Everyone was invited for lunch. New buildings are nice. Lol briefly got the opportunity to have the old high school fear of not knowing where to sit in the cafeteria when you don’t know that many people.😂
Eventually picked a seat at a table with someone you’d met before with an empty chair and joined in a conversation.
Then you realized many others were doing the same thing, lolz…
Good people and good times. It really is the simple things you treasure.
Felt so good to be back. You need to keep working on your lack of passion. You know deep down it’s a problem. Something’s just off. Fortunately it’s just a frame of mind. The state of being needs it fixed. You’ll figure it out whatever it is. 🙂
For you, to talk to her is to fall in love with her. To love her is to hurt, because she doesn’t want you.
To think of her is to miss her. To miss her is to ache in purposeless.
Her presence is all over this house. All over your work. Even your truck. She made your parents smile. She loved your cats. Your favorite places.
Everywhere and everything you love. Everything mingles with her now.
It has for years, as you dreamed what things would be like if you were lucky enough to have her in your arms. Your home. Intertwined with your very spirit.
Cistern. Folly. Kaminsky’s. Waterfront. Rainbow Row. Hiking. Bee City. Maybe Con. Maybe even one day church. You wanted her to have everything you could give her.
And… the answer was no. Twice. No one before has had the chance to reject everything you are, have, have come from, and stand for so completely. And no one ever will again.
The love is elemental. It will never vanish. But it can’t be anything less than it is. That’s what your heart was for her for seven years, for good or ill, and you fully committed. Absolute full investment.
Comparatively, she didn’t understand why you wouldn’t be able to speak to her again if she went back to what and who you tried to help her escape from. After going through all that pain, and your dream finally coming true…
There’s no way to square that when you literally put everything you have and are on the line for someone you truly loved. None. Even after moving on to the next love it would be tough.
Cortez burned his ships when reaching the new world. You burned all that pain away with hope for a future with her. Was the only way you could manage to be alright with her keeping so many ties to the past she’d escaped from.
No one else would have done that. No one.
Seven years of enjoyable Bubly water, then three months of the most amazing nectar you could ever imagine… you just can’t do Bubly anymore.
When she used those ties to return to all that? Ledger zero. No animosity. No bitterness. No ex hate. Promises you made to yourself that you’re still trying to keep. But, you were never going back to suffering.
So what now? No idea. Con helped. Might even keep leading to something, but that’s even more far fetched.
You so need to be stronger with God. Always good advice but particularly now. Let Him lead you. Find out what’s wrong. Why you have to try so hard.
Miss her. Love her from afar. Keep praying for her, and be there for her if she needs more prayer.
But her answer was no. It’s beyond unlikely to change. And you can’t even imagine what that would look like at this point.
Life is a case study in not realizing the way some things are at the time. As things stand here and now on this dirty September night…
For now, this is what you must do to Grow.
Let positive vibes flow from you. Keep happiness in your heart. Give others a reason to smile. And protect it.
No matter what… she wants you to be happy. The last thing you can do for her is try to make it so.
Hold her in your arms Lord. Every second I can’t hold her in mine.
It’s amazing that you just spent an hour at Con trying to figure out how to splice together the videos you have left of her before actually realizing you needed to ask a question.
Let alone why you still have them.
Oh. Yeah, nevermind. Memories you will never forfeit… fair enough.
So how on earth do you express pain to someone when you don’t want to risk hurting them just in case?
Why do you need to express pain?
Holy crap how long does it take you to get over stuff?
Do you want them to feel bad about how they hurt you?
Don’t lie. So why do you want them to feel bad?
You don’t? Really? Okay.
Then just post the song. Nothing more.
The lyrics are all there.
And outside of that last stupid cheap shot lyric at the end, there are your feelings. The last line is stupid and you want nothing to do with it.
That’s just the way it is with the Magnetic Fields. Brilliant music until you want them to STFU.
Whatever. You made sure people got to where the party was tonight instead of wandering around downtown Atlanta and putting themselves in danger.
That’s what you’re good for for right now. You are so sick of it. But here you are.
That’s what you know what to say.
Everything else you’re clueless and don’t pretend otherwise.
I don’t know what to say.
I just don’t know what to say.
Please be with those who are sacred to me. Please be with those who hate me. Please be with everyone in between.
Please be gentle with me tomorrow when the hangover hits.
Met Shatner today. Still… thoughts are of her. They won’t be forever. But for now, may she take it as a compliment. Truly one of a kind. Hopefully she’ll understand what that means one day.
[Verse 1] (Hummm) You’re like an Empress (Hummm) You’ve got fire running down your cheeks (Hummm) You burn everything you see (Hummm) Gold are your fingers (Hummm) Leaving traces everywhere you go (Hummm) Diamonds in your skin, my blood flows
[Chorus] Bring the lion out Bring the, bring the lion out Bring the lion out Bring the, bring the lion out Bring the lion out Bring the, bring the lion out Bring the lion out Bring the, bring the lion out Bring the lion out Bring the, bring the lion out Bring the lion out Bring the, bring the lion out Bring the lion out Bring the, bring the lion out Bring the lion out Bring the, bring the lion out Bring the lion out Bring the, bring the lion out Bring the lion out Bring the, bring the lion out
[Verse 2] Sound of the water Beads dripping down your face Calling out, calling out my name You were december Eyes cold, freezing my blood Somehow, somehow not enough
Huh-huh Huh-huh Huh-huh Huh-huh
[Chorus] Bring the lion out Bring the, bring the lion out Bring the lion out Bring the, bring the lion out Bring the lion out Bring the, bring the lion out Bring the lion out Bring the, bring the lion out Bring the lion out Bring the, bring the lion out Bring the lion out Bring the, bring the lion out Bring the lion out Bring the, bring the lion out Bring the lion out Bring the, bring the lion out Bring the lion out Bring the, bring the lion out Bring the lion out Bring the, bring the lion out
It’s Not a Frame of Mind 