Please help me find this level of faith. It’s so easy today in age to be a fair weather follower. Pastor spoke a story of visiting persecuted followers in an oppressive country, and how he said they were confused when he said we prayed for them in their persecution. They told him they feared more for us and prayed for us in our abundance. How easy it is to grow complacent and distant. Spoiled. But the truth is we have challenges in the aspects of life that actually matter in the end, the same as those persecuted people.
You have given me a level of joy endemic to my life. Part of the foundation of who I am. Through rough seas, Bad days abound. Weeks and even months can lay siege to it, Deep wounds can cut into it, but it’s still there…deep down. 🙂
It hasn’t been tested with the likes of pain others have gone through, but if it is part of who I am, it still might just be. If it is the result of merely having an easier life than most, maybe not so much though.
Just thinking out loud. And thanking. Lolz. I sure don’t have what Paul had in these versus. Have something though, and grateful for it. Getting older is better if the wrinkles in the face come from smiling.
Though what hurts the most sometimes is not being able to share this endemic joy. It’s on me though; all failure on my end is. There are reasons of course, but none that I understand.
I do ask that you shine it on others though. Especially in times of need, whatever that need may be.
Moods come and go. Mindsets don’t. Which is why it’s so important to have healthy ones.
It’s not a frame of mind. It’s a state of being.
Please be with those hurting tonight. Those whom I have cared about and always will.
Please hold them in Your arms.
Please give them tomorrows in form of the yesterdays I’ve so far known.
Please help them find You, where all of this isn’t just possible, but inevitable.
And barring that, please give them comfort. To those who wish me well, and those who wish me ill.
The things that really matter in life… They are tougher to find in our abundance. And ultimately, the struggles of this world are fleeting – no matter how long we’re here..
You feel like you’re close to some dreams you used to have elements of in the past. Expansive spaces, and isolated pockets within.
Always “felt” the idea of a place In the middle of a massive bustling city high in the sky. Giant windows seeming to cover an entire wall with an expensive vista below you. A lot of neon lights. What seems like flying cars. Maybe cyberpunk influences… maybe a reflection of something else.
But this place both is and isn’t a part of the city. It’s right there in the middle of the city, with the sprawling metropolis in front of you, but the expansive apartment it’s self is isolated. Maybe even invisible? To the rest of the city. They have no idea you’re there. And there’s plenty of space. Everything a modern home needs, and more. It’s ‘cozy’ but not small, almost like it’s a safe haven in a sea of chaos. Anything you want, you can order. The world can be on fire outside that window and it would not affect anything inside this place. Pull ice out of Specifically shaped ice trays and put them in glasses of clear, bubbling liquid. Lights below illuminate the bubbles. At least you found something in real life to do that, lolz
You don’t live here, even in your dream. Maybe it’s a place you own, but this is not your home. At least your main home. It’s a refuge. A sanctum. The city has no specific feel of familiarity. It’s almost a stand in for the world of large. And you have one amazing isolated pocket to hide out in with everything you could need.
You aren’t alone. No idea who else is here, but you care for her. You don’t see her but you know she’s there. Thankful to have this pocket of refuge just as you are. It’s familiar and yet not. Almost like it was left for you. But yet it’s yours.
The video was perfect visually but too reliant on the sound of rain and not an ambient sound that soothes from underneath.
So many sounds good fill this role but that’s almost cliché necessity that leads you to Vangelis’ Blade Runner themes.
You’re just visiting this place. Whatever it is. It feels transitory and yet not. So soothing and relaxing though. You’re not a fan of huge cities, so it’s interesting this is so enjoyable.
Seems almost related to some of the dreams you have about roads going up and over and interrupted. Immense indoor hotel lobbies with lots of friendly people.
1 “The sayings of King Lemuel contain this message, which his mother taught him.
2 O my son, O son of my womb, O son of my vows,
3 do not waste your strength on women, on those who ruin kings.
4 It is not for kings, O Lemuel, to guzzle wine. Rulers should not crave alcohol.
5 For if they drink, they may forget the law and not give justice to the oppressed.
6 Alcohol is for the dying, and wine for those in bitter distress.
7 Let them drink to forget their poverty and remember their troubles no more.
8 Speak up for those who cannot speak for themselves; ensure justice for those being crushed.
9 Yes, speak up for the poor and helpless, and see that they get justice.”
Such a great chapter to lead you in the direction you’re supposed to go in such a great chapter to lead you in the direction you’re supposed to go in. The first part is about what you need to strive towards. The second part is about who you’re striving to find.
But if there’s one thing you have learned, it doesn’t matter who she is if you aren’t who you need to be. That isn’t a mistake you’ve only made once; you’ve never been who you need to be. Don’t beat yourself up; no one ever is.
You constantly work towards it… or you don’t. Some people have the luxury of finding their Proverbs 31 mate along the way, each complementing strengths and compensating for weaknesses.
And, well, looking at the time, that’s not going to be you. So keep building. Brick by brick. It was OK to miss the gym in a week after you’re recovering from being sick. Mom and dad are both back from Covid, and you’re thinking you got a false negative, but you kicked into high gear later in the week and accomplished a lot (finally it seems) after a rough start to the week.
Somehow you did not regress weight wise during the week despite missing the gym, which feels great. Don’t ask yourself why just accept it, lolz
Mom‘s birthday is Sunday. She’ll be 39 again. Finally you’re having a little extra money so nice flowers at the shop Bill came from. Dad‘s spinal surgery next week. You’ll be there all day Wednesday to help since Mom can’t lift much anymore.
Reaching out to God on your own is tough. But it’s clear that you have to cross some sort of threshold to keep going forward in the positive ways you want.
The first part of Proverbs 31 is the kind of man you need to want to work towards becoming. King Lemuel, whoever he was, was raised by a wise woman who taught him well how to run his kingdom. Considering every person has their ‘kingdom’ in a sense, it’s beyond applicable.
You’ve tested yourself to make sure you don’t have a problem with alcohol, but in the context of the verses, It seems to apply to a lot more. Overall responsibility and putting yourself in a position where you can be of benefit to others less fortunate.
Ostensibly that’s what you’ve been trying to do repeatedly for the past few years and failing.
Every.
Single.
Time.
Whether it was the epitome of the one you’d been waiting for, platonic concern for a friend and her daughter, or anywhere in between, you have tried so hard to try to encourage others to recover from their darknesses. To push for positive changes in their lives. To encourage them to be happy, if not give everything you have within your power to give to see them so.
Celt… Crown… Flame… Crow… You keep trying to help others. None wanted to have happier lives enough to actually justify the time, energy, prayer, stress, money, or anything else you put on the line trying to help them find more. All wallowed in or returned to their cesspools of drama and pain; at least the ones that survived.
You want to improve yourself. No one else does. Even if this isn’t the case, it must be the truth as far as you’re concerned, because you obviously just don’t know any better. So be the one that actually learns the lesson you claim you swear by.
Alright, enough. Can the cynicism. Sure it’s okay to be depressed; you’re not gonna be here forever and you just need to regain your passion. Would be nice to know how long though. 🤔
To that end, try to stop thinking about other people. It’s counterintuitive, because at first glance it seems selfish. But you need to fix your eyes on God. Others make their decisions for whatever reasons, and must deal with them as you deal with yours.
Focus on finding and getting closer to people who have their act together. Focus on building your spiritual relationship. Sure, it’s harder than it used to be. What are you going to do about it? 😂
Work on yourself. Now is definitely the time. You love encouraging others, but you need to have a lot stronger of a foundation if you really do care. Find others to help encourage you.
King Lemuel was said to have learned he needed to be there for others on God’s terms – not his own. All you want is to encourage people; you’re not trying to “save” anyone. But you need to learn to let God guilds you – not rely on your own intuition.
If you want a Proverbs 31 woman, you have to be a Proverbs 31 man.Stop wanting. Start becoming. And then what happens will be better… no matter what. 🙂
Poor guy. Think he was a red shouldered hawk. Big one. Big enough to have claws as big as a cat. Just laying there dead in the road leading to the house last night.
Hate that. Beautiful majestic animal; seeing it like that. Was probably sick; not sure how such a powerful bird would be hit by a car otherwise.
Was so tired last night. Didn’t have much energy but you weren’t gonna let it lay there in the street. Just like you did when you found the poor cat just 100 feet further down, at least you got it out of the road. Not really sure what the protocol is; it’s not something you’d thought about.
He was still there where you’d left him when you came home from work. Big, hooked beak and eye open facing up. So wish there was something you could do to be able to let it fly once more.
You suck at helping people too, so don’t sweat the hawk.
Sore throat been on all day. Energy levels are very off and on. You felt fine yesterday, but you might have something after all. Mom is almost back to normal from Covid and bronchitis, so now Dad tests positive for Covid right before the week he supposed to have spinal surgery.
Not a promising start to the week. Church was good Sunday; sermon was on identity. What are you if you were in a completely unfamiliar land. You take notes furiously while listening to try to keep working on your cursive and to use as a memetic device to absorb things better.
Until you figure out what’s wrong with you healthwise, the gym is on hold. You felt fine yesterday after a negative test earlier in the week so you can’t beat yourself up too much over church. Everyone’s eventually going to get Covid at some point so there’s no point freaking out about it.
Asked a friend randomly for the next book to read after John and someone suggested James, so that’s the plan. No idea what it’s about, but you mentioned how it’s being a harder to reach out to Him right now; like you almost have to force yourself to do it. It’s like yeah you already know X, Y, and Z; sure, etc.
All that means is that you’re supposed to be reaching out. In the past you were younger and more emotional and now that you’re older and wiser He’s not going to reach out in that same way anymore. Why would he reach out the easy way? That’s for starters. Now it’s your turn to reach for Him. You get it. Because when you take the time to, you feel it.
A relationship with Christ is not a casual thing. It can be at some stages, but as you develop, you don’t need “signs” (for lack of a better word). By now, you know He’s there and He loves you. So now it’s your turn.
And you are, so that’ll work out in time.
Mourn the hawk. It’s okay. Keep reaching for God and it really doesn’t matter what kind of week you have. Accept what you must and move forward.
Sullen mood. Could always be worse. Not sure where it came from; had it most of the day. Missing church yesterday didn’t help. You haven’t been spending the time each day with Him you had planned to either. So what else did you expect?
Filling your mind with His presence helps the mood at least. Better than dwelling on negative things.
Better. Not sure when this one became a favorite.
You really need to figure this out. The sleep thing ebbs and flows. And you’re on an ebb. You don’t like holding patterns anymore. Stomach feels heavy of rot and disgust.
Good. It’s good to not like the feeling you aren’t moving closer to God. You got a lot done last week at work if nothing else; it’s not like you’re standing still but it’s good to feel like you need to push yourself more. Spiritually, physically, professionally. Makes sense all three won’t have progress all the time, so be patient- and not – at the same time.
Good solid nights of sleep were the norm for a while but now they’re not. Deal with it and stop making excuses. Things are going well for the company and you need to be more of a part of it. There’s reasons to be calm and then there are times to be motivated.
Let God motivate you. You know where the sullenness comes from. You don’t need a miracle; you just need to hold true. Look at the bright side – four day week. 🙂
So get a good nights sleep and make it a good start…
It’s Not a Frame of Mind 