Imagine a storm at night. And there’s a flash of lightning that gives an immediate, yet wholly incomplete picture. In that instance you see something and have a sense of recognition, but only of the spot your eyes were looking the instant of lightning illuminated it.

And to describe it? Words won’t work. Only metaphor would. In 21st-century parlance not unlike how people in different centuries would describe the barely recognizable.

Earworm. Ironic. Appropriate though. You knew this week would be hard. Memories of a year ago. Happiest you’ve been since…. well… who knows…

Now…everything in your life is different. Collapsed. Except the feelings you have for her, and those she has for you.

You struggle to improve. For her. Even if you come up empty… she inspires you. You love being in love with her. It makes you capable of more. Pushing harder. Fighting longer. More. Always has.

And you know she wants you to be more as well. Even if not for her sake, for yours. Makes hard change easier. And so long as you’re not chasing a lie, you’d welcome the inspiration.

But there is only one way for you to love a woman – to love her more than you love yourself. Your dreams. Your life. None of them are worth nearly as much when you’re alone. They are replaced by yourselves, both your dreams, and both your lives. Making love as one spirit, one body, one shared dream. Anything for her but the three rules she already knows you can’t break; so fundamental they seem absurd to even mention.

And… that’s why you must hold true. To God’s wishes, not yours. You feel in your very soul… that the two of you are wasting what precious time you have together. And when she said she probably only had 20 years left… it hit like a freight train…

You still don’t understand now. You still feel certain, but you have been humbled too many times… and it doesn’t even matter if you hold true to what you really want. Her. Finding home.

Words cannot describe how amazing it could be to have both, But you don’t deserve that, especially now. Recover. Learn. Grow. Be more. And one day you might. Pray she does the same. and who knows, you might be right.

Until then… Let her inspire you. Your Muse. And do your best to put Him first. Him, and Home.

They sang A Mighty Fortress this morning; as always encouraging folks to sing at home. You couldn’t. Tears of joy. Saw a glimpse of what you couldn’t explain in a million years. Him. Working.

Please don’t get in the way. How could you ever deserve her love if you did?

How could you deserve anyone’s? 

That’s it. Standards. You need them to be who you’re meant to be… for whatever purpose that is. You like having them. You feel they make you a better person. And she makes you want to hold true to them.

And during this uncertain time in your life, you need them more now than ever.

Rest. Remember blissfully resting in her arms. And rest…

There’s nothing to worry about. Cute redhead woman you met on Twitter. You had one or two Hangout dates few years back; they went okay… but she’d lived north of Seattle, so… undateable. Originally from Minnesota and then Orange County, Then Seattle. The opposite side of the continent. Of course it was as. Single. Cute. Christian. Loved cats. Star Trek. She was great. 6-7 years older than you with a daughter starting college, but that meant she had no time for losers… former air traffic controller lol. If she was anywhere nearby she might be perfect. But she’s not. She’s in Vegas now. Why? Weather. She says the humidity of Charleston would “fro” her hair. Whatever. Carnal side always loved crazy 80’s hair, lolz. 😊

You tried assuring her that Charleston indeed had redheads, but it was a lost cause from the beginning, lol…

But…. come on, Atreyu… nothing conventional seems to do it for you, does it? 🤔😕😔

You can’t do normal. Conventional. Good woman. Lives nearby. Meet. Smile. Laugh. Rinse, lather, repeat, and Ring.

Can’t do it. You’ve tried.

Parking spaces. Taken. Handicapped. Or too far away.

Melissa. Greek for “Bee”. Lol whatevs; you don’t make the rules. Been a while since your last vid date. Apparently she’s having trouble finding dates in… Las freaking Vegas. Well…. a suburb. But still. Sorry, not sorry.

Grandad “Adventures in Bigamy” himself – well, the more ethical of the two – finally settled down in Vegas after decades of choosing to abandon… Mom. Sweetest, kindest, most humble woman that Tennessee ever produced.

Yeah that’s the kind of “gentleman” that ended up in Vegas. Died from a gunshot in an alley. Sad… but figures.

And with that….. the requisite attention given to any potential baggage is henceforth complete.

Bee (you guess…) Now she wants to vid again. Tough for her to run into new friends. Definitely understand that. Friends. Yay. Not at all like that erotic dream you had where she showed up.  That one dream. One dream… compared to…more with others. It’s not like you remember that many of them anyway. But the one with her was oddly…graphic… but Bizarrely in a wholesome, loving way. You realize that she was a stand-in in the dream for your eventual wife. Older…maybe even a little insecure in her age… oddly enough because Bee’s not.

You don’t have time for 25-year-old girls that follow Cardi B religiously on Instagram and don’t have a clue who Connery is…

Not that you’re going to do well because it wasn’t that long but that dream was… interesting. A wedding night. Before you gave up the abstinence you held to for so long. As you have always known you would be pretty fucking carnivorous, but it was almost like she was anxious at how you would take her… and when you saw her it dawned on you that she was yours… in a way that you have never imagined someone belonging to you as you would belong to them… And her in all of… what the rest of the world may even call “averageness”…. was so fucking DIVINE, making you sink to your knees to devour her the second you got a chance. Was it Bee? Or was she just a Stand-in? Only dream you’ve ever had about her but it’s also the only dream you’ve ever had about a wedding night.

You…. don’t put much stock into it.  The very idea of her even flying out to visit and stay in a hotel is far-fetched. Whatever. All you know is that in your dream, she tasted like what you imagine cocaine to taste like, and you couldn’t even finish before you desperately wanted your next fix.

By that point… was it even Bee?

You honestly don’t know. All you know is she was a good woman, and that’s the kind of woman you need to end up with.

You have had plenty of opportunities to reward hot skanks with your stupidity and you have chosen not to comply. For all you know that might have actually been part of God’s plan that led you to 17 years of abstinence.

Given how fucking shallow you were back in those days…. whatever… chances are it’s very likely. 😔

Don’t feel bad. You weren’t a bad person then and you’re not one now. But in the past you were more carnivorous; while now you seek to find The One to devour every night.

Bro… you have got to get in shape. You know what the deal is. For fuck sake, every aspect of your life is geared towards being there for others. Don’t fight it. Embrace it. Love it. And whoever she is, make damn sure she loves it too. You feel more alive. Three months. Better than most of the men in America… So. Keep. It. Going.

Keep filth out of your fucking brain. Work out and eat right to be a fucking machine. Whoever she ends up being… you literally have no right to let her go a day without thanking her lucky stars that she found you.

And if it’s not good enough, FIX IT. She will give you time. Guidance. Love. 

Give her everything. Body. Mind. Soul. Literally anything and everything that you are but does not belong to God… is hers… as she does the same. Your feminine body. Your lustrous womanly hair. Your devastatingly powerful womanly body. Belonging to you as everything you are belongs to her.

That terrifies you… but thank God the only reason it does is because you know you’re not ready yet. And whoever she is; she isn’t either.

Both you and her have work to do. You can’t inspire her… But you can find something to build on in your current atrophy…

Whatever… you don’t even care anymore. You need more Bees.

Hopes… for your other half… as beautiful as they are… serve no purpose.

Fix it. Be honest about your struggles with those who care; all the way up until they hurt both of them and you.

Do not give yourself to hate. Instead give warm regards to a world where those you would hate don’t exist.

You need to be a good enough person not to hate at all. And one day… with God’s help… you will be.

It’s just a video chat. The shots you down earlier tonight still mix with the Adderall in your system even now that it’s 8:15 in the fucking morning on a Tuesday morning. Sympathy pains for Crow you guess, but thank God you realize you needed to avoid her the last few days.

Given her anger…. and yours? The new heart can handle her rage so long as it doesn’t cross that line. All you know is that your frustration deepened… when she opened fire. To be honest you handled it just fine last time; new heart is tough as fuck. But you could feel regret from her even though she didn’t remember what she stabbed you with.

No reason to give her more tension. Only a jackass turns an argument around on someone else rather than taking responsibility for what they do – or fail to do – in life.

God… please… give her strength. Wisdom. Wherewithal. Guidance. As with every day. Please hold her in your arms, Lord…every second I can’t hold her in mine. And if one day I’m blessed enough to hold her again, hold both of us to you and heal us of the pains of our pasts.

Convo with Bee will be great. Grounding. Won’t lead anywhere. It’ll be fun though.

Though Lord – don’t you even for one moment in your divinity forget…

….thanks for the cat. 😊







05/24/2020

This. So much this. Who knew it would come down to some stupid cheesy Marvel comic book movie to put plain as day what God’s plan is…

 Freedom. Choice. The beauty of inalienable rights. The understanding of the world as it is in the consequences for choices each of us as individuals makes. 

And far more importantly, the reason why. He doesn’t want mindless slaves.

You needed to watch The Shack again. Reinforce the peace sustained despitesource of the conflict within you.

You know what the best path is. With every fiber of your being… you know it. But the idea of forcing it on someone defeats the whole purpose and point.

 So ironic.

What do you stand for?

There are a few things on earth that you hate more than abortion. The mere fact that you were put in a position that you had to sacrifice your own child because you had no control over anything and the woman you were with at the time did.

You do your best to try to contain your absolute hatred for that barbaric practice. And guess what happened back in April?

https://www.politico.com/news/2020/04/07/court-backs-texas-pandemic-abortion-ban-citing-emergency-powers-173419

Yup. A Texas judge actually said that constitutional rights can be suspended in a crisis like coronavirus…  including the supposed right to an abortion.

Oh fun… so where do you line up on this one? Truth be told you know where your spirit is. You know where your heart is.

Each stand there in abject betrayal of everything you believe when it comes to the preservation of life like the life that was sacrificed that would’ve been your daughter.

But what is True…  and God forgive you if you’re wrong… Is that inalienable rights cannot be suspended even if in some declaration of an emergency. And while you do not hold true that infanticide is a right… It was wrong for those judges to declare Rights that have been established as nonexistent, just because of an emergency.

That’s one you’re just gonna have to square with your conscience. 

But until then you clearly understand the duality involved. 

……………………….

06/25/2020

So what’s changed since May 24 when this formerly incomplete rant was saved in “drafts”? Lots. Thanks for the fallout that begin from events that would take place the following day.

Well, Far more than literally anyone in North America would ever imagine. A fellow American citizen was literally and brazenly murdered on camera by police while being held down for an extended period of time while handcuffed as police officers taunted him. He pleaded for his life “You’re gonna kill me!” over and over.

In Dallas. On August 10, 2016. His name was Tony Timpa.

Yesterday, the statue of John C. Calhoun in Marion Square was torn down within mere hours of the city placating a mob of proudly ignorant puritanical zealots, Programmed to heat based on what they were told on social media and – if they had the slightest ounce of conscientiousness - a cursory use of CTRL+F.

To say Calhoun was a controversial figure is definitely true. He was controversial when he was alive. Controversial figures from this state are nothing new.

But it is interesting just how much the Overton window has been moved since the days when a committee headed by then Senator John F Kennedy named Calhoun one of the five most outstanding senators in American history. It’s amazing how much it’s moved in the last month.

One would think that we learn from the Salem Witch Trials, but we never did. One would think we would learn from the French Revolution, but no.

And it’s with a tremendous sense of dread you consider the level of forthrightness and desire to be consistent in your views that you look at the current “burn the witch!” state of not just America, but the West at large.

Rather frustrating. When there are riots, the police are unable to respond, and Democrat governors refuse to utilize the national guard because they actually want there to be racial division, you are one of the few conservative voices arguing against the president bringing in the military. The Constitution still means something even if you’re the last one that actually believes in it.

So you basically have two choices… Turn your back on what you claim to believe in, or stand there and die as terrorists destroy your country from within. There is that third option, and honestly it’s been the right path all along – but you just don’t know realistically where it fits in.

Try to be consistent with the one thing that’s more important than the Constitution. Let God lead you in what you believe to be right.

Because there is no rule of law anymore. If there is no rule of law, you can’t pretend otherwise. The bottom line is that George Floyd’s horrific murder was absolutely no worse than Tony Timpa’s was. And yet it was the kick off of what can only be described as a Marxist coup to destroy freedom of speech, freedom of thought, rule of law, all through the Trojan Horse of “social justice”.

When those nine people were killed at Emmanuel Church, you mourned with your fellow citizens. It was heartfelt, and meaningful because everyone came together in spite of differences of opinion over one thing or another. And that goodwill was quickly abused by elements that site to cash in those nine lives to enact a political agenda.

What has happened in the last month is absolutely no different. No one cares about 70% out of wedlock births. Or 13% of the population committing 52% of the crime. 67 people shot and 14 killed in Chicago last weekend.

Your history and ultimately your freedom of thought itself are the scapegoats for legions of “activists” to avoid having to address embarrassing problems that are the root cause of the pain that African Americans suffer from in this country.  

The good news is after the events of the last month, you know you will never ever become racist, no matter how hell-bent it seems like they are in trying to make you one in your heart. But the bad news is you are now living in the world of the French-Revolution-Meets-George-Orwell. 

And you really, really need to embrace God with all you have, because there are a great number of people right now who you’d be fine with meeting death en-masse – and that’s not who you are. That’s who they are. They who have given themselves over to darkness that you can see clearly now… that you would’ve rolled your eyes at the thought of three years ago. 

Do you honestly don’t know what to do because this stuff does make you tremendously angry. People you once considered good friends have bought into this crap, and if you were attacked and beaten by someone of a different skin color and they were only told your race and gender you wonder if they would excuse it on the basis of “well it’s okay because social justice”.

Screw it. All Lives Matter – because THEY DO. And anyone that would have a problem with that ultimately has a problem with you.

Do not be burdened with having to have empathy for someone who has absolutely no empathy for you. Love them as Jesus would love them – the real Jesus – who though He loved them had absolutely no use for self-righteousness or fools.

An interesting verse you read somewhat recently in Proverbs is 26:4 “Answer not a fool according to his folly, lest you become like him yourself.” A bit confusing when you see the next one “Answer a fool according to his folly, lest he be wise in his own eyes”.

Basically… don’t play the games of fools. It reinforces to them that their games are wise and justified when they aren’t.

All Lives Matter. The second this notion is taken away from reveals a game being played that says that George Floyd’s death was worse than Tony Timpa’s when it was equally wrong.

It is exactly what racists believe, and no, it’s not okay Because of past injustice anymore than it was okay in a previously unjust world.

Jesus would love the fool. He died for the fool. He would forgive the fool. But he would be under no obligation to play the games of the fool on the fool’s level.

No one is obligated to interact with anyone who demands respect they refuse to reciprocate. No one. The only one above us is God.

That doesn’t relieve our general obligation to be considerate and compassionate – but if we allow ourselves to be taken advantage of by fools, we are fools ourselves.

We are free. That freedom was bought and paid for in blood over the course of centuries, and the blood of the past will certainly not be the last.

It was the freedom that God wishes us to have. The freedom to follow Him, to live our lives as we see fit, and the freedom to choose what we ultimately believe in. It is the freedom that stands in stark contrast with the Salem witch trials, The French Revolution, and the Marxist utopia sought by those tearing down statues.

There is absolutely nothing wrong with opposing those who would try to take away what God has given you. Be as consistent as you can, but do not expect consistency from your enemies. Discover who you can interact with reasonably, but choose not to play the games of those who would subjugate you the second they had the opportunity.

You owe them nothing but the love Jesus would have for them. And even Jesus wouldn’t put up with this bullshit. 🏴‍☠️

No one you know has a clue what it’s like. Well, you do still actually have one other friend in your life that’s in the same boat, but he’s likely not missing what you’re missing.

Another night alone. You feel in your soul it wasn’t meant to be this way, yet here you are. Certain songs you listen to remind you of just how much time is passed. Certain nights you listen to them make it even worse. 

Aside from your earlier friend, no one that knows you knows what this feels like. It feels like loss. Emptiness. A purpose unfulfilled. Like half of you is missing. A song brings you back to the early 2000s when you were probably the happiest you’ve ever been so far… but wow it sure didn’t feel like it because you didn’t realize what you were missing out on. Literally everyone from those days found someone… but you.

There have been bouts of relationships here and there, but… no. Nothing meaningful. And then fear from to that major decision that would define your life got added onto that and soon enough the musical chairs were all full. Literally. You feel cursed in this regard. Blessed in so many regards… you really are. But this is where it seems to even out.

Every single parking space is taken,  handicapped, or too far away. It’s just not possible. Two years on eharmony for nothing. Absolutely no success with Match other than Crown… if you call that success. You’re cursed.

Either God really has a specific plan for you that you’re not to interfere with or you are fucking cursed. No one knows what this is like. And you are not meant to live life this way.

Flame is not much help. There is no doubt in your mind she is head over heels for you, but the only reason she’s even in the conversation is because she was originally the one… and she left. And now that you have finally had a chance to talk with her about why…. and the answers…? Good Lord….

You are protective of her, you care a great deal for her… and she’s a lot of fun to be around. Goodness though… Why the hell did she ever leave to begin with? 

It’s not like she hasn’t eaten herself up over it. She’s far more miserable with her decision. Broke down in tears the first time you saw her in person on the way back from Ren Fest. She didn’t know how to reconcile her mistakes with the fact that those mistakes brought her three children into this world that the truly loves even more, as well she better.

There’s no future there. You have no role in her life other than to encourage her. She already has decided she’s leaving her marriage when the last of her kids leave. Five years. But it’s just weird. Not the way it ought to be. Strange. Spoke to her about it and she says she understands, but you’re not buying that for a second. If/when you do get into another relationship she’s not going to take it well… but that can’t be your problem.

Crow is Crow. You meant what you said when she asked. Wasn’t the full story but the full story got interrupted by a cracked screen. Probably for the best because that wasn’t the time for it. Your certainty is high, but it’s not as high as it once was… because you just literally cannot understand. If she was the one… you just really cannot understand. In your heart of hearts you have no doubt. But in your mind you just cannot understand. Sure, you understand the logistics… but absolutely nothing else.

And you can’t pretend it doesn’t really bother you deep down. Really grate at you deep in the core of your very being. There’s a dark part of you that’s become beyond resentful at her choices. If she was the one… you just don’t understand how *she* couldn’t see her future with you and want to leap into your arms; or at least get past the cancer in her life that keeps manipulating her.

You could be fine about if you knew she didn’t have feelings for you. But that left hand. That one Sunday night out. If it’s not there it’s not there; no harm no foul. If it is there…. sigh…

There’s more to it than just that and you are – finally, only in the last few months – cognizant of it. She’s always been different, and the normal rules don’t apply to her. Ever since you first saw her picture and admired her passion on G+ you felt something pulling you to reach out to her. And you have no idea where that’s going. But it is strong enough to hold your negativity in check because at the end of the day you care about her more than being with her. At least you damn well better this time.

You’ve only really vented at her one time and that led to a blowup. But that was the part of you talking that was getting in the way… Not the part of that God wants you to be in her life… whatever that is.

You literally could not imagine breaking rules for anyone you’ve ever even wanted to be with. You couldn’t believe the folks were willing to help you see each other more often. Never been that way before. But for her…it’s almost like they were unconsciously into breaking the rules for her too. They feel it. You don’t even usually talk about her often to them but they *know*…

The situation was literally everything you have ever been waiting *forever* for and everything fits perfectly and…….. Damn, you really get the disappointment of Ezra. Doesn’t matter though. Not the way she needs you now, and she gets to break the rules; at least for now.

You really hope someone else will come along, but the odds of that are very slim. There’s just… really… not a lot of women like her.

Besides, you have a whole bunch of problems to fix. You literally have no right letting your new heart run loose until you are a man again. Job. Health. Confidence. No matter who you might be with, they don’t deserve anything less.

As soon as you get there though, you’re not planning on waiting. You just can’t. LOL it’s not like it’s gonna matter though. Cursed.

Match is no help. Sure you’re getting likes but they are from women mostly over 50 that don’t have the passion you’re looking for. 

Whatever. You’re lonely tonight, Thinking about songs you listened to 20 years ago when so many of your friends were finding the loves of their lives. Oh, you got plenty of dates. But they sure as anything weren’t the kind of dates you were looking for. Lol good old AOL instant messenger. Some really crazy dates. Those were the days.

Days you took for granted. Now here you are with a hole in your soul that grows wider every day. And now your health and career get to atrophy too. Fun.

You need to do something. Honestly it doesn’t matter if you start losing money; just to get something to right the ship. This is not good enough for you. It sure as hell not good enough for her, whoever she is.

Time. The only thing we can’t get more of in this life. And there’s too much being wasted on laziness and bad decisions.

Time…

Time…….

Whoever she ends up being… both of you are. Wasting. Your. Time.

So sick of nights like this.



 



Cowardly-ass innovation. Keeps each generation American though, and not speaking some other godforsaken language. It was Admiral Bull Halsey himself whose rage at hearing about Pearl Harbor attacked angrily turned Enterprise into the wind to hunt those six bastard Jap carriers yelling “When this war is over, The Japanese language will only be spoken in Hell…”

Poor Halsey and Enterprise went on a wild goose chase trying to find the carriers in the midst of the battle. That spirit… holy shit, that spirit.

Nevada spirit. Not the state with their bullshit “Battle Born” motto like that state entered the union for any reason other than electoral votes to keep Lincoln in power in the 1864 election…

… The battleship USS Nevada. Japanese planes swarmed hitting every battleship in Port. The Oklahoma capsized and the Arizona’s Magazine went up like the Mighty Hood’s Earlier that year. West Virginia, California, Tennessee, Maryland, and Pennsylvania All severely damaged or sunk. But Nevada was moored at the northern end of battleship row, and while under attack whoever the officer of the deck was had that moment of rage. These 300+ planes were coming from carriers. Six of them. And while her sisters sunk and exploded around her, Nevada’s engines started. Crazy sons of bitches knew Nevada’s big 14 inch guns if they could get within range of those carriers could bring some instant payback and she made speed to get out to sea where she could maneuver. Fuck em. Nevada against that whole damned fleet.

Crazy? No one knew it at the time but those carriers had to make speed and leave their battleships behind. No way Novato would survive, But if her guns could’ve been turned on those vulnerable carriers….. 

Japanese pilots sure knew it, and concentrated on Nevada. And then instantly that moment of rage somehow Withdrew at just the right moment in favor of wisdom. Nevada was still making speed but her bow was sinking. That desire to fuck up the Japanese fleet could cripple the entire war effort if Nevada sink at the entrance to Pearl Harbor and blocked it. Her skipper turned her away from glory and into a beach So she didn’t block the harbor.

She’d find glory though, Long distinguished career including blasting Nazis at Normandy clearing the way for the guys at Omaha beach. She didn’t even want to go; One of the ghost flagships hit by nuclear bombs at bikini atoll after the war, She wouldn’t decide to roll over in sick when she was nuked; took A merciful sub to finish her off.

So yeah thinking about this stuff is who Bull Halsey was. Stand up and fight the bastard. And even though Halsey couldn’t fight and one of those prized battleships, Poor guy was denied even going to sea at Midway.

Midway. Enough miracles had already happened to give the Americans a chance, but more would come.

Akagi, Kaga, Hiryu, and Soryu – Japan’s best four carriers and best four air crews under Admiral Nagumo led a massive Combined fleet of invasion force is for Midway and a massive surface fleet led by the biggest battleship the world would ever see in the Yamato, where are the architect of both Pearl Harbor and Midway – Admiral Yamamoto – flew his flag. Each fleet flanked by numerous cruisers and destroyers… a more powerful fleet on earth would not assemble until america’s production juggernaut started churning out carriers two years later.

Enterprise, Hornet, and Yorktown – Yorktown best described as jury-rugged - Set out northeast of Midway to lay in wait for destiny. Midway Island itself by this point was so packed full of men,  guns, fighters and bombers more than one of the Marines wondered if it would sink.

The two and a half carriers had three kinds of planes: Wildcat fighters, Avenger torpedo bombers, and Dauntless dive bombers. All the bombers in the world wouldn’t really matter if you didn’t have fighter escorts for them to keep the opposing fighters from shooting them down before they could hit their ships. And only one plane could take off at a time. Coordinating waves wasn’t easy. Especially if you were in the mood for some radio silence.

Japanese planes we are a little different but suffice to say the bombers could be outfitted with bombs – The only way to attack land targets… or torpedoes – Best way to hit a ship.

Pretty heavy cloud cover, and everything kicked off when the first wave of air strikes were launched at Midway Island, armed with bombs to destroy the island’s defenses; The Japanese felt it was at their mercy because they thought the American carriers were still at Pearl Harbor. Diversionary hit on the Aleutian Islands in Alaska was meant to draw the Americans offguard somewhat but didn’t really accomplish much other than the answer to the trivia question of what is the only American soil occupied in that war.

Midway’s Defenses responded; having a decent amount of luck sending off the first bombing wave, but it’s bigger bombers having no luck with the Japanese fleet. But it was then that an American scout plane found Nagumo’s carriers and the game was afoot.

The first wave of American aircraft launched at Nagumo’s force but their disorganized and inferior planes ran straight into the buzz saw of the Japanese fleets fighter cover and were torn to shreds.

Nagumo realized there were too many planes – an American carrier must be in the area. Japan’s cruiser screen sent out the first wave of scouts trying to find the Americans – a dozen fanned out  searching On preselected routes, all but Scout #4, delayed with engine problems.

Another wave of American aircraft sword into the Japanese buzzsaw, but to no avail. But by now Nagumo knew it was not just up against Midway’s defenses but at least one and probably to American carriers. 

They had been lying in wait, while he had counted on them being at Pearl Harbor and only sailing in response.

The ferocity of the second American wave also gave the admiral pause. Bull Halsey would’ve come right at them, and exposed his carriers to risk. One variable wasn’t adding up. Then another. And another. All while on all four of his carriers, his planes were armed with bombs to deal with Midway’s defenses.

The urgency of the matter demanded he replace the bombs on those planes with torpedoes to deal with the American fleet – but that would take time. Half an hour at least – where they wouldn’t be able to attack and would only have their fighter cover up.

The disorganized American waves had done nothing so far and Nagumo’s fighters he felt could protect the carriers from a third. Without his trusted air commander Fuchida to advise him,  he ordered arming the bombers ceased and re-arming them with torpedoes.

There wasn’t much less confusion in the American aircraft. Yet again the wave was coordinated poorly and the fighter cover lost track of the torpedo bombers and dive bombers. All seems to be flying apart at the seams as the low-flying torpedo bombers emerged from the clouds, their mission dead on arrival as the Japanese air cover descended upon them. Alone, with no fighter escort of their own, the 15 brave crews were blown out of the sky.

And then the entire 20th Century changed – As the American dive bombers exited clouds far, far above, with no Japanese fighter cover between them and their targets…. each of the four giant carriers littered with planes on the deck rearming live torpedoes instead of live bombs, As they were hastily being refueled with all the gas tanks on the decks. 

The dauntless dive bombers descended from the heavens at full speed as if they were charging the earth itself… Each lining up the shot To deliver their more reliable bombs on their targets.

A more favorable coincidence in battle has never been recorded at sea. The dive bombers couldn’t fail if they tried. With no fighter cover to worry about they had the time to line up their bombs with only AA flack from the ships themselves. But within just a few minutes, Akagi, Kaga, and Soryu were Hopelessly ablaze as it only took one American bomb to sit off all the ordinance and fuel on the crowded flight decks.

Only Hiryu survived, and even then only long enough to launch one torpedo strike – itself self lucky enough to happen upon the most vulnerable American ship – Yorktown, after following some of the victorious American planes home. Even that wasn’t enough to sink her, but it put her out of action and barely able to reach a decent speed; She would later be happened upon by one of the Japanese screening submarines and finally sunk the next day…

In this moment Japanese admiral Yamaguchi, commanding Hiryu, Was congratulated for evening score, believing it was now one against one, when in fact she was still up against both Enterprise and Hornet. There weren’t many planes left on either side,  but Enterprise’s bombers So below them alone Japanese picket destroyer at full speed and air wing leader McCluskey put two into together and realized the direction it was going with lead them to Hiryu. In less than 20 minutes she would join her three sisters and with that, The cream of the crop of Japan’s fighter aces along with their four best fleet carriers lay below the waves.

Admiral Yamamoto, knowing that the fighters aboard the American carriers were depleted, and he still had his combined fleet and invasion force led by the Yamoto. Though he was tempted to seek to throw the winning thrust by rolling the dice in attacking with little air cover on either side, the wise admiral withdrew.

The U.S. Navy actually began realistically in the late 18th and early 19th centuries with six heavy frigates able to overpower anything they could not run just like the later battle cruisers that Sir Jacky Fisher was so fond of.

But if you ask any US naval historian when the modern US Navy was truly born, the answer is the battle of Midway.

It’s almost pointless to study from an alternate history perspective because of all the “coincidences” and lucky breaks that just so happened favored the Americans – even the ones that didn’t seem like they would at first.

And while Midway cost America the Yorktown, The Japanese threat to Hawaii and for that matter the West Coast ended instantly.

It was Walter Cronkite that Best summed up the Importance of Midway in the  Pacific war –

“Before Midway… the Americans had no real meaningful victory over Japan. After Midway, they would have no meaningful defeats.”

There are too many coincidences at Midway for Midway to be “coincidental” in the slightest.

There is no such thing as luck. Only blessings to be counted. 🙂



You’re with Halsey. Stand up in the line of battle and do battle. From the Mary Rose of Henry VIII to America’s Iowa Class, the Ship of the Line was the rightful queen of the seas. Just the way it ought to be. Sure, screen them with cruisers, frigates, and eventually destroyers; use tactics and surprise, wind and smoke… but be a Knight on the waves and stand tall.

Different countries had to have different approaches though. Brits rules the waves and they had cause for dozens of floating castles bristling with death. Germans and Americans began to catch up as they begin to industrialize.

Then, innovation. Didn’t start out too bad. As with so many things in life there are three options and you can choose two… and ships had to be a mixture of, speed, armor, and guns. Battleships had guns and armor, but commerce raiders were lighter cruisers, and innovation led to the Battle Cruiser – armor of a cruiser with the guns of a battleship, and as fast as the sea is vast.

Always loved the battle cruisers. As with the dreadnoughts of old, designed to be able to outrun anything it can’t outfight, but its purpose was to hunt down commerce raiders – something a battleship never could. Per Brit Jacky Fisher, “speed would be their armor”, against a battleship, but regardless their armor was stout enough to deal with a commerce raiding cruiser’s guns.

But then innovation then became… eh. You can’t condemn the submarine. It was literally invented in Charleston Harbor by desperate men  trying to break a siege of the holy city, and you cannot call a submariner a coward without being a liar. The Hunley sailed three times, sunk three times, and killed three crews, but on the third sortie the third crew did sink one blockading ship. Damn subs anyway.

Then between the wars came the aviation cruisers. To this day, their US designation is CV due to those roots. Lexington and Saratoga were Battle cruisers under construction when a treaty canceled battleship and battle cruiser construction, but they could he finished as aircraft carriers. They were armed with smaller heavy cruiser guns Envied by planes would he used to spot ships for them to engage. Soon as aircraft became more capable, that concept was abandoned and now you had flat tops able to hit targets hundreds of miles away. 

In Nelson’s day you could see the opposing captain. 100 years later in Jellicoe’s day, battleships could hit targets 15 miles away, but they still had to at least see them. No more “stand up and fighting.”, though the world wouldn’t know that for another two decades.…

1942. America’s grand Pacific Fleet battleships lay sunk in harbor while miraculously its three carriers were at sea, spared from Japan’s six carriers and 300 planes. Yamamoto didn’t hit the fuel depots with a third wave, having feared his force could be hit, not knowing where the American carriers were. 

Massive fleets were under construction, but Enterprise, Yorktown and Lexington but only get the reinforcements of Hornet, Wasp, and Saratoga within two years… to hold 1/4 of the planet.

April of that year led to two simultaneous operations: Enterprise and Hornet launching the Doolittle raid, and Lexington and Yorktown at the Battle of the Coral Sea, protecting Port Moresby and ending the Japanese threat to Australia. Tactical loss but strategic victory… Lexington sunk and Yorktown heavily damaged and barely able to make port; even believed sunk by the Japanese.

But that’s when the miracles started in again.

American Navy code breakers broke Japan’s latest code, but no one could prove it until tested. Radio traffic let them know something was up… Yamamoto’s main fleet wasn’t at Coral Sea, but they were out there somewhere. And chatter had it that they were going to hit target “AF”.

Rolling the dice, They put out a message for Midway Island to report they were running out of fresh water, and the Japanese code soon reported that AF was running out of water. 

The brass didn’t believe it, but Admiral Nimitz did. Gathered what he had of a fleet and sent out the word that Yorktown had to somehow be ready to sale in three days, when it needed weeks.

Turns out the Japanese know an awful lot about the Americans too. Yamamoto was preparing to face America’s best – Adm Bull Halsey, still pissed off that he couldn’t fly his flag from a battleship. Japan’s admirals knew about Halsey. Nearly reckless, like a bull in a china shop, or a Patton at sea. Halsey would bite when Midway was hit… and their real goal of lowering out the American fleet and destroying it would be nearly certain.

But it’s not just that the Americans knew about the trap and could lie in wait to spring their own, but their Bull was sidelined by sickness at the last minute; replaced at his request by a cruiser skipper named Spruance who knew cattier tactics - something the Americans were having to learn by doing.

All while Japan would be down the legendary air commander Fuchida, who was responsible for so much of the success at Pearl Harbor – the future devout Christian unable to fly due to appendicitis.

The Japanese sailed on… their element of surprise reversed, them not knowing the more shrewd enemy they’d face, facing three carriers instead of two, and without their greatest bird.

But that’s just where the miracles began at Midway.….

Well if you can’t fight with your beloved battleships, fight with whatever you’ve got.

If it is Just, hold true to your cause – and allow for intervention behind the scenes. Forces under the guidance of Above working for our benefit. One can’t study Midway without seeing them. Coincidence just doesn’t cover it. That so many brilliant Japanese admirals were wrong at the same time while American ships and planes were exactly where they needed to be even though there were so many sacrifices… 

Innovate. Listen to the whispers on the wind telling you to prepare. Even if you don’t want to. Especially if you don’t want to. You might not always have your favorite cards to play.

And if the cause is Just…  fight down to the last man on the last cannon and Something. Good. Is. Going. To. Happen.………….

Template of project management. Emphasis on small business, endeavors to improve the community. Foster stimulation of entrepreneurship, help provide opportunities for empowering success in others. Resources, connections, innovation, cooperation. Risk management? Maybe. Story of learning about actuaries. Step one: they exist and you didn’t know until age 38. What else is out there? What else do you need to do to find what’s out there? Turn the general into the specific. Outline format is the skeleton to your thought process and that is good enough for college but too limited for the real world. Reevaluate how you think. Linear paths and progressions are outstripped by webs of processes linked together in a consciousness both organic and mechanical. Thought on paper is 2 dimensional while thought itself is a cloud that can’t fit into boxes. The differences between spreadsheets and pivot tables. “What do you want to be?” is meaningless compared to “what do you want to do?” Special projects. Timelines for success. Temporary does not mean guaranteed, which means  lower security. More planning and financial literacy management can compensate for much. Thinking outside the box means not having the protection of the box. Risk/reward. What makes up the difference? Confidence. Requires competency. A different job every six months? How do you build competency? Thought. Be more dynamic.

Wise man built his house upon the rock while the foolish man builds his house upon the sand. But a wise man can build his house on the sand if the girders reach down far enough to hit bedrock, otherwise no coastal skyscrapers. Building a future based on stability or building a future based on adaptability? Stability is comfort. Assurance. But has become static. Stuck in a rut. The beautiful perfect castle with withstands every trebuchet hit one day pulverized by cannons. 

Reinvention. Adaptation. Comfort with temporary failure. Change. Could your future be nestled in all of the things that scare you?  Unions are corporations for Labor instead of Capital. Price of Labor determined by Willingness to Pay and Willingness to Accept as informed by supply and demand. Labor and capital are commodities. External adaptations to the market become part of the market; that’s why the market always wins. 

1) Be brief, but concise

2) career shift will involve working on the general and turning it into the specific.

3) Today’s Goal – “what’s out there?”

– given current health situation how can I best use my time to prepare for an eventual shift?

– when I am ready what is the best way to learn about various specific career paths and how to discern them amongst the organized career paths you are somewhat familiar with?

– interests are in building and innovating.

> project management with small business, what’s out there?

> dad created his first economic development position by recommendation to superiors to assist with chamber of commerce. Job description,  requirements, salary. Creation. innovation. Brainstorm turned into a job everyone liked and he himself then expressed interest in. requested three-year contract to hedge against failure. Position merged with co-ops, adapted to change and mergers to form corner stone of large scale economic development projects benefiting rural areas of State. Went to college on 4H scholarship from raising pigs becomes executive VP.

Not as good as dad. Still make him proud. Don’t have to be as good. Thinking spreadsheet not pivot table again.  North Carolina fan. Goodness added to world is always goodness added to world. Cooperation not competition. Worry about being as good as you can rather than being as good as others. Maximize resources focusing on effectiveness instead of efficiency. Build upon strengths instead of shoring up weaknesses; cooperate with others that have different strengths and weaknesses and yet do the same with theirs. Complement and cooperate. Strengths are customer service, desire to create. Desire to be dynamic.  Data entry and organization strengths in short run but not long run. Ethical. Others. So many others. Can’t remember. Humility exceeds arrogance too fast. So now weaknesses. Cognitive temporary. Attention Span sporadic. Frozen between desire for dynamism and need for stability. Lack of familiarity with processes because of reliance on late 90s early 2000s stagnation. Fear.

Of so many things.

Cycle must end. Duality. Irony. Seek wisdom from the words of one you despise. How better to destroy my enemies then to turn them into my friends? Fear is powerful. Turn fear into an ally. Vested interests. A whole New World if you can bring back the confidence you walled off.

You’ll never be as good as dad. But dad’s faith in you is part of him. Don’t try to be as good as dad. Try to make dad even better by adding to what he’s done. How could you be as good as dad if who you are is because of him? The good that you do you owe to him. Dumb windmill to charge. So add. Cooperate. Innovate. Build a house on sand with deep girders that tie into the core which must not change. There’s your Stability. But at the top of the girders what changes adapts and evolves because it must to survive.

Future may be nestled in Briarpatch of fear. Sink or swim. Hedge against risk by wise decisions made concurrently not hiding in a castle slowly being surrounded by cannons.

Thought is not two dimensional. Learn how to use pivot tables. 

Dates Northern States formally abolished slavery:

CT: 1848

DE: 1865

IL: 1848

IN: 1820

IA: 1838-1840

KY: 1865

MD: 1865

MA: 1865

MO: 1865

NH: 1857

NJ: 1865

NY: 1827

OH: 1802

PA: 1780

RI: 1842

WV: 1865

Entered union as free State / Dates of abolition in territory:

ME: 1820

MI: 1835

MN: 1858

OR: 1844

VT: 1777

WI: 1848

Source: Personal research.