So tired of the world spinning. Mind being thrown in so many different directions. Taking on too much with those you care about. Then having to worry about protecting yourself from your actions coming back to hurt you. So many things to keep track of. So much turbulence in this storm. Can’t even remember all the things you need to be thankful for. So much coming to the surface all at once. A week and a half without the stability of work to be able to focus on getting your feet on the ground.
Take a deep breath.
Another.
And another.
You have anxiety and fear across-the-board for so many and you’re not used to incorporating that away to be able to deal with the anxiety and fear in your own life.
Not until all the voices and all the sounds and all the music rages in your head all at once. Your eyes dart back-and-forth as you try to process it all.
It’s not that complicated but your mind deep down thinks it is. Your subconscious has always been a huge nemesis. You don’t understand the way it thinks and it doesn’t get how you think. You desperately desire to be simpler than you are, when the truth is anything but.
Complex processes, interpretations of various vested interests, interactions of different people with wildly different personalities, and you try to reign them all in with a mask of simplicity and caring you’ve tried to make your own self into.
No, that’s being too hard. You know exactly who you are; that’s not a problem. You’re just scrambled. Truth be told you and the subconscious aren’t usually at odds that much, so when you are, you do get scrambled easily.
You’re not used to not caring. This is uncharted territory. You don’t like being here which is why you came up with rule three. You’ll be fine in time, but only because rule three makes you put up walls before the damage becomes permanent. And you are really, really scared to take stock of the damage you’ve suffered lately – even to yourself.
You need to get back into alignment. That means going straight to Him. Truth be told right now you don’t feel that bright warmth in your heart. And honestly you could care less. You only prayed today because deep down you know that means you’re not well.
Fucking subconscious is closer to Him than you are. You have a plank in your eye. Take your time to get it out. You are no good to try to leap beyond yourself right now. Bottled up rage boils in your heart, slowly simmering to the surface.
No one needs to see that.
Trust in Him. Let Him guide you to peace. Understand where you are. Seek out Class. Grace. Humility. Wisdom. Peace.
And Serenity…
God, grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change,
the courage to change the things I can,
and the wisdom to know the difference.
Living one day at a time,
enjoying one moment at a time;
accepting hardship as a pathway to peace;
taking, as Jesus did,
this sinful world as it is,
not as I would have it;
trusting that You will make all things right
if I surrender to Your will;
so that I may be reasonably happy in this life
and supremely happy with You forever in the next.
Amen.
…..and forgive my arrogance at feeling like my problems are anything but blessings compared to the problems so many others face in their lives….. 🙏
It’s Not a Frame of Mind 