Just a really good day. Frustrating to no end, but it all paid off in the end.

So grateful.

For so many things.



Probably have used that title before. Thank goodness you don’t really care whether you reuse them. Or the pictures. A million things that don’t matter.😂

The beginning of the old man stuff. 45th birthday meant scheduling your first colonoscopy.

Several months waiting and now it’s tomorrow. Low fiber for five days, no solid food today, and no food at all tomorrow until the (afternoon of course, lol) procedure is done. While taking stuff to flush out the system that makes the stomach feel like wondering whether cancer is that bad… 😂

Could always be worse. We really are spoiled these days. Honestly going two days without any food when all is said and done is actually just an inconvenience. If you want to go back in time, you don’t really have to go that far before running into a period of time where that was just a result of having a bad day at work.

Honestly a small price to pay to be able to take care of yourself when it comes to health. We live in an age where all of that’s just seen as an inconvenience instead of marveling at the monumental achievements that have been made in the medical profession. A fever was always serious 200 years ago. Today it’s just a symptom of something minor to be treated along the way.

It’s good to put things in perspective. 🤔

Don’t really know what to say regarding other events. At least not on an empty stomach. This is a place for your thoughts about all manner of things, but since you are a positive person in general, It will reflect that.

Seems everyone’s alright. Definitely a good thing. More tomorrows are always more opportunities to choose the path to fulfill one’s hopes and dreams, regardless of how things have been in the past. You are definitely trying to continue positive habits and leave damaging behavior behind. Hopefully others will as well, but your priorities have to change. Do what you’ve always done, get what you’ve always got.

No time like the present to try to use a potential upcoming midlife crisis. Begins with the ”getting old cancer screening stuff“. Keep working on yourself. Try to take advantage of the opportunities God gives you. Everybody’s wired differently, so consider how your mind operates, and understand that that’s a blueprint for any positive change you want to make.

Know your strength, weaknesses, and tendencies. What works and what doesn’t. A lot of disruptions right now with your Health and at work that are getting in the way of the rhythm you want to establish, so to navigate through them, you have to understand how you get sidetracked and pulled away from what you want to focus on.

But also know how you can be inspired in stupid ways and find a way to make use of your stubbornness as well. Never hurts to understand yourself better, so you can draw closer to better days you want to have.

Thank God for protecting those dear to you, and hopefully tomorrow goes well and you don’t have to worry about cancer for a little while longer.🙂

It’s fascinating how so many vastly different concepts and tones can be true at once. Sometimes Wisdom’s voice is sweet, and sometimes it’s downright stark.

Through Jesus all things are possible. Pray without ceasing. God will answer your prayers. It may not be what you thought, or wanted; but when it isn’t, there’s a reason why. Even if you don’t realize it yet.

Understand relationships with others. Be gentle and kind. If you want goodness in your life, you must reflect goodness yourself. Anger begets anger. Strife begets strife. It doesn’t work with goodness, love, etc though. They don’t beget themselves. We must embrace them. It’s always easier to destroy than to create. It’s easier to hate than to love..

We control ourselves. Our thoughts. Our actions. We choose what we put in our lives. If we have relationships with those of good character, they bear fruit. If not… hopefully we learn.

All of us are wounded by now. The best medicine is compassion. When you have so little, that’s when generosity can mean so much.

Of all the things you have ever told others, may this be what they remember. Yourself along with them, because you struggle just like everyone does. Truth. In so many ways. The most important advice in existence is to seek Wisdom.

If she was gone, you’d know. Whatever happened, she has yet another chance.

Thank Him. Pray she finds Him… and continue moving on.

Seek Wisdom. Heed her words. Heal. Be grateful for so much. Move forth.

Thanks for the cats.

And chances.

Amazing Grace, how sweet the sound

That saved a wretch like me.

I once was lost, but now I am found

Was blind, but now I see.

May we never give up on Who would never give up on us.

May we reach out to Jesus; please save us from this place… and lead us Home.

When you miss her…count the number of spiteful things you said to intentionally try to hurt her.

Compare it to the number of spiteful things she said to intentionally try to hurt you.

Strive to avoid giving yourself to anger though. Mourn who she could have chosen to be instead. Just more appropriate; many reasons.

Anger doesn’t help anyone. Remember the good times. Never forget just how happy you were. Even if you do never love again, you had what you have always wanted for at least a short 90 or so days. Many people will never have that, no matter how many relationships they have.

Day 145. It’s still going to take a long time.

You still pray for her to find God. That’s enough for the past, though. God still has plans for your future, so don’t make old mistakes and let the past hurt you for far longer than it needs to. You tend to do that. 🤔

Settle your own anger. It doesn’t do you any good. Pops up every once in a while. Usually when you miss the good times and a part of you goes to the anger almost defensively. It’s not helpful. Just remember the good times, smile, and move on. You gave far, far too much for it to be easy. It’s a deep wound. Push forward. Grow from it. And if you have to voice it, just leave it in drafts.

Church was good today. Good road map for trying to resolve your issues feeling distant from God. Moving past what pastor called an amateur relationship with God. That’s exactly where you feel you’re stuck at and you need to move forward and learn how to swim in the deep end.

Dad‘s getting stronger. Going to help out in the store this week. Finally got another pallet. Looks great so far. Company got great big news last week and lots of wheels are finally turning. Big raise inbound. Bigger role. Won’t be in time to help you recover to make DragonCon, but just as well. You’d already emotionally invested that into her as well; it was either go with her or you both stay home. You didn’t want to go without her. No point. Now it’s neither.

And… back to fighting off anger again.

You’ll get through it. There’s never a need to fight a pointless battle; not for the sake of feeling better about yourself. Especially with someone who’s not here anymore.

Mourn… and Move on.

Start wading towards the deep end. Before you know what you will be 50. Act like it… but not without the positivity thats who you are.

It’s been a loud and crazy week. Tomorrow begins another one. So enjoy a good day of rest. The house was clean enough for company all week. Keep it up. It’s nice to have it presentable all the time. Starting tomorrow though. Just nice and quiet. Enjoying the silence. Great song but not when you can listen to during the day, lolz 😂

There you go. 🙂

All the same music. 😂

Rhythms that are threads in our lives, singing to us all because of the common fingerprints on each of us.

This one in every incarnation – through victory or defeat – seems to call to never give in, even when it seems hopeless.

Maybe because in the ways that Truly matter… it never is.

Strife becomes Challenge.

Scars becomes Armor.

Pain becomes the Past.

Carry On. 👊😊

Please help me find this level of faith. It’s so easy today in age to be a fair weather follower. Pastor spoke a story of visiting persecuted followers in an oppressive country, and how he said they were confused when he said we prayed for them in their persecution. They told him they feared more for us and prayed for us in our abundance. How easy it is to grow complacent and distant. Spoiled. But the truth is we have challenges in the aspects of life that actually matter in the end, the same as those persecuted people.

You have given me a level of joy endemic to my life. Part of the foundation of who I am. Through rough seas, Bad days abound. Weeks and even months can lay siege to it, Deep wounds can cut into it, but it’s still there…deep down. 🙂

It hasn’t been tested with the likes of pain others have gone through, but if it is part of who I am, it still might just be. If it is the result of merely having an easier life than most, maybe not so much though.

Just thinking out loud. And thanking. Lolz. I sure don’t have what Paul had in these versus. Have something though, and grateful for it. Getting older is better if the wrinkles in the face come from smiling.

Though what hurts the most sometimes is not being able to share this endemic joy. It’s on me though; all failure on my end is. There are reasons of course, but none that I understand.

I do ask that you shine it on others though. Especially in times of need, whatever that need may be.

Moods come and go. Mindsets don’t. Which is why it’s so important to have healthy ones.

It’s not a frame of mind. It’s a state of being.

Please be with those hurting tonight. Those whom I have cared about and always will.

Please hold them in Your arms.

Please give them tomorrows in form of the yesterdays I’ve so far known.

Please help them find You, where all of this isn’t just possible, but inevitable.

And barring that, please give them comfort. To those who wish me well, and those who wish me ill.

The things that really matter in life… They are tougher to find in our abundance. And ultimately, the struggles of this world are fleeting – no matter how long we’re here..

Thank you for every blessing.

Thank you for every lesson.

And thank you so much for the cats.

Amen.

Random pop up from the Bible app.

Surely pure coincidence.

It’ll be fine in time. The path is laid out. Just follow it.

Even if it’s limping, keep moving forward.

They must be deeper than you realize. When you think about it, how could they not be?

But for the love of all that’s good and holy, you are sick to death of thinking about it.

Be grateful. Dad’s surgery went well after a terrifying first night. Mom’s recovered.

James is a great book for now. You need to delve into it, reading it once isn’t enough. Especially not before bed.

Get some good sleep. You really need it. You need a lot of things. Start with sleep.

Doldrums with damaged sails. Summer 2022. Wave. Trough.

Thank You Lord. For so much.

For every happy blessing.

For every painful lesson.

For who I am – in whatever form I end up taking.

And what I will not allow get taken from me.

Thank You. 🙏😊