Next

Well here you are again. It’s taking a week before you feel like really taking in and dealing with it. Good old wartime economy. The fear… well more like terror… of unemployment has still got to be play part of your subconscious but it hasn’t kicked in yet. How is it facing the thing that scares you more than anything else is something you honestly would prefer facing then if you were stuck in that cramped cubicle dealing with constant negativity towards the end at work? 

Having lunch with the folks was stressful as one would always expect but then they mentioned something that honestly you have kind of thought about in the back of your mind for a while now; you just didn’t know what to call it.

They said they’ve noticed you’ve been being more forgetful, and wondering if it’s possibly MCI. Well if that’s the playground that you’re destined to end up playing in, Who knows? There’s no real reason to save for retirement since you won’t even really be there LOL.

The normal stuff can start in the early 40s and you’ve probably had all kinds of brain chemical crap go on we’re taking a narcotic stimulant three times a day for 28 years.

Celt’s New job started today – literally perfect timing – oh what an another amazing coincidence that couldn’t possibly be God’s plan… Ironically she said she was glad because now she could take care of all the bills and start paying you back. OK. You weren’t counting. You never count.

She was even suggesting now might be the perfect opportunity to take some time to address some health concerns that you wouldn’t have time to in a 9 to 5. Who knows.

You probably won’t. Blow it off all you want but it really scares you. The second half of your life is supposed to be more real. You didn’t accomplish half of what you wanted in the first part.

So what’s next?



Tired.

It’s alright to be tired. Never give up on the beauty and vibrancy of Life.  Maybe just a change of pace is needed.  Reinvigoration. There is so much out there to put a smile on one’s face.

So much.

Ennui does not become us. 🙂

Dating

Still not interested in it are you? You really need to get over that and at least try to force yourself out there. Dating while hurt was easy; this isn’t. Honestly you wouldn’t mind so much but it’s just so tired from having to go through the same getting to know someone, etc. oh yeah sure it’s fun, soon as you find someone you feel interested in starting all over again with, but that involves time consuming development of trust and love and intimacy…  yada yada… you don’t want to have to dick around with all that again at this age you just want into the damn clubhouse.

Holy crap what would you do with a stable woman anyway, given the struggles you keep having. But wow that seems nice……

The Celt tried to explain to the Flame what you were looking for in a woman and ironically it is the exact same thing you were 20 years ago. The more time you spend with Flame, The more you come to realize you have actually grown since then. Her? 41 years old and still doesn’t have a fucking desire to have a car. She doesn’t work, cook, or do much else and very little is expected of her. In fairness her kids are all teenagers so some of that pressure is off but you can easily tell that she gets zero respect for them because she doesn’t really do anything. Maybe she cleans; you don’t know. you are trying to inspire her to be more in her life, but you know very well how the logical conclusion of that goes. Maybe she can find some independence, but deep down even if you ended up together you would effectively be a caretaker and not have a partner in life.

Fascinating that 20 years ago she was everything. But nowadays you flat out honestly need someone who actually understands what to do with a W-2. Sadly that’s as harsh as it is true.

You know that some distance is going to have to happen there. If she gets caught there are all kinds of problems for her. She would have to have alimony to survive, or some other guy.

Not your problem. So go find a problem. Hopefully a cute one that will want to get to know you and fit you into her life. 

You’ve finally started to get impatient with this jaded stage of your life. Bout time. hopefully that can be motivational… 🤔

All while continuing to pretend there is no elephant in the room… 😕