April 19… Lexington and Concord. April 20… Boston. Gage sat in Boston with a sympathetic, but iron fist. He ruled the city, but the countryside was held by angry colonists. Raised to handle a musket, but aside from groups like Artemas Ward’s 3rd Regiment who’d resigned en masse from the army to fight it, were all effectively militia. Nothing to scoff at considering they elected their own officers and had cut their teeth training for and repulsing Indian raids, but were green as grass when it came to actually going muzzle to muzzle with much more than that. Nevertheless, the colonists had been stirred up like angry hornets. Gage was sympathetic to the cause of liberty and while loyal to the crown, didn’t wish a repeat of the Boston Massacre. As the hornets in the Massachusetts hills buzzed in anger while royal order collapsed, he was given orders had to disarm the rebels and arrest their leaders, Samuel Adams and John Hancock.

Gage sent his redcoats out to Lexington on the 19th to remove the rebels’ stores of muskets, powders and shells, and as they neared, about 80 militiamen emerged, alerted by colonials of the British plans. The militia’s supplies had all been removed and hidden, and Adams and Hancock had left the area. Captain John Parker came out of Buckman Tavern with about 80 assembled militiamen and came to a parade ground formation.

Here we are. Here we stand. Armed. Defiant. No wish for violence, but no tolerance for tyranny… and outnumbered nearly six-to-one. Parker didn’t care. He literally paused his personal battle with tuberculosis to command these men, and thus, his voice was somewhat difficult to hear. But this was only a show of resolve, nothing more. Redcoats had marched out many times before to seize supplies, found nothing, and went back to Boston. This time, though, the order was given to the militia to lay down their arms. Parker ordered his men to disperse, but thanks to his mangled voice the order wasn’t properly heard. Someone, somewhere fired a shot, and the world changed.

Well, before it changed…the militiamen ran as the Regulars opened fire. Word spread like wildfire that blood had been spilled, and the British found nothing but empty caches instead of militia arms and powder. They continued on to Concord, but with as just as much luck. And then the world changed.

Scattered musket fire from all over the area began to echo forth as word spread and ordinary men grabbed their weapons, kissed their wives, and set out to defend their homes and liberty. Throughout the day, the retreating Redcoats were harassed by Minutemen coming out of the woodwork, knowing the terrain and ambushing and chasing them all the way back to the safety of Boston. The same Boston which was surrounded the next day by no less than 15,000 angry hornets who had had enough of the domineering Redcoats.

Massholes a thousand miles north beat y’all in the Holy City by literally one fucking day. And y’all’s idea was better, lolz…

Been about week you’ve been sitting on this one. No particular reason besides the little “X years ago today” thing doesn’t exactly jive with current moods, events, etc. Lots of things going on in your world, and virtually all of them involve…waiting on things you hate waiting on. Bill seems to be okay. In limbo until they can do internal stuff Monday. Your IRS check will be mailed May 1. Yay. That will help cover the $1266 cost for the ER vet to tell you his intestinal tract was thick but more evaluation is needed. DEW is holding things up because you tried being honest with them about your situation regarding employment and benefits. Mayo got the referral you’d asked Doc to send, but they didn’t send medical history, so hold on that until Monday too. Bright side it – you’ll have a busy day for once in a long time, lol.

Church service on YouTube this morning again. Very thankful you can make it and have even invited Flame to join you in watching live…though it helps when you wake up before 10:45 for the 10:30 service. You talk with her a lot, though true to form she’s far more fun than cerebral. Her words. Shared Locke and Key with her and she loved it; you knew she would. Mom & Dad had lunch with you at the picnic table in the park across the street, so you could be on opposite ends and not risk anyone getting the boogieman plague. Shrimp and Grits. Seems to be a slowly budding new tradition.

Celt is still away with her daughter being driven out of her mind. Finds a way to get bit by tragedy; her boyfriend’s daughter has been spending time with hers, but the former’s dog was killed by a car and she blames herself because she supposedly didn’t fix the fence right and the dog got out. Bad luck just seems to follow her; not good for a DIY enthusiast.

Things are slowly beginning to open back up here; with business owners trying to follow procedure to ensure shoppers can be as safe as possible. Masks, limitation of numbers allowed in at once, having people stay away from each other, etc., as makes sense for them to do because they’re going to get more customers if they make it safe for them to shop. Free market wins again. There is still an obvious hole in your life, but you can’t do anything about it but pray, and you constantly pray. You miss her too. Spent money you didn’t have on a Macanudo, as always in honor of Keith. Tonight will be a good night to talk to Management, walking around New Market Street, and maybe a firepit if it gets cool enough. The weather is pricelessly beautiful. Sky so blue…the dark blue kind of blue that makes it so magical. 

Thank God you live here. People help people here. Happiness and goodwill are the order of the day, not exceptions to the rule. Can get the wet kind of hot in June, July, and August but now that at least helps keep the virus at bay. People are responsible, and yet free. There’s always bad stuff out there, but the only ones miserable here seem to be the ones who are always miserable. But this isn’t the place for you to babble about politics. Cleanse your soul. You’ve let anger and anxiety fester from many sources, and you are no good to pay anything forward until you get the spiritual version of Vitamin D from the vibrance of the worlds He created like your body would collect from the sun.

Exercising is already discouraging, but the discouragement is on schedule. Best way to handle it is to dip into college fight song mode and treat it like it’s one of those bastards that wants to take your muskets or score a touchdown in your end zone; whichever spiritually pisses you off more, lolz…

Maybe that’s part of the key of finding the peace you strive for – acknowledging that side of you and channeling it to more constructive purposes. Dunno. Still figuring out the new heart. Thankful for it though. You still degenerated into a sniffling tear-filled Bro when Bill was in the vet ER for four hours, but didn’t ball like a 12 year old. Progress. Hopefully a little bit better officer material at least.

Put your faith in Him. In More. He knows what He’s doing. He loves you and everyone you love. And He wants you to succeed. So… thanks for every blessing. And double thanks for the cat.  🙂

1775 was a year of new beginnings being forged in what were well known to be the beginning of very hard times. Yours are nothing like theirs were in anything but spirit. You’re pretty sure they wouldn’t mind inspiring you though. 🙂

You’re doing it wrong, Bill. Maybe if it came in catnip flavor; freaking Nip addict. 😔

One hurdle down. Another hurdle next week. Thanks for the cat, Lord. 🙏🙏🙏



At the vet ER.  you’ve been worried about Bill for a while. Took him to the vet a month ago for vomiting almost daily, but blood work was negative. Shallow breathing today brought you to the vet who in turn referred you to an ER. A dear friend is a vet tech here; she’s the one that didn’t like vid you sent her of the shallow breathing.

Three hours in the parking lot since you’re not allowed in. From what it sounds like it’s either a minor inflammation or lymphoma. 

You don’t have children, and you know what they say; as soon as you have children you see pets differently. Wouldn’t change the tears of fear or worry, or magically give you an appetite.

Little guy literally trotted into your life and heart one night when you really, really happened to need a friend eight years ago, and you’re not shy on occasionally looking up to God and saying “And thanks for the cat.”

You’re not ready to lose him yet. Not now. Sure as anything not now.

Deep breath. Stay calm. Keep it together. 2020 can end now; this everything going to hell in a handbasket schtick is really getting old.

Bill is Falkor, not Artax. He’s your bro and he’s gonna be fine. 

Frustration is having chest pains in the morning because you keep falling asleep on the fucking recliner at weird hours during the day and night away from the damn mask. It doesn’t do any good to get a good nights sleep with a mask to try to repair the brain damage if you go into the living room and fall asleep again watching TV.

You don’t have much money left but apparently you need to spend it on five hour fucking energy, though God knows what that’s doing to your blood pressure.

You’re not used to this. You’re used to being young and careless. Please learn this lesson before you have to learn the hard way. That’s not something you’re good at. Find a way. You actually matter to some people. Fucking act like it.

You can’t be positive without occasionally keeping it real and being honest with yourself.

If you don’t want to be successful, tell yourself lies so you don’t have to take action.

If you do want to be successful, tell yourself the truth so you do.

Make it happen.

Fascinating. Flame wanted to watch the NeverEnding Story with you. No video, but you synced the viewing and talked on text during.

I mean, you’re going to watch it anytime someone wants to. But…yeah. Yeah. Go ahead and say it. You remembered sharing it with Crow. Couldn’t stop being reminded of sharing it with her and how exited you were. Seeing her smile as you degenerated into an eight year old. Opening up a part of your life that you don’t share with people in general. The level of comfort. The wonder. I mean come on it is really stupid, but it is what it is. Sharing it with her made you so happy. Anything with her made you so happy.

You had never watched it with Flame, because honestly when you were with her you could be described as being in the grip of The Nothing. Not focused on the bliss of imagination, But grounded in the mundanity of the real. Well, the temporal…. 🤔

You actually found somewhere online where someone identified all of the symbolism of The Neverending Story with references to Hinduism or some such, but the symbolism reached into your heart so differently, and spoke to your own faith so clearly.

The death of Artax, which you amusingly refuse to watch again to this day… in the swamps of sadness. Atreyu went into the swamp with Elements of his world… and they died, victims of the sadness of a mundane life. And still he pressed on. Found the answers from the giant turtle Morla and hopelessness they gave him. And he still pressed on. And all seemed lost as he slowly seems to give in to the sadness. And he still pressed on. The swamp sought consumed him he even has he pressed forward with the Gmork about to schew up what was left…. when he was saved at the last second by ‘Luck’, in the form of Falkor.

We fight against our weaknesses. Against sin. We fight in the hopelessness of swamps of sadness. And we learn we can’t escape. We can’t make it on our own. We try. We struggle. But only with faith can the gap be bridged. Faith not just in ourselves, but of more. Of those that raised us and inspired us, who support us and love us. Though a nonbeliever might call it Luck.

But why? Why struggle so hard to try to reach that point? Well… what on earth is so enamoring about this unremarkable existence? What is it about nearly going to work to pay bills and dealing with the mundane aspects of life day in and day out that is so appealing to so many people?

Why are we so “perfect”? Why are we so satisfied with who we are?  Our entire culture grapples with arrogance. We are what we are, and don’t seek to be better. I mean why be better without a cause, and what cause is there besides our own self gratification?

And at the end of the day… focusing on short term gratification just bites us. No, we don’t have to be some big activist that wallows in drama, or try to be something we’re not. There’s nothing wrong with even just being yourself you guess. But there’s no excuse to not work to be better.

Most people get older but don’t seem to grow up. And yet still they sacrifice their dreams to their own Nothing. Dreams of challenging her own confidence in front of your own Sphinx Gate, or confronting your true self in the Mirror Gate. So many people find their true self and then just yield to it. Easier. Don’t try to be more. Don’t try to be truly happy and at peace with the world around you. Good lord that’s the worst of all worlds.

Others use crutches. Substitutes for what truly matters to give them that feeling of accomplishment. Drugs, alcohol, gambling (though you’ve never understood why exactly that’s a vice because thankfully you don’t know many who suffer from it), etc. Things that get in the way of the beauty of existence behind the curtain of the real. That’s not to say they may have their place in a balanced life, but if they unbalance it, they’ve got to be a crutch for something.

This virus is the beginning of some really rough times for many, many people. At the end of the day, you can’t help feeling that the aftermath of the actions taken because of it will end up causing far more problems than the virus itself. That’s your grounding talking though, because it’s at odds with your nature of optimism and positivity. That doesn’t mean good things won’t come out of it – in fact you have high hopes that it will become a wake-up call to millions that they had their priorities completely misplaced. But you just have that feeling; especially seeing the divisions within the country and mindsets around the world. Thank God you live here though. The virus, like others, doesn’t like warm, humid places. Maybe you can suffer a little more humidity this year without being ungrateful for it as you’ve been for some time now.

The Swamps of Sadness, the Gmork, and its master, the Nothing. Perfect metaphors for the things we struggle with in our day to day lives. Depression, those who oppose us, but worst of all, the insidious forces of despair behind them all that seek to pound us down into nothing more than to be cogs in a machine with no hopes, dreams, or faith. Minions of darkness indeed.

And yet… always there are things and people entering into our lives providing Hope. And Hope is part of His plan.

“‘For I know the plans I have for you,’ declares the Lord, ‘plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” says Jeremiah 29:11. Or, as your pastor paraphrased amusingly… “Hope is faith in the future tense.”

Put your trust in Him. You’ve been doing so well falling asleep with the mask on, but keep screwing up napping during the day out of boredom. Grounding is necessary. Something is wrong, and you’re drifting slightly into a realm of unfeeling. Well, back into one. That’s not good. Just because a new old you was unlocked a few years ago… doesn’t mean it needs to be abandoned. You’d learned that lesson a while back. And don’t feel bad. Loneliness isn’t something you alone are suffering from at the moment, lolz… As a matter of fact, it’s likely more people suffer from loneliness right now than ever in history… ironic.

Meh. You’ll get past it. Have faith. Focus on regaining what you’ve lost. Healing your wounds. Plank. Speck. Now…try to sleep….

 

Celt’s a very conscientious person. You’re fine helping a friend, especially when it’s not that much of a problem. Doing some cleaning, you run across $400 she’d given you for rent because she was tired of “charity” and she finally had the means.

It’s the simple things in life you treasure. Nothing mystical about likely cognitive damage helping you forget about a mortgage payment when money’s running tight.

Good people help. Good people help back. Tonight’s a good night to order some food from a hurting local business and leave a good tip. Because every once in a while you can go in havsies and both benefit from generosity. 🙂

Things are starting to look up anyway.

Because The end is in sight!

It’s only a matter of time before you find a couple of masks. 🙂

The exhibit at the airport in Columbia escaped you all those years when you and Mom picked Dad up from business trips when you were a kid. But one day, he pointed it out to you and told you that the Doolittle Raiders actually trained at Columbia’s airport. You didn’t think too much of it until you realized later on what exactly that meant to a nation reeling from five months of fear. 

78 years ago, April 1942. America’s fleet lay devastated at anchor at Pearl Harbor with only a few carriers and a handful of escorts seaworthy. Japan was rampant in the Pacific, consolidating power and taking Singapore, the Dutch East Indies, the Philippines, Guam, virtually everywhere North of Australia and West of Midway. With access to the raw materials they needed in the Dutch East Indies they had all they needed to reinforce their fleet and take Hawaii. Who knew what else. Stalin’s USSR wasn’t fighting them, so their only other front was in China, and the US chose to focus on Germany first, leaving the US Pacific Fleet to fend for themselves. Full wartime production was still a long way off, and no one knew how industrious a fully mobilized America could be yet. But in order to even have one, they had to hold serve in the Pacific with what was left, or else they could be paralyzed.

The Japanese for their part hadn’t lost a major battle in a thousand years; their victories against the world’s largest nation, China, had come easily; and the Americans couldn’t protect anything from the Imperial fleet. The very idea of Tokyo being bombed was as alien to them as an attack on the World Trade Center in August 2001.  

All eyes were moving towards Australia as the Japanese set their sights on it when two of America’s few carriers and what escorts could be spared were sent northwest instead. Sixteen Army B-25s put on the Hornet with Enterprise providing escort took off at an unthinkable distance on a single raid, unable to return. 

Thousands of men, half the remaining fleet desperately needed at the upcoming Battle of Coral Sea turned north in a single massive, coordinated raid that would accomplish practically nothing tangible in the grand scheme of the war other than a monumental “Fuck You!” to the great Samurai mindset of Imperial Japan. 

Funny, you’d discussed with the Greek, one of your best friends who’s wrapping up 26 years in the USAF that raid once and gotten into a disagreement about it. Waste of manpower, materiel, etc to accomplish little practical. Well, he was right about that and an authority on such issues. But he also sees it in terms of being a part of a world-dominating military that hasn’t been truly challenged in over 30 years. Those men in 1942 were desperate. A spirited debate; both of you stuck to your points, agreed to disagree and got another beer.

Considering the losses at Coral Sea while Enterprise and Hornet were returning from their mission, he did have a point…but given all that had been going wrong for America for five months… there could be fewer moments as satisfying that pulling the lever on a B-25 that day. You motherfuckers think you’re invincible? Duck, Hirohito. 

Months. In a history book they don’t seem long. The months the world is spending in quarantine now feel like they’re taking forever, with no end in sight. Idiot experts are forecasting models saying we’ll be in the clear sometime between May 1 and 2022. Gives you a new appreciation for the months that the Americans had to sit back and fume at being unable to fight back against a rampant Japan. The world’s most industrious and impatient people found a way to bitchslap a dominant nation who had never truly known defeat… just to fucking do it.

Fills your heart with spiritual fists just thinking about it. 

The fates of the pilots are a mixture of tragedy and adventure; some captured and tortured by the Japanese, others funneled through the warzones in China through diplomatic minefields negotiated between the Soviets and Iranians to get them home. Heroes all.  

Sometimes it seems like you set your mind to something and it just never happens. Even if you do what you know you ought to, the ball never seems to roll. The weight never seems to drop. The comprehension never seems to clear. Patience is a virtue, but an elusive one. You know what? Make up your mind to accomplish, and once you have… give your obstacle a “Fuck you!” just because you CAN. 

Walking an hour every day was derailed. Feet blistering. That’s fine. Stay in a day so they can be ready to go. Bitch, your overweight ass is RUNNING tomorrow for ten minutes. Collapse if you got to eight minutes in, but as soon as you’re good to go, you’ve got two more minutes. Is that wise? A good investment of your time and energy considering the exercise plan you’re putting together? Nope. But fuck it. You can, you will, and when you do and go back to the plan the next day, you won’t feel so bad for how far you’ve fallen since the days of being All-Region Cross Country.

Self-Discipline is a huge weakness you have. Accept it, and find a way to overcome it. Walking an hour every other day alternating with rowing won’t be fast enough to help you accomplish what you want to accomplish and you WILL become discouraged. Discipline is far more important than Motivation in the Long Run. Motivation is an emotion, and thus fleeting. Discipline isn’t. You’re good at what matters far less… so you have to make do.

It’s okay to get discouraged. When you do, remind yourself that you CAN run. It’s just really not very smart. The fact you CAN do something in the back of your mind gives you strength. A temporary boost of motivation when Discipline begins to unravel. Because it will.

Just a month later in the Battle of the Coral Sea, the American fleet had only two carriers, lost the Lexington and damage to Yorktown was so severe she barely made it back. Port Moresby was saved and Australia could finally breathe a sigh of relief. As tactical a defeat as could be and still be a strategic victory.

Which means you’re going to hurt yourself in your stunt tomorrow. Probably muscle failure. Fall, skin your knee. You know what came after Coral Sea though. And you know what’s eventually going to happen if your enthusiasm manages to thinly cover the gaps left by your lack of self-discipline. You need this. You’re sick of living this way. Not just with your health, but that feeling of disempowerment when you wake up at 10am and still don’t need to do anything. 

Seriously, do you know who you fucking are? What you can do if you put your mind to it? When you have the drive and energy you did at 25 but combine that with the Wisdom of having God in your life to chase that bastard of arrogance off when he dares rear his head? 

No. You don’t.

Yet. 

Whatever. Missed it by a day. Meh, this year is the 350th Anniversary of the founding of the Holy City in 1670 and immeasurable celebrations of history are going to have to wait a year. Far worse things have happened. You are blessed beyond measure. You have no right to keep those blessings to yourself. Every minute you don’t have the means to try to make the world a better place, you fail yourself. 

That’s nothing to feel bad about. It’s something to do something about. Let God guide you… but occasionally take the opportunity to go somewhere crazy on your own and ask Him to come with you. Why? You don’t know. It’s who you are. Something tells you He understands, and maybe there will be a learning experience down the road that changes your mind. If so, bring it. Last thing He wants you or anyone else to be is a robot. 

You’re hurting right now. It’s okay to admit it. You need this. Give eternal thanks you can do it, and if you fail, find something else to give eternal thanks for.

Now go make an idiot out of yourself on the rowing machine. 

 

 

 

Define Irony… keeping up with the News is essential given current events; yet it leads one to anger and frustration at so many voices in the world that know as little and yet have as strong opinions on what little they know as you do. LOL Step #1 in problem solving is always admitting you have a problem. Trying to reorient yourself away from negativity is a chore given the circumstances, but that only means it’ll be even more worth it in the end. 

The folks are doing alright; thank God they’re taking things seriously. Worried about you as always. Your money is precarious, but help is on the way there. It still burdens you not to have the means to come to people’s aid if they needed it, but it’s only temporary. Still can’t feel any difference cognitively from sleeping arrangements. Really hope this thing begins to pass soon so the Mayo Clinic will consider other ailments again. Nonessential means nonessential, and your problems are that. It’s nothing to be upset; far from it. Be thankful you don’t need essential treatment.

The Titanic sank 108 years ago today. Their needs were essential. Same for the victims of the Boston Marathon Bombing seven years ago today.

You missed a perfectly good Supermoon the other night thanks to cloud cover. Could be worse though. God willing, next year at this time things will be so different. You’ll not be worried about whether you can read something and comprehend it. That alone is worth celebrating. You’ll be back where you need to be – in charge of your own life and hopefully having a job that fits you more like a glove than the last one. You realize now the quality of character of people you work with is actually far more important than you had realized.

Relax; you’re not the most observant guy on Earth; you learned that years ago but had forgotten. It was at Dad’s retirement dinner from his company; you spoke in front of everyone and thanked everyone he’d worked with for making such a positive environment for him to be him in. It was a moment you will never forget; nor was it a toast you’ll ever be able to exactly remember. Just another sign. You’d prayed for the right words. The ones you spoke weren’t yours. They were so much better. Came with so much ease, like you were channeling wisdom from a lifetime of experiences in front of brilliant high-ups. Sure fooled them, lolz…

“It’s really easy to go to work every day when you love what you do. When you don’t love what you do, you can get by but you have to put on a mask. You can’t be yourself, and that’s what we always want to be….”

Pretty sure that’s how it got started. You wanted to thank them for being a cooperative, collaborative environment; the kind Dad thrived in. He didn’t have to wear a mask. He could just be himself. And he excelled. Well paid, well respected, well traveled… and every year he’d come home the day after his annual review with a smile on his face and said “Good news! I still have a job.” Because he never took it for granted.

That’s what you want. Something that fills you with a sense of belonging. Same way with finding a church. Searching for a new one back in 2012 seemed like it took forever. Self-righteousness pisses you off. Makes you hate it when you feel it in yourself. But you try to get past it; not much else to do. Personal faults are mere obstacles if we see them and fight them. All you can do is be thankful it’s not something you suffer from too badly – and then watch it to try to make sure it stays that way.

Our relationships with others tell us so much about ourselves. Not just friendships, family, or loved ones. Who we are around affect us. Spending eight hours a day at work with someone miserable and eager to share it over the course of many years can grind on one’s soul as easily as being in an abusive relationship. 

You want elevation. Can feel it. That time of year when you feel Table Rock calling you. Your home is by the Sea… but as soon as its safe to go, you need to go. This is the time you need to work on yourself. Be thankful for it, and don’t waste it…