Breaking rules, June 24

I don’t understand. But you don’t want to talk about it. All good. Neither of us enjoys hearing about the others dating life. 🤔

I’m here for you as a friend. We are not right for each other as more, at least right now, and we both know it. The future is unwritten and anything is possible, but right now I am only meant to be in your life as what I am. That could change in the future for good or ill, but right now I’m just Orson.

We both know there’s more to it than that than that. All I meant today was that the current situation your face, whatever it is, involves dealing with him and whatever issues have come about.

Whatever frustrations you’ve had this week would exist, even if I didn’t. That is literally all I meant.

Sweetie, it’s very possible that the days to come are going to be very difficult, and things will likely get worse before they get better, based on what little I have been able to infer.

You said today that you didn’t want to be “an immature fuckup” (your words) to my life, etc. and well, yeah… if you feel that way, I can appreciate it. I wouldn’t want to be a problem for anyone either. 🤔

But sweetie, not for my sake or anyone else’s…for yours – if you don’t think you’re good enough for “better”, then… “be better”.

You have overcome plenty of things in the past, and you can overcome anything you choose to. You’re 40 now. You have had half a lifetime of experiences to see where your choices can lead you.

You are better than the situation you are in now and who you’re with now. If you’re able to channel your pride into determination to live a better life and make the choices you need to to see it through, absolutely nothing is going to stop you. 😊

In the last few months I have stepped back a bit emotionally for both our sakes. Don’t mistake that for lack of care.

Now is the time for you to think about your life and where you really want to go. You are truly free to go where you want and live where you want. None of us are pinned down by anything save what we choose to prioritize.

As for me, I want you to be happy. I have no expectations for myself of you as we each are now other than friendship. Even if we were meant to be, it’s not right now, and both of us need to work on ourselves so that we are ready for whoever comes down our respective roads.

So if that’s bothering you, don’t let it. There’s no reason as far as I know why we need to be upset. If I’m wrong, just come to me about it. You know I have no intention of hurting you intentionally.

If you haven’t been happy since 1984… that’s a long time to be out in the cold. And I’m sorry, but it’s not going to change today.

But you sure can begin to change tomorrow. 👊😊

Make up your mind to be more. To be better. To have higher standards for those around you. Turn your weaknesses into strengths. Stretch yourself into being more. Especially when you don’t want to.

It’s so easy to be black and white in Pleasantville. Doing what we’ve always done, getting what we’ve always got.

So be more. 😊

I might be naïve, ignorant, or have one of a million other faults… but I have faith in you. Why? Because I’m right to.

You. Got. This. 👊😊

Priorities

There are 70 different primary interstate highways; major arteries of traffic connecting various cities. Interesting how some smaller cities were chosen to have interstates go through them only to miss others.

Of course no one can properly plan how large some cities will grow in the 60-70 years since construction began.

Very organized system. One out of every three miles is straight, to make sure there’s always a potential runway available in the event Air Force needs one.

Primary interstates have either one or two digits. Odd numbered interstates run north-south, even numbered run east-west.

The further south and west you go the more likely they are to be lower in number. The higher numbers are in the north and east.

Primary interstates ending in 5 run down the coasts. Those that are multiples of 10 run east west along the borders of Canada and Mexico.

Connecting to the primary interstates are the 323 auxiliary interstates. Bypasses, Spurs, loops, connections to nearby cities, you name it. Doesn’t matter which way they go or where they are, they’re almost always one number followed by the designation of their parent interstate.

Someone at the old Department of transportation must’ve had a sense of humor because in Columbia, SC along with a few other cities, the three Interstates I-20 (to Atlanta), I-26 (to Asheville, NC), and I-77 (to Charlotte) all form a loop around the city, each intersecting with the other creating a circle about 20 miles in diameter around Columbia.

So there’s no need for an auxiliary three digit interstate number around Columbia per se. Yet there still is one. Leading directly out of Columbia to the Northeast: I-277. No doubt named that because it leads To 77.

I-26 is a straight shot from Columbia to Charleston. Crosses I-95 for everybody going north-south from the tip of Maine to Key West, FL and it’s auxiliary, I-526 which forms a loop around Charleston.

Take I-26 from Charleston to Columbia to meet I-77, and that will take you all the way to Cleveland. Take it to meet I-20 and you travel all the way across the south and into western Texas, paralleling I-40 from the North Carolina coast to the Mojave desert, and I-10 from Jacksonville to LA. Or just stay on I-26 for a boring trip to the VA/TN border. Well, boring for all but the folks who consider cars turning left at high-speed a sport.

Straight shots are always interesting. Where does this road go? When you think about a journey, you think about the primary interstates. You don’t usually think about the 3 digit auxiliary highways until you get around the city you’re going to.

It’s rare that that road takes you exactly where you want to go. Interesting because you say it and you might even think it. If you want to go to Charleston from anywhere not along the coast, I-26 is in your future, unless you try to avoid it. It’s not like someone usually cares what number a road is. But that’s the thing about roads. Sometimes someone just gets on one that they swear by.

You and I-26 are old companions. 110 miles between Charleston and Columbia and you went back-and-forth every single week. You know it by heart. Seems so odd that there is now a new exit 197; first change in decades to that stretch. Lots of people moving here. Yay.

It’s not like at sea. You make your own roads at sea. You have a lot more freedom, but it’s up to you the plot the right course on your own. Really would be nice if that’s the way it was going through life.

Have your speed in bearing, and plot your course as you see fit. When you get near your destination, you have to account for the sea traffic, but you can just alter the course you’ve set to get into port. Into your destination.

Not like that on roads. You don’t have a course of your own. A lot harder to get lost, but if your priority is staying on a road, most of the time you’re not gonna end up where you want.

You can love I-26, and it used to lead home – all the way straight into downtown Charleston. You miss those days sometimes. Well, often. But you’re better off these days. Have your priorities a lot more in order.

That means when you’re coming in on I-26, you’ve got to turn onto I-526 to get home. Much as you loved those days and that road, you’re too old for studio apartments, sky high rent, and trips to the laundry.

I-26 is your road, man. And yeah it’ll take you most of the way if you’re coming from Columbia. But what’s the goal? Downtown? The past? Again? No. The goal is to get home. Which means getting on I-526 and heading into the suburbs.

You can’t prioritize the road over the destination. No matter how important it might be to you. How comfortable. If demanding to go somewhere your way is the priority, you’ll never get where you want to go.

Doesn’t matter how much it might make sense to you. It’s not the way hone. You’ve tried.

It’s that way that seems annoying. Whole bunch of jackasses claim to go that way but you know they’re stuck going in circles, all the while judging you for not following them.

But when you know the way home. And when you have tried making up your own ways of getting there and failing. Going down gravel roads that tear up your car. Or insisting you know better because you want to…

At a certain point… choose. Pick a path you like that you feel gives you everything you want…

Or stop making it about you… and make it about home.