…and shut up. Yeah, you detect something. Good for you. She’s only screaming it as loud as she can without saying anything. Wow, you’re a veritable mind reader, lolz.

Look – The truth is that you really do mean what you’ve said to her. You want her to find herself. Work on herself without some guy causing problems for her. “Be single and find wisdom.” And yeah, you were right.

Well here it is, so shut the eff up. Be her friend, because by your own admission… anything else is what you want her to avoid…

Yeah, yeah your heart, blah blah. Truth of the matter is if you are to ever have something with her, you want it to be for The Duration – not just ‘another guy’. The only way that can ever happen is if she goes through this growth that she needs.

Selfish jackass. Yeah you want to have it on your terms because you trust yourself, know you care for her, and know the goodness that fills your soul and bursts out of your smile.

Yeah you’ve just got God’s love just bursting out of your eyes, smile, and asshole. Good for you! 😇

Well guess what, genius… the girl don’t work the way you work, and despite naïve dreams, this is just not going to work with you showing her your world and her magically inspired to share your path.

I mean she’s doing what you want her to do – be single. So just shut up. Yeah, yeah, after two weeks ago? What you shared??? (clumsy as it was on your part after so long)… Your heart was going to spin.

Aaaand…okay. It’s good and spun, and even Ray Charles can read the tea leaves right now. So stop thinking about your damn self.

Be there for her the way she needs you to be. She knows how you feel. You can tell she still enjoys your company. She’s not upset at you, so stop being paranoid and keep it that way.

What she doesn’t need… is romantic bullshit. Yours or anyone else’s.

You told her your biggest fear was losing her. And that’s true. But probably not in the way she thinks.

You love who she is. And you’re really terrified she’s going to change. Outgrow you in some way. I mean this is “going into the hardwiring” stuff…

The ultimate paradox, lolz… The one thing you know deep down she needs most – to grow and find herself – scares you the most.

Well guess what… Time to find out if you’re full of shit or not.

Your feelings for her supposedly transcend simple romantic love. You see her as family. What she calls a soul group. Her happiness is more important to you than your own.

So be there for her; what she needs. At the very least don’t be what doesn’t freaking help, lolz 😂

Yeah you want to be with her, but you know that if she somehow chose to be with you without choosing to be single for a while…. it’d be doomed.

And maybe she’ll grow in a different direction and you won’t have a chance anyway. So suck it up.

You’ve already told her how annoying it is to hear her say “I have to do things my way”…

…But this time she is absolutely right and screw you if you can’t see it.

Be family for her. Not some whiny guy that even in passing could remind her of the one she just left.

You say you want her to have a good man. So prove it.

She won’t forget your feelings. Stop reminding her. She needs you in a different way now. Maybe forever. But at least for now.

Have faith in her. In the good woman you know her to be. That’s what she needs right now. Not your baggage.

Stand with her.

Trust her.

And most of all… Don’t let her down. 🙂

Learn from your own words that you left for her. You meant them for her no matter what you would ever be to her, even if nothing at all.

Now man your post.

Dismissed.

Two very dear friends having birthdays today. Both of them you’ve known since college. They’re great; lifelong friends. They’ve actually even met once or twice…

It’s raining shit on most everyone else you seem to care about though…

Lucky Donielle and Matt. 🙂

And you… you can be there for everyone else… and today that’s better than the alternative… 🤔

They just seem off.

Mood seems off.

Feelings seem off.

Wrong season to hike.

Wrong weekend to rest.

Wrong time to stagnate.

Church is being renovated; no desire to meet in a high school cafeteria.

Really could use His counsel though.

Feeling so distant from those I want to be close to.

Feeling too close to what I want to be distant from.

Miss her so much.

Have no right to.

Have to just shut up and hope.

Dislike shutting up; Hate having to hope.

Been missing Outside for a while. Didn’t go as much this spring.

Yosemite theme from Star Trek V mixes with sounds of rushing streams and cool breezes walking on solid boulders of Table Rock.

High is 90 with scattered thunderstorms Saturday. There goes that.

Folks want to help me paint inside my house. Please not now though. Need the weekend for peace.

Realignment.

Go back to acupuncture? Consider heading back to yoga? Those work over time.

Impatient.

You’re being impatient.

You have every right to be.

But there’s nothing there that will help you with that mindset now, is there?

Is there?

Good things come. Not on their own, but they come.

Mind doesn’t know what to do. So Soul is in charge for a while.

Great. Naivety replaces Fear.

You fear for her. Yet again.

Don’t know why. Yet again.

Deal with it. Soul’s in charge.

https://youtu.be/_PRxN-KNqLs

Creative endeavors are so often the most fruitful ones.

The skies are bright today.

But as yesterday proved that can change very quickly.

Thoughts are scattered all over.

Anxiety over something but not certain what.

Bill cuddled last night heavily. Only way he really knows how. Senses something from me. Just had vacation but I need another one so bad. Or just a change of scenery.

Warmth of the Seabreeze.

Wind in the hair.

Absolute freedom before me.

Just a pulled muscle in the soul; Nothing to worry about in the longrun. Would be wonderful to have the afternoon off though.

Just so wonderful.

Sometime soon.

Mind needs rest. Let the soul take a few shifts. It’s just a pulled muscle.

The mind really needs rest.



No it’s not just one night. 🤔 There are definitely some disconnects…. but oddly enough… while occasionally annoying they seem to define much about your interactions with each other.

As you slowly sail closer together, you see at least one potential disconnect on both sides… but each seems… like it might be part of what makes you appeal to each other. Well, a guy can hope, right? 😊

You just can’t read her. At least not at distance. I mean you understand general thoughts, definitely pick up on strong emotions, but you really do have difficulty looking past the obvious with her. Maybe that’s one of the reasons why you find her so mysterious. 🤔

But part of the problem with being the Crow is that to an outside observer, all manner of things are possible, and for someone kind of heart, this inevitably brings concern.

But… all things considered that’s…. maybe not a bad thing….

Honestly that kind of concern is something that has tormented you in the past. Being at home trying to stay distracted while someone you care about is out, in your mind at least not caring about the worry that you’re having for them.

She doesn’t know about the baggage regarding that and that’s for the best. Besides… the Man upstairs has a way of making you confront your pain to conquer it, so it doesn’t scar you in the future as it has in the past. So salute this old tormentor on the field of battle with the intent of vanquishing it.

The Crow knows your heart. So if you can’t read her you can take comfort in knowing that she can read you.

But therein lies the irony…..

It’s very possible she has her own shortcoming… as time goes on you’re really starting to think…

Maybe… she really doesn’t understand you. 🤔

Not just a good man in the way a good man believes and behaves. Her dad was a good man, so it’s not like she doesn’t have experience being around them.

But at the end of the day it doesn’t really seem like she truly understands much more than the simple things when it comes to you. (Good thing there’s not much more lol…) Sure she knows the obvious stuff, but… on many occasions her actions really did not bring forth responses she was expecting.

And she is wise enough to know that you’re not the kind of person that’s pushover at the end of the day no matter how strongly they feel for someone. You’ve told her of a few instances where you’d placed a Rubicon in front of her without telling her that she unexpectedly turned at the last second and unknowingly avoided crossing.

She really doesn’t understand the joy in your heart. She’s marveled at it more than once which deep down made you even more giddy truth be told. 🤣

Part of you feels like she is still shocked by the fact that you’re still around. Maybe she thinks you are a pushover… but… no, you don’t think so…

Oh there’s no doubt that anyone could be pushed away if they have a strong sense of self-respect like you in fact do… but it’s just unlikely that she would push you to that point given the sort of person she is.

Still it is interesting… 🤔

There’s no way she would believe that you still don’t consider yourself a “sure thing” for her given the vastness of your feelings for her. That while you wait for her… and make plain to her your intentions… she actually could still lose you.

And even if she did believe it, she probably would not believe how. One way would be for her to drop everything and come to you – though not something you’re worried about – because you actually are serious when you say she needs to heal.

Lol and to be honest, you don’t have a plan for that… 🤣

If and when she meets the folks she will likely understand you a lot more. But she really doesn’t understand at the end of the day what really makes you tick.

Maybe because you’re just from two different worlds. Maybe because the world has bent her into negativity so harshly, positivity as a default might seem alien.

Meh… hopefully that changes one day.

She’s both kicked you in the teeth and warmed your very soul many times – each without even meaning to, almost to the point where you’re used to it.

Maybe that’s why you have become more and more comfortable being unable to read her…

Or maybe you’re just as blind as ever, and she gets you in ways you could never comprehend. 🤔

Feel that heart beat, Atreyu. Didn’t used to be that strong. Not in decades and Not until her. This is one of those disconnects that makes things so irresistible to you. Hopefully in someway to her as well, but definitely to you.

She knows she put some fear into you tonight. She also knows that you want her to be happy and trust her in every way – but the one she asked you not to…

…Which ironically happened to be tonight. 🤣

You do have a tremendous fear deep down for her, but it’s not what she thinks. Well, probably not at least. You also have a fear about your own turbulence that has been regenerated.

There are other fears of course, but if you can steel yourself and cultivate that mutual trust… there will be nothing to fear.

Be True. Just Be True.

And seriously – calm down. You know she’s protective of you too. That means she gets you – even if she never really truly understands the how or why… she gets you. And that’s actually even better. 🙂

And in all of your hopes, dreams, fears, and loves… whether she realizes it or not… She’s helping you heal your wounds too.

ROFLMAO #HowHeRolls 🤣🤣🤣

Want to just show up, do a good job, earn a check, contribute to a positive work environment, and go home.

Alright, fine. You don’t want to play that game. Hate it. Want to be above it. Just so pointless. So old. So distracting. And there’s a reason it’s a chore instead of a fear to you…

Son of a……. 😒

They say to dress for the job you want, not the job you have. Optics are so important in so many aspects of life. Not just to appear one way because it’s easy to appear to be something you’re not. Easy to get away with things if you have convinced others of something that isn’t true.

Same with relationships – even potential ones.

She said not to wait for her. So green light on partying through the ladies while she gets her ducks in a row, right?

🤣 Lol nope. She knows you won’t be that cruel to them. She knows she’s in your head, and you love her being there. She feels guilty asking you to wait, and she knows it’s safe to ask you not to.

What feeling could you possibly have with another woman without calling out the Crow’s name? The answer is nothing more than normal friendship would allow… and even that is subject to her approval… because you like it that way.

No games. No technicalities. Be True. So – how is the best way to be true? Finally for once you have an advantage. She has seen falseness and the Pain it brings.

The clouds of darkness that have isolated her and wounded her are a slow-moving cold front. For far too long she has felt they circled her, but in truth she has now finally begun to leave them behind.

Be like the powerful lighthouse beaming light through those clouds. There are still plenty of dark days ahead of her. And sometimes she might lose herself in the darkness trying to get out… and if that happens… shine harder… 🙂

She fears a part of him that is splintered into her mind that won’t leave her.

She says you’re “not him”. Concerns of a sexual nature in that regard as well.

But you know what? Hell no you aren’t him. And you’re proud of it.

He can’t grow. You can.

Oh sure he might be strong in the present in an area where you are weak. Just as you are strong in areas where he is weak.

But you will get stronger there… while he will never have what you already do.

And deep down she knows it.

You were meant for her.

Show her why.

Grow into her.

Show her the love a true man possesses.

Show her. 🙂

It’s so odd feeling the afterglow of bliss… while preparing to have your heart gutted.

You still can’t believe what happened. Still piecing together everything in your mind. Saturday night. Sunday night. And Monday. Feels like a dream.

For one brief afternoon, you got to be one with the Crow and… she was just as magnificent as you could have imagined. That beautiful face… you giving it pleasure… the moans feeding you and making you want more…

Honesty it almost felt like an out of body experience. You remember sex, but… this was…just…different. Fear and intimidation that’s defined the last 17 years changing places with confidence and the desire to please her – literally back and forth every second. You have to admit it was a bit overwhelming, especially under influences you just aren’t used to.

You desperately wish you could have given her more… and hope one day to. More. Stronger. Longer. The best. You need to be the best for her. And if she does honor you one day, you will. Damn you need more of that powerful woman… she has no idea what she is capable of making you into…

But sadly now, you also must face the world as it is.

There is no way things haven’t been changed now, and you have no idea how that change goes down. And no control.

It felt right – because it was *her*. She feels right. Though you could tell that concerned her somewhat.

You can’t help but hold fear in your heart for the rules you have – and the reasons why. You didn’t do what you said you would. Now you have to wait and see how things go down… powerlessly.

She’s in your head now though. Deeper. Anchored. Roots dug in deep. Your magnificent queen. And you fucking love it.

So…prepare… no… expect to get torched, but just hope and pray this time is different. 🙂

Until then… build stamina, rip the rowing machine to pieces and chow down on knowledge of dual citizenship. Show her. SHOW her…

That’s enough for now though.

You have many questions for her on the matter… but you’re just wise enough to let them come out on their own time.

For now though… you know what? Go ahead. Get your hopes up. This feels amazing. Don’t temper it with fearing the inevitable pain coming down the pipe; you’ll have enough then on your own.

For now… just bask in the bliss…

You have made love to the most magnificent woman on the face of God’s Green Earth…

It was just a mere, brief taste of her, and you will be grappling with God’s take on your actions, but…

It’s her.

It’s really her.

So… prepare for pain. Freaking idiot, you never do anything normal, do ya?🙄

Nah… normal is for those without Dreams… 😊

https://youtu.be/QEdPe1SxitI

…I hear this. 🌹

Many Words of Approval. 🙂🌷🌹