Fork.

What do you believe in? Light? Happiness? Joy? Being there for others? Taking responsibility for your actions? Things you know God wants you to be. Generally it’s easy to know because they require more effort than the things you’d want for yourself.

As for others, you have zero control over their actions; and that’s as it ought to be. And then, every once in a blue moon, you get outright blindsided by something.

You gave the Celt and her daughter a place to stay. Wasn’t easy, but you were happy to help. You’ve needed help before and others helped you, and she didn’t have anywhere realistically to go. There’s places she could stay, but nowhere she could actually live until she got her situation together.

And now, she’s pregnant. Out of nowhere. Not yours, of course. Married businessman she once had a relationship with long ago, rekindled out of nowhere ironically not long after your own Flame found you. Infidelity would cost him everything. Apparently he’s just off the hook.

And now…..that……. question.

She has no job. No more savings. No home of her own. She’s not in the right place in any way. The father can’t do anything to help without endangering his livelihood and family. She’s already struggling to take care of her seven-year-old daughter. The only friends and family she has… are likely thinking along the same processes.

You might be the only Voice she knows to advocate for that young life.

And if she chooses life, you’d be insane to think you would not be volunteering for some semblance of responsibility.

You’re not even romantically inclined with her. It’s not your kid. It’s none of your business. You were just trying to be nice and help out a friend by giving her a place to stay until she got back into work. Even her first daughter she had as part of a “coparenting” deal, not a marriage.

That became giving a place to her daughter too. Now this? With everything else in your life that’s going on now?

Crow would think you’re crazy. But this is who you are and what you stand for. You don’t know what to do. You’re not even certain how much of this is actually going to affect you. But you care for others.

Best case? She gets a job quick and is able to pay rent until she gets her own place quick as she can.

Worst case? You actually finally get to be sort of a father. Something you have wanted your whole life.

This is who you are and what that means.

But for your own sake… ensuring your legal protection is in order.

After that… let’s see what life is going to throw at you next…

Fork.

Whatever.

Bring whatever you got. 2019 is the forking time… 😊

25

It is taking its toll. On your health. The time you have left. The body you have that will one day become a prison. The slings and arrows of life. Ironic isn’t it that sometimes those of death seem preferable to some?

Some people believe the key when reaching this understanding is to blaze away their lives in glory. Pack as much as they can into what they have left.

Others seek to maximize every minute. Eat healthy, stay healthy, live healthy.

So what’s best? On one hand, you really guess it comes down to whether or not someone has children. So if no kids, go crazy?

Think like you were taught to think in college – the last time you actually were as smart as you thought you were…

Maximum revenue when factoring in taxation, cost, or any two components – balance.

9 x 1

…8 x 2

……7 x 3

………6 x 4

…………5 x 5

………4 x 6

……3 x 7

…2 x 8

1 x 9

If you want the most, it’s balance and 25.

In all things, balance yields the most benefit. Seeking to maximize the joy in one’s life and maximize the life one can be joyous.

So how do you do that? Balance.

By grounding yourself into something more important than just you, and holding true to it. What’s fascinating is that you will soon find that the numbers…. change…

Then at some point you’ll discover that 7 x 3 slowly becomes 8 x 4… because of the prosperity of being grounded in the light.

Seems boring, doesn’t it? It’s not. It’s sustainable Joy. It doesn’t have the rush of being Cinderella… but true meaning and fulfillment mean so much more in the long run.

Just like avoiding sugar, your taste buds slowly adjust and vegetables taste better… avoiding the darkness makes the light even warmer.

The Crow felt emptiness in her journey after taking a skewed detour down roads she has already been down and abandoned for good reason.

You truly want to be closer to her. Now, that there is finally a tinge of some familiar, unexplained feeling twinkling like a distant star from the far northwest…

But she is keeping quiet. You know why. She said she’s going to be talking to a Catholic priest about God. Mind-bogglingly good news, despite how bizarre it seems. 🤔

How you wish she could sit down with Marshall from your church. Or Dean. Or Lizzie. Not you though. You had your chance. 😔

Doesn’t matter. You still have to be prepared. Armored. Damn, you wish you could’ve done more.

But you became unbalanced. 25, Atreyu. 5 x 5. You’re just not getting enough out of 8 x 2.

All you’re getting is 160 / 100. And freaking idiot it’s time you actually start caring about that kind of stuff.

Sustainable Joy. 25. Then make both numbers bigger. And add them to someone else’s if you ever find…well, forget that part.

You’re past halfway to the grave.

Please learn balance before it’s too late.

It’s not your fault.

You can hide. You can stew. You can find other things to fixate on.

But you’re still in love with her. And there is a reason why things are happening even now. Despite the frustration, anger, and worse… you still love her.

July 7th, 2019 was the happiest day you have had since the day you walked across the Cistern. Twenty-Five years to the day since your first date with the Flame, just being with the Crow, finally taking her on that date you’d waited for so long…

It was nothing – nothing – short of magical. You just cannot comprehend how things turned out, beginning two weeks after you got home. Even as you saw it coming yet again.

Since then… something changed. That unique connection you couldn’t explain… gone. You ‘feel’ (‘sense’?) nothing from up there anymore. Maybe it’s just dormant. Maybe not. And honestly that’s fine.

You don’t know what to make of the experience that Tuesday night a month or so ago when praying. But that and the Celt’s words are why you still remain.

Damn, you need a release. Keeping it bottled up… is taking a toll.

For now… just be there, Atreyu. Just be there. And Trust in His Words that spoke to you that night.

Be there for her. But leave her be. Until she can remember what makes her so beautiful, it’s just for the best…