dates you were looking for. Lol good old AOL instant messenger. Some really crazy dates. Those were the days.

Days you took for granted. Now here you are with a hole in your soul that grows wider every day. And now your health and career get to atrophy too. Fun.

You need to do something. Honestly it doesn’t matter if you start losing money; just to get something to right the ship. This is not good enough for you. It sure as hell not good enough for her, whoever she is.

Time. The only thing we can’t get more of in this life. And there’s too much being wasted on laziness and bad decisions.

Time…

Time…….

Whoever she ends up being… both of you are. Wasting. Your. Time.

So sick of nights like this.



 



Cowardly-ass innovation. Keeps each generation American though, and not speaking some other godforsaken language. It was Admiral Bull Halsey himself whose rage at hearing about Pearl Harbor attacked angrily turned Enterprise into the wind to hunt those six bastard Jap carriers yelling “When this war is over, The Japanese language will only be spoken in Hell…”

Poor Halsey and Enterprise went on a wild goose chase trying to find the carriers in the midst of the battle. That spirit… holy shit, that spirit.

Nevada spirit. Not the state with their bullshit “Battle Born” motto like that state entered the union for any reason other than electoral votes to keep Lincoln in power in the 1864 election…

… The battleship USS Nevada. Japanese planes swarmed hitting every battleship in Port. The Oklahoma capsized and the Arizona’s Magazine went up like the Mighty Hood’s Earlier that year. West Virginia, California, Tennessee, Maryland, and Pennsylvania All severely damaged or sunk. But Nevada was moored at the northern end of battleship row, and while under attack whoever the officer of the deck was had that moment of rage. These 300+ planes were coming from carriers. Six of them. And while her sisters sunk and exploded around her, Nevada’s engines started. Crazy sons of bitches knew Nevada’s big 14 inch guns if they could get within range of those carriers could bring some instant payback and she made speed to get out to sea where she could maneuver. Fuck em. Nevada against that whole damned fleet.

Crazy? No one knew it at the time but those carriers had to make speed and leave their battleships behind. No way Novato would survive, But if her guns could’ve been turned on those vulnerable carriers….. 

Japanese pilots sure knew it, and concentrated on Nevada. And then instantly that moment of rage somehow Withdrew at just the right moment in favor of wisdom. Nevada was still making speed but her bow was sinking. That desire to fuck up the Japanese fleet could cripple the entire war effort if Nevada sink at the entrance to Pearl Harbor and blocked it. Her skipper turned her away from glory and into a beach So she didn’t block the harbor.

She’d find glory though, Long distinguished career including blasting Nazis at Normandy clearing the way for the guys at Omaha beach. She didn’t even want to go; One of the ghost flagships hit by nuclear bombs at bikini atoll after the war, She wouldn’t decide to roll over in sick when she was nuked; took A merciful sub to finish her off.

So yeah thinking about this stuff is who Bull Halsey was. Stand up and fight the bastard. And even though Halsey couldn’t fight and one of those prized battleships, Poor guy was denied even going to sea at Midway.

Midway. Enough miracles had already happened to give the Americans a chance, but more would come.

Akagi, Kaga, Hiryu, and Soryu – Japan’s best four carriers and best four air crews under Admiral Nagumo led a massive Combined fleet of invasion force is for Midway and a massive surface fleet led by the biggest battleship the world would ever see in the Yamato, where are the architect of both Pearl Harbor and Midway – Admiral Yamamoto – flew his flag. Each fleet flanked by numerous cruisers and destroyers… a more powerful fleet on earth would not assemble until america’s production juggernaut started churning out carriers two years later.

Enterprise, Hornet, and Yorktown – Yorktown best described as jury-rugged - Set out northeast of Midway to lay in wait for destiny. Midway Island itself by this point was so packed full of men,  guns, fighters and bombers more than one of the Marines wondered if it would sink.

The two and a half carriers had three kinds of planes: Wildcat fighters, Avenger torpedo bombers, and Dauntless dive bombers. All the bombers in the world wouldn’t really matter if you didn’t have fighter escorts for them to keep the opposing fighters from shooting them down before they could hit their ships. And only one plane could take off at a time. Coordinating waves wasn’t easy. Especially if you were in the mood for some radio silence.

Japanese planes we are a little different but suffice to say the bombers could be outfitted with bombs – The only way to attack land targets… or torpedoes – Best way to hit a ship.

Pretty heavy cloud cover, and everything kicked off when the first wave of air strikes were launched at Midway Island, armed with bombs to destroy the island’s defenses; The Japanese felt it was at their mercy because they thought the American carriers were still at Pearl Harbor. Diversionary hit on the Aleutian Islands in Alaska was meant to draw the Americans offguard somewhat but didn’t really accomplish much other than the answer to the trivia question of what is the only American soil occupied in that war.

Midway’s Defenses responded; having a decent amount of luck sending off the first bombing wave, but it’s bigger bombers having no luck with the Japanese fleet. But it was then that an American scout plane found Nagumo’s carriers and the game was afoot.

The first wave of American aircraft launched at Nagumo’s force but their disorganized and inferior planes ran straight into the buzz saw of the Japanese fleets fighter cover and were torn to shreds.

Nagumo realized there were too many planes – an American carrier must be in the area. Japan’s cruiser screen sent out the first wave of scouts trying to find the Americans – a dozen fanned out  searching On preselected routes, all but Scout #4, delayed with engine problems.

Another wave of American aircraft sword into the Japanese buzzsaw, but to no avail. But by now Nagumo knew it was not just up against Midway’s defenses but at least one and probably to American carriers. 

They had been lying in wait, while he had counted on them being at Pearl Harbor and only sailing in response.

The ferocity of the second American wave also gave the admiral pause. Bull Halsey would’ve come right at them, and exposed his carriers to risk. One variable wasn’t adding up. Then another. And another. All while on all four of his carriers, his planes were armed with bombs to deal with Midway’s defenses.

The urgency of the matter demanded he replace the bombs on those planes with torpedoes to deal with the American fleet – but that would take time. Half an hour at least – where they wouldn’t be able to attack and would only have their fighter cover up.

The disorganized American waves had done nothing so far and Nagumo’s fighters he felt could protect the carriers from a third. Without his trusted air commander Fuchida to advise him,  he ordered arming the bombers ceased and re-arming them with torpedoes.

There wasn’t much less confusion in the American aircraft. Yet again the wave was coordinated poorly and the fighter cover lost track of the torpedo bombers and dive bombers. All seems to be flying apart at the seams as the low-flying torpedo bombers emerged from the clouds, their mission dead on arrival as the Japanese air cover descended upon them. Alone, with no fighter escort of their own, the 15 brave crews were blown out of the sky.

And then the entire 20th Century changed – As the American dive bombers exited clouds far, far above, with no Japanese fighter cover between them and their targets…. each of the four giant carriers littered with planes on the deck rearming live torpedoes instead of live bombs, As they were hastily being refueled with all the gas tanks on the decks. 

The dauntless dive bombers descended from the heavens at full speed as if they were charging the earth itself… Each lining up the shot To deliver their more reliable bombs on their targets.

A more favorable coincidence in battle has never been recorded at sea. The dive bombers couldn’t fail if they tried. With no fighter cover to worry about they had the time to line up their bombs with only AA flack from the ships themselves. But within just a few minutes, Akagi, Kaga, and Soryu were Hopelessly ablaze as it only took one American bomb to sit off all the ordinance and fuel on the crowded flight decks.

Only Hiryu survived, and even then only long enough to launch one torpedo strike – itself self lucky enough to happen upon the most vulnerable American ship – Yorktown, after following some of the victorious American planes home. Even that wasn’t enough to sink her, but it put her out of action and barely able to reach a decent speed; She would later be happened upon by one of the Japanese screening submarines and finally sunk the next day…

In this moment Japanese admiral Yamaguchi, commanding Hiryu, Was congratulated for evening score, believing it was now one against one, when in fact she was still up against both Enterprise and Hornet. There weren’t many planes left on either side,  but Enterprise’s bombers So below them alone Japanese picket destroyer at full speed and air wing leader McCluskey put two into together and realized the direction it was going with lead them to Hiryu. In less than 20 minutes she would join her three sisters and with that, The cream of the crop of Japan’s fighter aces along with their four best fleet carriers lay below the waves.

Admiral Yamamoto, knowing that the fighters aboard the American carriers were depleted, and he still had his combined fleet and invasion force led by the Yamoto. Though he was tempted to seek to throw the winning thrust by rolling the dice in attacking with little air cover on either side, the wise admiral withdrew.

The U.S. Navy actually began realistically in the late 18th and early 19th centuries with six heavy frigates able to overpower anything they could not run just like the later battle cruisers that Sir Jacky Fisher was so fond of.

But if you ask any US naval historian when the modern US Navy was truly born, the answer is the battle of Midway.

It’s almost pointless to study from an alternate history perspective because of all the “coincidences” and lucky breaks that just so happened favored the Americans – even the ones that didn’t seem like they would at first.

And while Midway cost America the Yorktown, The Japanese threat to Hawaii and for that matter the West Coast ended instantly.

It was Walter Cronkite that Best summed up the Importance of Midway in the  Pacific war –

“Before Midway… the Americans had no real meaningful victory over Japan. After Midway, they would have no meaningful defeats.”

There are too many coincidences at Midway for Midway to be “coincidental” in the slightest.

There is no such thing as luck. Only blessings to be counted. 🙂



You’re with Halsey. Stand up in the line of battle and do battle. From the Mary Rose of Henry VIII to America’s Iowa Class, the Ship of the Line was the rightful queen of the seas. Just the way it ought to be. Sure, screen them with cruisers, frigates, and eventually destroyers; use tactics and surprise, wind and smoke… but be a Knight on the waves and stand tall.

Different countries had to have different approaches though. Brits rules the waves and they had cause for dozens of floating castles bristling with death. Germans and Americans began to catch up as they begin to industrialize.

Then, innovation. Didn’t start out too bad. As with so many things in life there are three options and you can choose two… and ships had to be a mixture of, speed, armor, and guns. Battleships had guns and armor, but commerce raiders were lighter cruisers, and innovation led to the Battle Cruiser – armor of a cruiser with the guns of a battleship, and as fast as the sea is vast.

Always loved the battle cruisers. As with the dreadnoughts of old, designed to be able to outrun anything it can’t outfight, but its purpose was to hunt down commerce raiders – something a battleship never could. Per Brit Jacky Fisher, “speed would be their armor”, against a battleship, but regardless their armor was stout enough to deal with a commerce raiding cruiser’s guns.

But then innovation then became… eh. You can’t condemn the submarine. It was literally invented in Charleston Harbor by desperate men  trying to break a siege of the holy city, and you cannot call a submariner a coward without being a liar. The Hunley sailed three times, sunk three times, and killed three crews, but on the third sortie the third crew did sink one blockading ship. Damn subs anyway.

Then between the wars came the aviation cruisers. To this day, their US designation is CV due to those roots. Lexington and Saratoga were Battle cruisers under construction when a treaty canceled battleship and battle cruiser construction, but they could he finished as aircraft carriers. They were armed with smaller heavy cruiser guns Envied by planes would he used to spot ships for them to engage. Soon as aircraft became more capable, that concept was abandoned and now you had flat tops able to hit targets hundreds of miles away. 

In Nelson’s day you could see the opposing captain. 100 years later in Jellicoe’s day, battleships could hit targets 15 miles away, but they still had to at least see them. No more “stand up and fighting.”, though the world wouldn’t know that for another two decades.…

1942. America’s grand Pacific Fleet battleships lay sunk in harbor while miraculously its three carriers were at sea, spared from Japan’s six carriers and 300 planes. Yamamoto didn’t hit the fuel depots with a third wave, having feared his force could be hit, not knowing where the American carriers were. 

Massive fleets were under construction, but Enterprise, Yorktown and Lexington but only get the reinforcements of Hornet, Wasp, and Saratoga within two years… to hold 1/4 of the planet.

April of that year led to two simultaneous operations: Enterprise and Hornet launching the Doolittle raid, and Lexington and Yorktown at the Battle of the Coral Sea, protecting Port Moresby and ending the Japanese threat to Australia. Tactical loss but strategic victory… Lexington sunk and Yorktown heavily damaged and barely able to make port; even believed sunk by the Japanese.

But that’s when the miracles started in again.

American Navy code breakers broke Japan’s latest code, but no one could prove it until tested. Radio traffic let them know something was up… Yamamoto’s main fleet wasn’t at Coral Sea, but they were out there somewhere. And chatter had it that they were going to hit target “AF”.

Rolling the dice, They put out a message for Midway Island to report they were running out of fresh water, and the Japanese code soon reported that AF was running out of water. 

The brass didn’t believe it, but Admiral Nimitz did. Gathered what he had of a fleet and sent out the word that Yorktown had to somehow be ready to sale in three days, when it needed weeks.

Turns out the Japanese know an awful lot about the Americans too. Yamamoto was preparing to face America’s best – Adm Bull Halsey, still pissed off that he couldn’t fly his flag from a battleship. Japan’s admirals knew about Halsey. Nearly reckless, like a bull in a china shop, or a Patton at sea. Halsey would bite when Midway was hit… and their real goal of lowering out the American fleet and destroying it would be nearly certain.

But it’s not just that the Americans knew about the trap and could lie in wait to spring their own, but their Bull was sidelined by sickness at the last minute; replaced at his request by a cruiser skipper named Spruance who knew cattier tactics - something the Americans were having to learn by doing.

All while Japan would be down the legendary air commander Fuchida, who was responsible for so much of the success at Pearl Harbor – the future devout Christian unable to fly due to appendicitis.

The Japanese sailed on… their element of surprise reversed, them not knowing the more shrewd enemy they’d face, facing three carriers instead of two, and without their greatest bird.

But that’s just where the miracles began at Midway.….

Well if you can’t fight with your beloved battleships, fight with whatever you’ve got.

If it is Just, hold true to your cause – and allow for intervention behind the scenes. Forces under the guidance of Above working for our benefit. One can’t study Midway without seeing them. Coincidence just doesn’t cover it. That so many brilliant Japanese admirals were wrong at the same time while American ships and planes were exactly where they needed to be even though there were so many sacrifices… 

Innovate. Listen to the whispers on the wind telling you to prepare. Even if you don’t want to. Especially if you don’t want to. You might not always have your favorite cards to play.

And if the cause is Just…  fight down to the last man on the last cannon and Something. Good. Is. Going. To. Happen.………….

Template of project management. Emphasis on small business, endeavors to improve the community. Foster stimulation of entrepreneurship, help provide opportunities for empowering success in others. Resources, connections, innovation, cooperation. Risk management? Maybe. Story of learning about actuaries. Step one: they exist and you didn’t know until age 38. What else is out there? What else do you need to do to find what’s out there? Turn the general into the specific. Outline format is the skeleton to your thought process and that is good enough for college but too limited for the real world. Reevaluate how you think. Linear paths and progressions are outstripped by webs of processes linked together in a consciousness both organic and mechanical. Thought on paper is 2 dimensional while thought itself is a cloud that can’t fit into boxes. The differences between spreadsheets and pivot tables. “What do you want to be?” is meaningless compared to “what do you want to do?” Special projects. Timelines for success. Temporary does not mean guaranteed, which means  lower security. More planning and financial literacy management can compensate for much. Thinking outside the box means not having the protection of the box. Risk/reward. What makes up the difference? Confidence. Requires competency. A different job every six months? How do you build competency? Thought. Be more dynamic.

Wise man built his house upon the rock while the foolish man builds his house upon the sand. But a wise man can build his house on the sand if the girders reach down far enough to hit bedrock, otherwise no coastal skyscrapers. Building a future based on stability or building a future based on adaptability? Stability is comfort. Assurance. But has become static. Stuck in a rut. The beautiful perfect castle with withstands every trebuchet hit one day pulverized by cannons. 

Reinvention. Adaptation. Comfort with temporary failure. Change. Could your future be nestled in all of the things that scare you?  Unions are corporations for Labor instead of Capital. Price of Labor determined by Willingness to Pay and Willingness to Accept as informed by supply and demand. Labor and capital are commodities. External adaptations to the market become part of the market; that’s why the market always wins. 

1) Be brief, but concise

2) career shift will involve working on the general and turning it into the specific.

3) Today’s Goal – “what’s out there?”

– given current health situation how can I best use my time to prepare for an eventual shift?

– when I am ready what is the best way to learn about various specific career paths and how to discern them amongst the organized career paths you are somewhat familiar with?

– interests are in building and innovating.

> project management with small business, what’s out there?

> dad created his first economic development position by recommendation to superiors to assist with chamber of commerce. Job description,  requirements, salary. Creation. innovation. Brainstorm turned into a job everyone liked and he himself then expressed interest in. requested three-year contract to hedge against failure. Position merged with co-ops, adapted to change and mergers to form corner stone of large scale economic development projects benefiting rural areas of State. Went to college on 4H scholarship from raising pigs becomes executive VP.

Not as good as dad. Still make him proud. Don’t have to be as good. Thinking spreadsheet not pivot table again.  North Carolina fan. Goodness added to world is always goodness added to world. Cooperation not competition. Worry about being as good as you can rather than being as good as others. Maximize resources focusing on effectiveness instead of efficiency. Build upon strengths instead of shoring up weaknesses; cooperate with others that have different strengths and weaknesses and yet do the same with theirs. Complement and cooperate. Strengths are customer service, desire to create. Desire to be dynamic.  Data entry and organization strengths in short run but not long run. Ethical. Others. So many others. Can’t remember. Humility exceeds arrogance too fast. So now weaknesses. Cognitive temporary. Attention Span sporadic. Frozen between desire for dynamism and need for stability. Lack of familiarity with processes because of reliance on late 90s early 2000s stagnation. Fear.

Of so many things.

Cycle must end. Duality. Irony. Seek wisdom from the words of one you despise. How better to destroy my enemies then to turn them into my friends? Fear is powerful. Turn fear into an ally. Vested interests. A whole New World if you can bring back the confidence you walled off.

You’ll never be as good as dad. But dad’s faith in you is part of him. Don’t try to be as good as dad. Try to make dad even better by adding to what he’s done. How could you be as good as dad if who you are is because of him? The good that you do you owe to him. Dumb windmill to charge. So add. Cooperate. Innovate. Build a house on sand with deep girders that tie into the core which must not change. There’s your Stability. But at the top of the girders what changes adapts and evolves because it must to survive.

Future may be nestled in Briarpatch of fear. Sink or swim. Hedge against risk by wise decisions made concurrently not hiding in a castle slowly being surrounded by cannons.

Thought is not two dimensional. Learn how to use pivot tables. 

Dates Northern States formally abolished slavery:

CT: 1848

DE: 1865

IL: 1848

IN: 1820

IA: 1838-1840

KY: 1865

MD: 1865

MA: 1865

MO: 1865

NH: 1857

NJ: 1865

NY: 1827

OH: 1802

PA: 1780

RI: 1842

WV: 1865

Entered union as free State / Dates of abolition in territory:

ME: 1820

MI: 1835

MN: 1858

OR: 1844

VT: 1777

WI: 1848

Source: Personal research.

When you spend over an hour on your thoughts only to try to discard a change because of a typo and the site to mysteriously and completely delete what you’ve been pouring thought into.

Or is it just more likely you can’t hit the right buttons because your brain is still messed up and you hit discard post because you thought it was discard changes? 

How can you even know anymore?  How can you live like this?  Oh sure everyone makes mistakes… And if your life ambitions were to work at Chick-fil-A and not take a job where you actually seriously help other people for a living, it’d be fine.

But you need more. Fine little tight rope you have here. Taking the frustration and channeling it to constructive purposes in such a way where you don’t use it to beat yourself up and get to be more depressed than you already are.

You’re not really sure how much of a chance you gave the sleep shift thing, but whether or not it works, it’s not working right now so find something that will.  Self discipline. Getting up at the same time. Getting into a regimen of a schedule, even if it’s just to sit around and do stuff you want to do.

You try to stimulate your brain with 17-year-old video games, but you use the same strategies as you did during the GWB administration. Shit, you know what? If you’re pissing away all your time… Make a schedule for pissing away your time and hold to it. Why not try that?

Dad gave you another contact. Friend of his at a tech school to talk to you about career things. You haven’t emailed them yet because of pride… as if pride was gonna help you find anything in life after making the same damn mistakes over and over.

Whatevs. Pat yourself on the back for the things that you are doing right. Eating healthier. Small can of veggies with every supper. 10,000 steps at least three times a week. Two months – longer than ever while living alone – without once watching filth. You’d never even accomplished that when you tried to focus all your thoughts on one woman; you eventually broke down and tried to find someone that resembled her and later fell back in the habit. But now there can’t be turning back. Things are just… getting better. You can feel it. Maybe one day you’ll even be attracted to someone that likes you on Match. Your research tells you that’ll take more time though. If you keep getting in shape, who knows… you might be able to live up to responsibilities you refuse to fail at. Let’s face it… It’s not like God doesn’t want you to knock her socks off. He wants you to be able to make her happy. And now… you have given yourself a streak to maintain. Curse your fucking flaws. Whatever… be thankful they’re not worse. 🤔

Going to church every Sunday morning has been really easy, and you have a good reason to do so knowing that you were sharing it with someone who really appreciates it. Even if things get back to normal it still needs to be streamed on YouTube. If they decide they don’t need to do that maybe you can convince them to let you learn how to do it for them. 

Build. Create. For once in your life you have time. Yes you will screw up and accidentally hit discard. It’s okay. You hate making mistakes for many reasons, but an unhealthy one is pride. And yeah it’s really tough to learn right now. You even got confused trying to learn how to clean the stupid gun. Frustrated. Put it off to the side for later.

It’s alright. One step at a time. One area of your life at a time will make things better across-the-board. You’ve kept the mask on when you’ve made it to bed, but with very little to do during the day you sleep so easily.

Whoever she is, wherever she is, she wants you to succeed. Needs you to succeed. Please don’t let yourself die alone. And please don’t settle. That would only lead to resentment, and you really want to share with life with someone and make her the most special woman in the world.

Don’t let anger and frustration consume you anymore. Let God lead you in the direction He wants. Such an easy thing to say and such a hard thing to do. 

Now go to bed so you can be awake for church. And thank God that you finally have someone special to share it with.

Rights. Rights. Rights.

Whatever happened to Road Trips? You used to love the open road. Driving here, there; visiting far-flung friends. Often gaming. Or visiting the folks. Or once in a blue moon visiting a date because the laws of the universe forbid you from ever having a normal relationship with a woman that lived anywhere near you.

Pretty much since the moment you got car keys you LOVED going anywhere. Everywhere. You and two friends heading the 2 hrs to Myrtle Beach because y’all were in the mood for Johnny Rockets.

Fighting insomnia in college by learning the roads of Charleston firsthand at 3 am listening to Diana Ross and Billy Joel. In the mid-90s no less when both were out of style. You rebel. 🤣

Fighting depression over a girl you liked during Christmas break ’97 by finding out where I-77 went. LOL your poetic BS… it happened led to the redhead you’d dated freshman year that was in Cleveland and was happy to help you get past her.

LOL volunteering earlier to drive said girl all the way to Atlanta for Halloween because she was a freshman and didn’t have a car and really wanted to go home. Really kind since you had to work the next day and couldn’t spend Halloween there with her. Five ours there and back. But damn you loved driving. 😊

And then there was the epic road trip of road trips in 2002 – Getting everything ready and picking up your then-girlfriend up from work at 5pm… picking some stuff up at the apartment and heading north… needing to be in Buffalo New York in a specific church pew (That you would have to locate in an age before Smart phones) the next day at 12 noon. You could allow yourself one hour of sleep in a West Virginia motel room. No of course she couldn’t split time; You could never date a girl that has a car.

Even now looking back at it you still have no idea how you pulled it off; The two of you walking in to the wedding just before the bride came down the aisle. Sleep was pretty good that night. At least you picked up another friend there and could split time driving on the way back.

LOL your baby Cougar was sick so you had to rent a car and picked a convertible Sebring. Thought it would be neat to have a convertible for a weekend. And somehow you literally drove from Charleston to Buffalo literally all night somehow never getting out of the apparently America-wide downpour.

You just miss those days. Now you’re just older and wiser and can’t justify driving 2 hours to Columbia to visit the barber that you had for 20 years anymore lolz.

And like so many things, they’re no fun alone. Outside of visiting friends in Lancaster or maybe some in Columbia, The road trips just are too far out these days. Because if you go somewhere it has to be to see someone. What? Are you going to go to Myrtle Beach and take in a pirate show by yourself?

Nothing is stopping you from getting in your car and heading to Charlotte to visit one of those spiffy high-end malls… well… but money. And yeah you could spend the money if you had somewhere to crash, but…  there’s just that feeling…

That feeling of bliss and contentment driving home late at night in the Cougar with the windows down… The cold air whipping by at 80 miles an hour having had a great time just going somewhere and spending some time with someone you cared about.

Mentally preparing to be alone again? Almost definitely. Well sometimes you talked to God. A lot of other times you formulated D&D adventures. But there was always that common thread… you under the open sky late at night with few cars on the road always with a sense of contentment. The cooler the air, the better. And when it actually was winter time you just turned the floor heat on full blast lolz.

You have lived alone for the overwhelming majority of your adult life and even when you were a kid you were an only child and for the most part played by yourself. Wow yeah since you left high school, you have had roommates for a grand total of about seven years… out of 25. Three of those were living in the dorms.

But there at least just used to be the days when you can ask someone if they want to just go somewhere for the day. The smooth meditation driving was a more than adequate substitute, But you always came back to an empty place.

You lament this stuff, but where would you like to go? Let’s hear it. You could visit some friends in Greenville. Some in  Lancaster. Columbia. You could probably even do another road trip to good old Reston Virginia; see your friend up there. What? You’ve been bitching to yourself for about an hour about wanting to drive and now that you stop and think you don’t want to drive?

No… You know what the deal is. you are ashamed of your current circumstances you don’t want to be around so many of the friends you have known and respected for so long. You’ve gone through that before. It seemed like a much longer period of time that it was in retrospect. And yeah sure don’t beat yourself up over medical issues you can’t control at this point… but just take stock of what that is – pride. The bad kind, if it keeps you from spending time with people you love and care about.

Bottom line is you need purpose in life, and until you are independent again you don’t have the means. You hate being a burden (good) as much as you hate even feeling looked down on (bad).

Hell right now you can’t even go camping and sleep overnight without a massive extension cord for the stupid machine. Waiting sucks. Going solo through the adventure of life sucks.

You know all those roads. Been up and down them more than you could even imagine imagining. What you might just crave…is new experiences on them.

Don’t let it turn you bitter though. All those late night songs heading home in the Cougar bathed in moonlight going 80 made you feel… like you. Then you felt bad because you knew… there was someone out there that was really missing out. 

That’s what you need to find again. 🙂

Sell some stuff. Go somewhere. You need to. Bring a God. 😂

You like you. Something is telling you you need to remember why. Which means something is bothering you on a level you’re not perceiving. Even if you know what it is. 🤔

You’re not lost; but there’s no reason not to at least get out. You always came back happier. 🙂 This period of your life won’t be short… but like the last one, it will feel much longer than it actually is. Take heart in that. And it could always be worse, lolz…

 



You stood there as almost all the members of Dad’s side of your small family woke up to assemble. You were ‘on watch’, waiting for the inevitable. Grandmama was already never going to wake up again, but her heart was going to pretend otherwise long enough for everybody to arrive. Different groups slept in different areas thanks to sibling rivalries that wouldn’t even take a break to mourn one woman that everyone loved, but that’s just life.

That tiny little room was loud. Oxygen machine that was apparently powered by a chainsaw hooked up to her made it tough to even talk in that room. But you still knew the look on the nurses face when she turned to you after it had started beeping when she said “it’s time”.

Straight to Dad and the two words repeated. Mom. Lana. Heather. Lauren. And so on. Everyone woke up quickly enough because it’s not like anyone was really sleeping despite being three days in. The loud machine noise. The beeps becoming more sporadic. When everyone was in the room the nurse turned it off and reached down to hold her right hand. Someone else held her left though you’ve forgotten who. The nurse held the right hand with both of hers to provide warmth and human contact to know when the pulse had retired.

It feels like that is a moment that ought to have lasted an eternity but it wasn’t very long at all. At most 5 to 10 minutes. The nurse was far more professional than empathetic, and you have to admit that for some reason that actually helped. You were close enough to hear her over the machine “that’s it”… Or something like that. Could barely hear her. No “sorry for your loss”; Just a professional – though still very human - Delivery Of the news you all had expected four weeks in general and days now in specific, before Moving off to the side to make room as she stepped over to the machine that you couldn’t imagine this room without now. The transition of a loved one from alive to dead had no effect on you because you couldn’t tell due to her coma.

But it was then that the moment happened you will never forget. it’s not like anyone knew what to say even if they could say anything, But then the nurse reached over and turned off the oxygen to grandma’s now corpse.

Absolute deafening rumble instantly became absolute deafening silence. With but one exception.

It was a high-end hospice nursing home room with generic Decor, and with the rumbling of the oxygen machine finally silenced a sound that had been there all along obscured by it.

Tick. Tick. Tick Tock. The faint sound blared nonetheless in the utter silence of a little white wall clock.

There are occasionally moments where you realize truths in life in very easy to understand ways… And then there are the moments when reality flexes its muscles and hits you as hard as it can right between the eyes.

It had been there all along. You couldn’t hear it because of the man-made efforts to prolong her life, But then it came fullbore into your consciousness.

Tick. Tock. Tick. Tock.

You didn’t feel bad for grandmama in the slightest. Long, good life. Sure a bad marriage to a wife-beating bastard before she finally kicked him to the curb, but two wonderful children and two wonderful grandchildren – three if you count yourself, lol. You don’t remember ever seeing her face not smiling. And she died in peace in her late 80s surrounded by her loved ones.

So what about you? Tick. What plans do you have for the second half of your life? Tock. You beat yourself up constantly feeling as if you haven’t come anywhere close to living the kind of life you could have lived. Tick. But as you look around at people leaping into mistakes you didn’t make you think your lucky stars sometimes you are here and not somewhere far worse. Tock.

Ironic that one of the wisest takes on the concept of time you got from one of the lesser beloved Star Trek movies where Picard describes time not as an enemy, but a companion that we take along the way  of our journey through life. As you actually grow a beard for the first time you see so many ‘blonde’ hairs and try to take your own advice for once.

You hear the Tick and the Tock. Here now your life is in stasis as your next steps and challenges are decided for you by people hundreds of miles away… take heart in the bad decisions you didn’t make every time you limit the good decisions you missed out on.

Every single thing is a product of the journey that you have taken through life. Sure you could’ve done better.  Could have done worse. But you are who you are because of the decisions that you have made one way or another. Your experiences have made you who you are… and growing older and wiser teaches you that you need to be…more… now.

Because… it’s time. 🙂

And while Time has now begun to tap you on the shoulder like the slave once did to the victorious Roman general… it is not a reminder of regret… but so you cherish each moment as best you can, so that when all is said and done… The time you have spent here on this world will have had meaning. And so long as there was one person whose life has been improved by you being in it… it will. 🙂🙏🕊